I had always felt the same way too. As a very busy mother of a 9 month old beautiful girl, as well as a retail shop owner, I had my hands more than full, yet felt inadequate as well when I had to ask for help. One good piece of advice my mom told me was.." That's what family is for! You yourself need to refeul in order to be an optimum mother." Think about how much more intuned to your child you will be when you can concentrate. I now ask for assistance and I am much happier (and more rested) now. Plus, it comes easier to ask again when you've given it a shot at least once.

I just had to comment when i read about "what scares you" i too have a horrible fear of ketchup!!! i thought i was the only one. i can't even stand to buy it at the grocery store, much less serve it to my 2 boys, which by the way was all my husbands doing, if i had it my way they wouldn't even know what ketchup is. But thanks to him ( and probally for some humor in our family ) my husband started both of them on the disqusting mixture early on. Now i am stuck in a living nightmare of serving it up lunch and dinner and just to freak you out they both have dipped food that is not appropiate "ketchup dipping food" ie - watermelon, bannans, and apples - HELP! i will say my "phobia" has gotten a bit better in the last 6 years but it has been a journey. We need a support group!

Mattie - Welcome to the ambiguous world of parenting. They don't come with instructions and for the most part you don't know what kind of job you've done until they move out!
if you can consider how honored you would be to help your child with your grandchildren or your sister/brother with your beloved nephews/neices it makes it easier to ask for help.
As you care for yourself to keep your mind, spirit, and body centered you'll be better able to care for your child. Children learn what they live!
Children are so much smarted than we give them credit for and very intuitive. If you are exhausted and emotionally spent, your child will intuitively recognize that you are not all there.
Each day do something for yourself - meditate, pray, take a bubble bath, or go for a run. Schedule time ahead with your support team (parents, friends, babysitters) to make this an easy and predictable routine for your child.
Finally, i would encourage you to schedule dates with your husband - at some point, if all things work out - it will be just you two again! None of us have done it alone - you don't have to either!
Amy, grateful mother of daughters 19, 16 and 8 years old

Mattie - Welcome to the ambiguous world of parenting. They don't come with instructions and for the most part you don't know what kind of job you've done until they move out!
if you can consider how honored you would be to help your child with your grandchildren or your sister/brother with your beloved nephews/neices it makes it easier to ask for help.
As you care for yourself to keep your mind, spirit, and body centered you'll be better able to care for your child. Children learn what they live!
Children are so much smarted than we give them credit for and very intuitive. If you are exhausted and emotionally spent, your child will intuitively recognize that you are not all there.
Each day do something for yourself - meditate, pray, take a bubble bath, or go for a run. Schedule time ahead with your support team (parents, friends, babysitters) to make this an easy and predictable routine for your child.
Finally, i would encourage you to schedule dates with your husband - at some point, if all things work out - it will be just you two again! None of us have done it alone - you don't have to either!
Amy, grateful mother of daughters 19, 16 and 8 years old

You are not alone. Asking for help is the hardest thing a new mother has to learn. Part of that problem is that there is so much unwanted help and advice tossed your way. What I found helpful was to decide for myself what things I did not want help with and what things I didn't mind delegating. That way, all of the helpful people in my life had some involvement and I was still "doing it all". My problem was that I am a control freak to my core. In deciding some things were mine and mine alone when it came to my son and some things I would accept help with, I was still in control, my relatives had some involvement and most of all my son was on the receiving end of it all. I now have a very happy healthy 7 year old who has taught me that there is actually very little that I can control!

Mattie,

I know you are doing an amazing job! Remember that people get JOY from helping you and that your world is filled with people who love to see you fulfilled.

I also thought I was Wonder Woman when my first was born. As I had more, I realized that I am far from it. I started by talking to my friends that had kids. We set up an agreement that if someone offered help, you couldn't say no. Soon it became somewhat of a co-op thing.
It wasn't until I started resenting my husband and child that I realized I wasn't a superhero. I was normal, and the more I talked with other women I met, the more normal I felt. I still have a hard time asking for help, but my friends and husband know that now. I am not allowed to say to no to their "help" offers, if I do...they push even more.
When it came to time for myself, I turned the ringer off at naptimes and in the evenings. It really just comes down to being open and communicate your needs to your friends and partner. I still have the Wonder Woman doll that my husband gave me, even though I may not feel like it, I can look at her every day and remind myself that I am human too!

If you find it difficult to ask for help - start with the little things. Ask a friend to run an errand if she's going that way, or if she's going to the market pick up something small for you. Never be afraid, people want to help more than you know.

If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy ;-)
Words to live by..
Girls night out is a must for my soul lately.
(mom of 4 ~ ages 5,3,22 months and 4 months)

Oh Mattie! Go to your local bookstore and check out the parenting section...look at all of those hundreds of books. No one - no one knows it all and no one expects you to either! Like Suzanne says, use this as a way to get closer to your girlfriends, sisters, your mom, heck, extra brownie points for checking with your mother-in-law! Don't be afraid. Some of the advice can be far out, so keep your funny bone handy too!

Asking for help is a surefire way to bond with your girlfriends. I get so much help by just talking to them. Setting up a network of trusted friends (or even with just one friend) makes your life so much more fun and easy. And it's reciprocal. Even if it's a person whom you can call on the phone and get support from you're opening up a channel that ends up helping them too.
In addition to the value of friends I can't tell you how much peace of mind I got from hiring a housecleaner every other week. Period. It gave me time to enjoy my babies because, after all, you CAN do it all yourself, but it's funner to get the help. Life is so very short, why not enjoy it!

