Hi Regina, I am 47 and went through a divorce after a 17 year marriage. My youngest sons were 9 year old twins. I worked in a high tech high stress job. I was on call 24x7 and also traveled. My manager was very supportive of some of the changes that I needed to make; my family had to come first. You are probably also trying to help your children deal with and understand their emotions during this time, while pretending your always under control for them. This is one area that I thought I would crack under the pressure more than once. What truly helped me get through this and I believe to become a better person over time: I prayed every night and THANKED God for everything I had in my life; my children, a job, our house and neighbors, my family our car etc. For the wisdom to make good decisions and the strength to follow through on those decisions, to always do what was best for my children and me. I found I was able to go to sleep in a positive state of mind as I was thinking of everything I had going for me, not how difficult things were. In the morning I had that same outlook. Let the kids help anywhere they can, bringing the laundry from their rooms, setting and clearing the table etc. Mine felt better when they were helping me. Hire as much help as you can – a cleaning person that is recommended and trusted etc. Get as much done when the children are not at home so it is more relaxing for all of you when they are home. I made sure we always had a real diner together. It turned out that is something my sons really appreciated. They need structure, but we all need to stay flexible as things do come up day to day. Laughter is a great stress realif. Let other parents help, or ask. when you need help. Don’t be shy, many of us understand and have even been there. You may even make some new friends by reaching out. Take time for yourself. If you don’t take care of you and get recharged. All the organization and planning in the world won’t get you through this if your too run down emotionally and not taking care of yourself. Do something special for yourself – just because you deserve it! Good luck to you Regina, you sound like a very strong smart woman and loving mother, you will do great! - Donna

WOW! I know exactly where you're coming from. I am a recent divorcee after 16 years of marriage and I too have small children, 8 &5. My ex-husband is a dentist who was in a solo practice and spent a lot of time at the office, so I had a lot of practice as a single parent theoretically. Now, I am working full time outside of the home in the local hospital 40-50+ hrs./week and it's NOT easy. I enlisted the help of my mother as a live-in Nanny and I pay her a salary for her help and it's PRICELESS! I couldn't make it without her...someone I can trust and I know will take as much care of my kids as I do. You can NOT do it all alone...enlist the help of someone you can trust and delegate, delegate, DELEGATE! The best of luck to you and you sons :-)

You are obviously a very high achiever (physician) with high expectations of youself and your children.
Given your recent separation, you are also trying to give your children everything they want to compensate for their relatively new one-parent situation. Stop trying to be the perfect mom. You can help your children mature and grow by guiding them to set priorities in their life (eg choose one favorite activity). Assist and allow them to establish an overall FAMILY schedule that requires them to share time with their siblings' and parent's personal time. These will be invaluable skills in their future. One other suggestion, put your differences aside with their father and expect him to contribute to their lives. This will carve out some personal time for you as well.

Ask for help from other parents whose children are involved in the same activities as your sons. I have three daughters and I would not be able to manage unless I relied on other moms to help. All my girls are in dance and we carpool. I work part time, so I am out in time to pick a pack of girls up at school and bring them to dance and another mom picks them all up a few hours later. You will find even stay at home moms, who have more flexibility sitll don't want to spend all their time on the go! Good luck

Hi Regina I am single mom of two grown girls and now a proud grand ma.
In response to your question of how best to manage your time wi your growing little men. The first thought that comes to mind is to delegate tasks to others as much as possible so that you can spend quality time wi your growing wonders. an example of this is if you could try & arrange transportation to events for them by way of other parents attending or if your able hiring someone to do so , that way the times you are able to take them your focus is on them not spread thin which happens so often to single parents trying to do it all. also joining a support group for you to share questions & ideas that come wi having a child wi special needs. My Grandson has just been diagnosed as Autistic on the low end of the scale & has spent his first 2yrs in & out of the hospital wi several operations in his first months of life, due to this and medications he is delayed in some areas of developement & understanding what is happening wi him better equips us to help him develope & enjoy his journey. Knowing that you are not alone in your struggles & others share same trials & tribulations just makes it easier, as well as being an excellent network to other benefits for your son such as group & theraputic outings such as theraputic equestrian classes. I'm going to volunteer at a facility near my city this fall & am very excited about it. You posted a statement 'somone should invent an exercise while you sleep' which I found endearing, it reminded me of a program I watched recently where they installed treadmills wi computers or laptops attached to them . The employees said that they felt more energectic and lost weight after using them a few hrs aday, I'm thinking that paper work might be a part of your job and that may work for you? Thankyou for sharing a part of your life and best of luck to you. Your boys are very lucky to have a Mom like you that can ask for help. Alison R

I am the mother of 6 children ranging from 19 to 6. When I read your profile, I was compelled to write you. YOU NEED HELP!!!! Can you find a family member, friend, church member or hire someone to help you manage things. Don't be so hard on yourself b/c you are only one person. Make a list and see who can help with what or see what can wait until another time in your life (i.e. soccer).

