Wonerful tips! And that vase is so beautiful. We do our gift exchange (the grown-ups in my immediate family) at Thanksgiving. We keep it under $20 and pick names out of a hat. And everyone has to provide a list of a few things they'd like. No gift cards allowed. So there's still a small element of surprise. And everyone's happy (and thankful).

This is a great guide. Unfortunately, gift cards are taboo in my family -- too impersonal.

So many of my family members exchange gifts (I buy for about 17 people every year, and that's a narrowed down list!) that I have to be very organized every year. I have a two-part system (which I blogged about last week). First, I have a tiny closet that is devoted to gifts. So if I find the perfect thing for my sister, I'll buy it on the spot and stash it in the closet until her birthday or Christmas.

Second, I use Wishpot to save online gift ideas. I have a public list for items I'd like to receive and a private list of gift ideas.

This system has been a life-saver for me.

I think avoiding music can also apply to books. I've given a couple of books as gifts and later felt like the book was stuffed on a shelf and forgotten because it was not something the person would have ever picked out to read.

A friend of mine is a fantastic gift giver. She seems to remember the tiny details that make it so that I manage to get something I really wanted. I wish I could do that.

This is a gorgeous list Holly....gorgeous! I would love to have any of these lovely things and I appreciate your "avoid" list as well, some things I hadn't thought of and really good to consider!
xo
Melis

I think the items listed in 4-7 & 8 make great gifts if you truly know the person you are buying them for. And honestly, if you don't know what food the people like, what music they like, or if they would love a membership to a certain place, are they really your friends? Sounds like you have a lot of people on your gift list that maybe shouldn't be there at all. They, and you, might be better off going out to lunch or for coffee together in lieu of gifts. And if you don't have the desire or time to spend with them, again I ask, why are you buying gifts for them again?

Those bone china spoons are beautiful! Good gifting tips. But it does raise the question that if you don't know someone well enough that you need a list of things to avoid, why are you giving a gift at all? Gift cards are probably a good solution--even for those you do know!--but beware of fine print, fees or expiration dates on gift cards.

I pride myself on giving thoughtful gifts. For years, I kept a list on my computer called "Gifts." It included recipient sizes, preferences (dad's favorite color is green), ideas (grandma needs a new coffee maker) and other notes (niece Lizzy's ears are pierced, Katie's are not.) It also included lists of gifts received and gifts on hand, which I started keeping after an embarrassing re-gifting faux pas involving something my mother-in-law gave me. I also kept a shopping checklist to keep track of what has been bought, where it came from, the price, whether I'd received it (mail order or internet purchases), and if it had been wrapped delivered or mailed.

The lists made it easier for my husband to share shopping/wrapping/delivery responsibilities. It also made gift giving easier on the next occasion because we had a head start on ideas and a record of what we gave last time.

These days, I keep all of my lists on "Gifts", the application I designed for Habitudes.info, the online family organizing website. Using "Gifts, " I've printed personalized wish lists for my husband and each of the kids. Now, if I can just get them to fill them out!

I would add clothes to that list. My mother has a tendency to gift shop at outlet stores and thrift shops. Sometimes she finds great buys for herself, but it's far harder to get something for someone else (me, namely) when you can't return it. I've reminder her a million times over that she doesn't "get" my style, and that while I appreciate these finds, they don't fit in with the rest of my wardrobe/size/aesthetic, etc.

This year, instead of buying gifts, I'm knitting something for everyone. Because of time, everyone is getting a cowl, a hat, or a set of mittens. And I've spent hours in yarn stores trying to find just the right color and fiber for each person on my list (whew!).

Finally, though, I do think that experiences are GREAT gifts. For years, my best friend and I have taken each other out to dinner and a show for Christmas and birthdays. It's SO much more fun to be able to say, "remember the time that we saw 'Chicago' on Broadway!?"

Hm. Just realized that I contradicted my own rule about clothes. I think the knitted gifts are a little different, since a) everyone has been begging me to make them something, and b) I've taken a very personalized approach to it!

What about handmade gifts? They make for great conversation pieces and are generally very inspiring and thoughtful. Every object is guaranteed to be unique because it is handmade.

Here is a good example, wicked little candle holders: http://www.etsy.com/shop/sonyakolodij

I love love love the roller skate doorstop. I want want want.

I'd also say that a painting is a no no, unless you know the person VERY well AND he/she commented on a pic before that you were both looking at.

Recently I moved together with my bf and my parents brought us a lot of things when they visited us the first time. Most of it was food but they also brought yellow dried roses and a painting. It screamed red and showed a couple. We both don't like it.

I can just hope that they never ask me where this painting is :(

I am going to throw out a no-no with caution. A gift card to a recipient's favorite store is the perfect solution for a finicky kid or teenager, but just as well for the impossible to buy for mother-in-law or man in your life. Every store and online shopping site seems to have one. They can buy something on their wish list and it is likely that it will be remembered as Grandma knew I loved shopping on eBay or Macy's etc. DO NOT get a gift card to Walmart or anyplace where they can buy everyday things like groceries. And never, never give money no matter how poor the person is. What a complete cop out. I second the "if you don't know the person that well, why are they on your gift list." The kids always get something for Christmas but for the adults I tend to remember birthdays (in my well maintained database) and skip a gift at Christmas. It is kinder to my budget. I also collect things all year long as I spot the perfect gift for so-and-so. I send "I Care" packages as I call them to friends that are out-of-town when they are having a rough patch. It is full of little things to make them smile and have become treasured by the recipient. If the budget is strained to the breaking point, I give something of my own that the recipient admired. It is the thought that counts. KISS - Keep it simple.

This is a terrible list. If you don't know your friends well enough to know what religion they practice, what scents they like, what they're style is, what food allergies they have, and what kind of music they like, then you're not a very good friend... Why bother even giving a gift?

@lisa - Ha ha! Don't hold back or anything. (smile). I totally get your point and you are absolutely right when it comes to close friends -- but seriously I do not know lots of these things about everyone. Close friends and close relatives yes but a manager or work colleague, not really. This list (for me anyway) is helpful for those whom you are gifting that you do not know intimately like a manager, colleague, agent, publicist, a teacher, etc.

Well...I would personly agree to a few of these but not all I mean just because I will most of the time give money or something they have been wanting but I mean if you just ask realy if you want something like a oh I dont know a blender that cheap then maybe kinda show it...

Buddha statues, no matter how lovely, seem to me to be WRONG as an item of decor. They are religious or at least philosophical to many people. Would you like seeing Jesus statuettes treated as part of a decorating "theme"?

These are great tips but why would you purchase a gift for someone that you aren't close enough to not know their lifestyle? (religion, diet, taste in music, whether or not they like plants, allergies to scented things)
I've pretty much broken every rule on the list.... except fur, memberships, and the kids/pets thing.... I guess it's the thought that counts.

Hold off on all your comments about not knowing the person that well. We give gifts to teachers, office friends, and neighbors or others that have touched our lives in some way. We may not personally know them very well, but they have impacted us in some way that we'd like to show our appreciation. I think this list speaks more to those kind of recipients than to your mother or BFF. Even my best friends know not to buy me "scented" things because I have such a sensitivity to them, but my husband hits a homerun in this department every time. Happy Holidays! I think this list is nice and helpful to the recipients who we may not know so well.

seriously, how about you don't exchange gifts at all? if you aren't close enough to the person to know whether they are allergic, or what scents they like, etc. why give them a gift at all?? gift cards are also considered taboo half the time.