After watching a PBS Frontline tv show about children's lives on the internet, I would say...Yes, download the spyware. I would say, download it privately without letting the child know. The reason I say this is because, if you tell them you are downloading spyware, they may create different accounts with MySpace and Facebook that you don't know about with different names. My son is 8 and he loves the computer. He's not on Facebook but he loves Webkinz and for some reason Amazon is one of his favorite websites to look at. He loves to look at all of the toys. He tells me...You can get 2 Transformers for $55.95, isn't that a great deal! I think it's important to educate children about on-line safety, explain to them that anything they post can be viewed by anyone and encourage them to have fun in a respectful and safe way...while we watch over them like hawks. And I don't feel bad about feeling that way.

I absolutely agree with putting the spyware on the computer. I have a teeneager in the house right now and while our computer is right in plain view of everyone, we can't stand over her shoulder to read what is going on every second. I would never read her diary, because those are HER thoughts, but the internet is different- you have other people's thoughts influencing the decisions she's making and what kids might not say in public at school they feel perfectly fine saying with the non face-to-face world online. I feel it is our job to monitor what is being told/shown to her that she might not be exposed to otherwise. And to make sure she's not getting herself into trouble by using the online sites (Facebook, etc) and getting into a situation that is inappropriate.

can you give guidance on which to purchase and install; how frequently to check; what to look for? mother of an almost 14 yr old girl...

As I said, I have not tried this spyware (yet). But there are two good resources online to check out. WiredSafety.org offers all sorts of tips to parents, but I'm not sure how much they get into using "monitoring" software. And the FRONTLINE documentary Yolanda mentions in her comment is streaming online and also has some great resources including a parents' guide. You can get that at http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/kidsonline/

I don't have a problem with installing it, but in general I think you should tell your child that you are doing it.

The only way I would do it without telling them is if they had already violated my trust. For instance, if I had already found out they were doing drugs or some sort of dangerous behavior - then I would tell them they had violated my trust and would have to earn it back, but I could see then doing this kind of monitoring without telling them.

After reading the article that was mentioned in the above post, I had a little more to say about this topic. The writer of the article stated something that I find so true...in one paragraph he was basically saying that when a child has an online life/community he is being open with that community and why should that life be private to the parents and family.
In a few short years when my son is older and I'm at the point of deciding whether to install spyware...I think... maybe I will give him a chance to prove he can be trusted. But honestly, sometimes I feel scared to be able to trust him and I think...What if I check his his Facebook too late and he's already gone to that party ...or he's already tried something that I didn't want him to...I don't want to parent based on fear. Does anyone else feel this way?

My children are 5 and 2, so while I am aware of this, I have not experienced the level of concern that I will as they get older. That being said, we have already created a kids profile on our computer, installed and use Windows Parental controls and try to limit our daughter's computer time. We quickly realized that she had skills, the ability to navigate, more than we wanted. She started on Playhouse Disney, Nick Jr., etc, but all of a sudden found her way to shopping. "Hey, Mom, look what I found online. Can I have it?" Oh, my goodness. My husband works in the computer industry and is very keen on security and monitoring, including that of our children. We will, I am sure, have it installed and let them know. Like having consequences for their behavior now, there will be some for them abusing the use of the computer in the future. It scares me to death to think about these issues, but the realist in me thinks it is so very important.

Watching "Growing Up Online' really opened my eyes about this topic. Kids are more savy than the adults on this technology. It only creates more mistrust.

But I can say that because I have a 8 yo. When she's 15 it may be a different story. I'm doing my best to keep the lines of communication open and to create a 'open door' policy.

My fear would be more: What happens when your child engages in activity that you can't ignore. Then you have to fess up about hacking into their lives and spying on them. They loose respect for you, since you invaded their privacy, and what little they may have shared about their lives with you before the incident will come to a screeching halt. It may be better to join the social networking sites and friend your children. Be responsible, be active in what your children are doing. Possibly for me being a web designer, it is easier, since I know all about the latest networks, and how to get around. Face it parents, times are changing. You have to keep up with technology, cause if you don't, you'll never catch up.

I fortunately have a daughter that is only two, so I have a ways to go too, Erin, thank goodness.

My parents always told my sisters and me- we WILL be logging into your email account, and checking your stuff if we feel we have reason. That being said, I was a good kid. I was never into drugs, drinking, sex, meeting up with strangers, partying etc. Despite the fact that I lived in an EXTREMELY sheltered ultra-conservative Christian home and literally had no opportunity to get into trouble in most of those areas, I still wanted to make good choices and had no wish to rush out and try everything.

Growing up I remember my mother creeping up the stairs and standing outside my bedroom door to listen to my sister and I talk late at night. She'd try to listen in on phone calls, and question me about anything and everything when I got home from a carefully approved activity.

These behaviors continued the entire time I lived in their home, until I was 22 years old. I was not given any sense of gradual privacy or respect for my emerging adulthood. Granted, due to the extreme sheltering I was definitely immature in many ways, but still was not into ANY dangerous behavior. I made the mistake of getting emotionally involved with a younger guy in a similar family. We carried on a "secret" relationship (because neither of us was allowed to date in any way whatsoever) through emails & letters. I also stupidly kept a journal- the one place I felt I could express some of the first-love experience I was going through.

In the end both sets of parents went through all of our emails, letters, rummaged through our rooms, read my journal in its embarrassing entirety, and forced us to end the relationship. If I hadn't been so brainwashed I would have realized they didn't have that power. Hindsight...any way, all of that to say that there IS such a thing as TOO MUCH monitoring when it comes to your kids. My parents secretly installed computer tracking software, read my AIM conversations, accessed my bank records somehow...and I still have no idea why they felt the need. My mother actually claims that God "told" her to go through my stuff because I was "hiding" things. I can't begin to express the damage this has done to my relationship with my parents.

If I had been 16 and my parents thought I was seeking out drugs, sex etc., I could somewhat see the compulsion to "spy". But please keep in mind that kids ARE going to do stupid things no matter how much you monitor them. Hiding it from them is a double standard- you want them to be honest but you are secretive about checking up on them. By all means have an accountability plan, but please please please reconsider keeping it from your kids. And PLEASE realize that as your kids approach their late teens and early 20's there are very few reasons it would ever be acceptable to completely invade their privacy.

My husband put spyware on our computer for our 15-year old son. Believe me, it was well worth it. At first, our son didn't know it was on there. We caught him downloading inappropriate material on the computer and on his I-Pod. Of course, he was in trouble for that but what really concerned us was the conversations he was having with people that he had never met. He was giving out our address, our phone number, the ages of his little brother and sister, the name of his school. You name it, he gave it out and he couldn't understand why we were so worried about that. It gave us the opportunity to explain the dangers of disclosing so much personal information to someone you've never met. I repeat these things to him over and over again even though he rolls his eyes at me. He now knows that we can view everything that he does on the computer. He thinks we don't trust him but it's not that. We just don't trust the person on the other side of the computer. Having spyware helps us to maintain a certain level of security in knowing that we can monitor who he's talking to, who's talking to him and the information he's giving out.

My kids are ages 11, 12 and 14. They're on the family computer that's in the living room all the time. I don't have spyware at this point, although I don't think it's a bad idea. I'm not sure that I'd monitor every move they make online. where would I find time? I would like to be able to check up on them, though, if I was worried that something was going on that was a safety issue that was being hidden.