To Mattie -
This commend is regarding your feeling of inadequacy when asking for help. Now that you're a mom, everything you do (more of less) is driven by that incredible love you have for that child. Asking for help is just an extension of that love. You want the very best for your baby and asking for advice or help when you need it is your duty as a mother to ensure you are making the best choices you can for your baby. And finding time for yourself is a MUST. Put your feet up when the baby naps. Catch up on your favorite show. Read a book. Take a bath. Forget the house cleaning. Nobody cares what your house looks like except you. Take a break. You deserve it. And don't let anybody tell you differently!!!

Hang in there....I'm a mother of twins and wouldn't change my experience for anything. I worked full time on a job that allowed me to pretty much make my own schedule. That allowed me to be present for important activites without impacting co-workers schedule. Carpooling with other parents and taking turns watching each other's kids also helped. I just happend to be a morning person so that ended up being my quiet time. Having a bedtime worked and believe it or not when the guys were put in seperate bedrooms they usually went to sleep instead of talking and playing. At times things are crazy but your sons are a percious gift and one day you'll be looking up to them.

I recently open my home to a young man who needed to attend summer school and could not afford the summer housing rates at his college. I
have a grown son but no children in the home. This
certainly differs from your situation. However,
the student was willing to be of assistance with any
housework, repairs, etc. He has moved on to the next person in our circle of concerned parents. I was apprehensive originally but I feel so good knowing I helped another human being. Perhaps this
type of arrangement could work for you. I was a
single mother so I do understand your situation.

of conerned parents. Perhaps an arrangement like this could be workable.
I was apprehensive orginially but I feel so good about
taking the chance and helping another human being.

I have three children 12,11 and 7. They are all very active in after school activities, music and sports. I work part time and my husband is deployed to Iraq for 13 months. I manage the craziness by color coding everyone's schedule on the calendar in the order it happens. Every child is a different color. I also keep the calendar on my MP3 player for quick reference when I'm out. I'll admit sometimes I get too busy to even update the calendar as I meet myself coming and going but this has really worked for me.

Enlist help. Make good friends with your kids' parents and don't be afraid to ask for help, whether it is carpooling to a birthday party or to soccer practice. Have a weekly standing appointment with a friend to watch your kids, whether it is for an hour or an evening, that is dedicated to you having time in your schedule for your needs. Take up your friends and families when they offer to help around the house, with childcare, or with various other tasks. Come to terms with the fact that you are in a position in life where you are going to take more than you can give, and know that it is ok for your stage of life, then re-pay in full down the road when you see someone in your same struggle, and be the one that is enlisted for help.

This is a philosophy - not an exact answer to your question - but an intact family is the MOST important influencing factor in your children's lives. Unless you seperated from your husband for reasons of abuse, adultry, or addiction, you really have to get in there and make it work. I was a child of divorce - speaking from experience there is no better way to damage your kids than divorcing their father. It will affect ALL their future decisions and relationships - based directly on what they see you do. Exhaust every avenue to make the marriage work. I'm sure it would also take a load off you to split the responsibility of playdates, parties, and sports with the other responsible party - their dad..

I think cutting back needs to be an option. Everyone can't be everywhere all the time. Cut sports and clubs of each of your kids in half and coordinated them on different days. That way, as a working mother, it may be easier for you to be with all of your kids and their activities. And stay organized. I know I try to keep everything that my family needs together for the next day such as homework or whatever. Godd luck.

Organization is key. When you have your life in order, and your kids time on some sort of visual cues such as a calendar or task list each week/month. It will make life easier for everyone. When you see that a doctor's appointment colide with a soccer match and you don't have the bandwith to do both, something has to give. Leslie's idea of sharing responsibility is a great advice, I might try that with my kids!

My suggestion to Regina concerning her kids' schedules... Ask each one to pick their favorite, what they're passionate about. Try thinking of it as a business. You would only have one person writing checks, another sending packages, but they wouldn't switch tasks. Multiple kids plus your own schedule can make life too hectic. It then becomes a job, and not a life with your family. As they grow, each year their passion may change and they will try new things, or go back to their favorite. Meanwhile, you just might find some time to explore your passions. Bottom line, they don't need to DO everything, maybe just try lots of things!

I'm not a single mom, but I know several that can't afford hired help, and the father lives in another town. They pool their resources with other single parents, and take turns chauffering each other's kids to activities. Even with help, they still have to pick and choose what their kids do- there are only so many hours in a day. My kids have had two regular activities (choosing from Scouts, sports, music lessons, etc) at one time, plus church activities. I think this teaches them how to balance planned activity and free time. Kids don't need to do everything that is offered- school is their first priority, and they need open play time, too.

I think all working moms are plagued with our decisions we have to make concerning our work and the care of our children. I think if you can put balance at the front of your daily agenda, you will learn how to make both count. I feel our children are our future and the more we can invest in them, the better our soul's will be. I have found most kids would much rather you sit and watch a movie with them than buy them the next big new game, toy, etc. I think if we all can step back and look at what we HAVE as opposed to what we NEED, we would be cleaning out our closets, garages, etc. A SIMPLE life can often be a more fullfilling life than trying to get the best car, biggest house, etc. We, as americans, need to look at this....are we living to WORK? or working to LIVE! If we can stop the more is better cycle I think it will trickle down into all aspects of our lives.

Regina, You have way too much on your plate, please hire a live-in nanny to help you.

Regina.. What a load! You've got to outsource. If you don't have a nanny/housekeeper, you need one bad. That way you can spend quality time with your kids and pay someone to do the mundane stuff. I am a stay at home mom w/ 3 daughters and am just entering the phase of busy kids' schedules. My first child will be going to school full-time in the fall and she's tired after 1/2 day kindergarten so although I'd like her to play soccer, I think next fall we'll forgo that until later. She does piano and chess club. Less is more. Studies show eating dinner together is a very important event, which we do most every night. Focus on the quality time and outsource the rest.

Regina,
One word, Simplify. I think, just my opinion, and I have a 16 year old and a 20 year old. Skip the play dates, pass on a birthday party, play soccer in the back yard with the kids instead of joining a team. It'll strengthen your family ties and free up lots of time. There's only 24 hours in a day and when all is said and done, time spent together as a family is what they remember and what makes the biggest impact on their lives.

I've been a single parent for 6 years now and I know your time is precious so I'll be succinct.

Breathe... when it feels overwhelming, stop and take a very deep breath.

Sleep... a saying in our home is "sleep is sacred".

Foster relationships to maintain a support group.... ideally this group will include your children's father and his family.

I wish you the best of luck and peace for you and your children.

I'm not a mother myself, but I was raised in a single-parent home by a very hardworking mother. She worked late almost every night, and I know I missed having her at home. The most important thing you can do is just be with your children.

Hey there, Regina!

I can't even begin to imagine how hectic your days are...well, I can, but it gives me a bit of a headache. I work and have a seven year old and an infant. Something that I've found that works really well to help me be emotionally grounded is "bookending" my days with my children. In the mornings and evenings I have dedicated, focused time with my two sons. This is how I do it: In the mornings I'm on my own to get everyone up and out, and I try to get most things done (lunches made, baby nursed, kid dressed, my breakfast eaten & my coffee made) by the time my seven year old is sitting down to breakfast. Then, I take my cup of coffee and sit with him while he eats. It is only 10 to 15 minutes but it is uninterrupted time (mostly) and I'm not doing anything else except chatting with him, sipping my coffee and (occasionally) jiggling the baby. I don't answer the phone, I don't eat, I'm not half-listening while making lunch or putting on make-up. I am completely there to talk about his upcoming day (or we may not talk, we just keep each other company). I am completely present for him. In the evenings, I end the day by reading to him (and baby can listen too). Again, this may only be about 20 minutes, but it is concentrated time. We let the machine pick up the phone, etc. This way, no matter what madness happens in between during the day, the kids are anchored morning and night in a loving routine and I find some emotional balance, too.

Strategies that I use to help create this time are:
-a programmable coffee maker
-quick, healthy breakfasts (cereal, for example, and cut up fruit which can be prepared the night before)
-morning and evening checklists for the seven year old, they started with basic pictures for him to follow (toothbrush, clothes, etc.) and now he can read the items. This helps to keep him focused so I don't have to run around behind him saying "have you gotten your socks on yet? and don't forget your jacket!" I just say, "have you done everything on your list?" and he will go check it.
-lunches can be made the night before as well, most days.
-ignoring the phone

I would think that given your job, you may have surgeries in the morning so maybe you're not able to get the time then...plus, you probably have to answer more phone calls and pages, so this may not work 100% for you. But it may help a bit, and I hope so. You'd be surprised how effective just a little bit of of dedicated time can be.

One last thing, you don't have to accept every single play date or party invitation or extra activity. Practice saying "No." Or, a handy alternative, "Things are really nuts for us right now, but we'd love to get together another time." Now that my older son is seven, I've given him more freedom in choosing which activities he'd like to participate in, and surprisingly, he doesn't always want to do everything anyway. Hooray!

GOOD LUCK!!!!

The truth is that no one really has it all together. Those that appear to be able to do it all with ease usually have bigger problems that they hide from the envious eyes of those barely keeping it together (such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc.) While your plate is extremely full, keep in mind that you cannot do everything alone, and would have a terrible time trying to do it. If the children's father is still in the picture, have him run the children to birthday parties and after school programs. That way he will be in touch with his children and the burden will be lifted from your shoulders. Limiting the number of activites that the children engage in will do wonders for your sanity and help to keep them focused on one activity at a time. Focus the majority of your energy on activities that you all enjoy together. Make time to do nothing together. Make time for yourself or you'll burn out and be of little use to anyone, especially your children. As moms we try to do everything and we demand that we do it perfectly. This burden that we place on ourselves is counterproductive and hinders what little joy we are able to attain. Be kind to yourself. By the time you master these moments in your life, new challenges will blossom to keep you on your toes. Good luck to you and your family!