Think of being a mom like riding on a commercial airline flight. The flight attendant instructs passengers that are travelling with children to position oxygen masks on themselves (the parent )FRIST and then attend to the child.
As a mom, you must see to your needs so that you can better support your child(ren) and family.
The result is a happy family. When you feel well cared for, you are able to care for your family in the best manner possible. Your famiy inherits your feeling of well-being.
If taking care of yourself means asking for help, then go for it and don't give it a second thought.
If you were on an airplane and needed help, folks would be willing to assist.

I struggle with the same thing and as a new mother of twins what I had to learn was when someone offered to help to take them up on it. Many of my neighbors, friends, and family have offered to watch the babies so that I can shower, grocery shop, or go on a date with my husband. At first I didn't want to take them up on it because I didn't want people to think I couldn't handle it but after my mom left and their dad went back to work I realized the importance of taking people up on their offers. It isn't a reflection on me as a mother and it helps my support network to feel involved and connected to the babies.

Hi Mattie-

I really relate with your situation. While I was pregnant, a friend of mine shared her frustration with her husband who never helps. She said that she knew why. Since she had her first baby, she had tried to do everything. She was such a perfectionist that even if he tried to help she would criticize it. So eventually he just stopped offering to help. She was left feeling overwhelmed and exasperated. She told me to be careful not to do this. I took her advice, and have a great involved husband who is an amazing Daddy. I still have a lot of problems trying to do too much, and I must admit it is the source behind any argument my husband and I may have. I am not a very good delegator, and perhaps my friend shared her story because I have a tendency to be a perfectionist, too. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Your family will benefit from it as much as you. Start with small things. Let him help you with the baby, housework, whatever you need. Remember if Mom is happy, everyone is happy.

What I have learned is that motherhood is such a wonderful journey. My house is not as clean as I would like it to be. EVER. But I do play a lot of blocks, coloring, play-doh, you name it! I try to take time each day to play with my son.

Make sure to take time for yourself, even if it is short time. Escape on the weekends for a few hours to browse through the mall or get a pedicure. It will really help you, and give your husband some time with your little one. Remember that there is no super Mom. I guess I've realized that I am a real person, and I'm finally learning to say no when I feel overwhelmed. You will find that it gets easier as the kids get older. I have a lot more personal time now than in the beginning, and my son is not yet 3.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Mattie-
As an independent person myself, I also struggled with having to ask for help when my daughter was born. Even moreso because her father opted out of family life early on.

I view asking and getting help in two ways - delegating and bartering. A good manager (whether it be at home or at the office) knows when to hand off some of the work and when to trade jobs (you do this for me and I'll do that for you).

I learned too late that the time you don't take for yourself is time forever lost. Don't feel bad for taking that time. Believe me, it will come back ten-fold to you AND your family.

As we are instructed to give ourselves the oxygen before we administer it to others on the plane, we fail to
realize, a little 15 minute break will give needed energy to be back on the job. Taking care of children is non-stop and if we were at a job outside the mom job, we would give ourself that "break" -
Ask a friend and clock yourself to make sure you are in fact doing this for your sanity. Everyone will thank you. You will be a better Mom for it! Do it early as it is an important habit to start early- like brushing your teeth!

The first thing I would tell you is this: Real mothers DON'T do it all and smart ones don't even try. A good mother is not the one who does everything--she's the one who does the RIGHT things. She wakes up early to help her kids get dressed and ready for school; she greets her kids with a cheerful smile and and asks about their day when she picks them up from school; she learns the words to her daughter's favorite school song and sings with her on the way to school; she listens to her teenage son when he talks and leaves him alone when he doesn't want to; she doesn't apologize when her daughter gets angry after being punished for misusing her cell phone; she monitors her son's email account and online activity to make sure he's safe; she makes time to get to know her children's friends and their parents; and most of all, she treats her kids like humans and people who deserve her love, attention and respect.

Don't try to do everything. Identify those things that are important to you and concentrate on getting those things done. For instance, It's important to me that my house be clean and tidy; I didn't want the kids growing up with bad housekeeping habits. To do this, I had to scale way back on our belongings. It was a great decision. The house functions 10x better and is much easier for all of us to keep clean.

You can't do everything and you will set yourself up for a nervous breakdown if you try. Keep it simple: Decide what's most important and do that. Is it a clean house? Is it cooking dinner for your husband and child every night? Is it packing lunches each morning for your kids and walking them to the bus? Make a list of those things and then put it into your schedule. When you do that, you will see if you are trying to do too much and can scale back accordingly. I have found that a simple life, is a happy, fulfilled life. Enjoy!

as the mother of five I learned to ask for help more and more witheach child. The hardestand best part about asking for help is realizing that it does not make you a "failure". I made more friends with my first child when I reached out to neighbors and friends by asking them to watch him just for one hour so Icould get something done which would be either impossible or take forever to do with him around. Ilearned to appreciate my "alone time more " and learned to appreciate my baby/babies more when I have others help me get a break so I can regain myself and come back to being MOM recharged and refreshed.

Mattie, I was right there where you are, wanting to be "super mom" and do it all! Have the laundry done, baby fed, house cleaned, baby happy and dinner ready on the table when my husband came home. Guess what? I was driving myself crazy! I used to say, "One day, I will get caught up, sit down and enjoy myself. I will read that good book or give that long lost friend a call." Newsflash!!! You never get caught up! It is like chasing the wind, but there are blessings to be found. I finally came to realize, as a mother of two, what really is important. Let me first say that I cherish those moment with my children. They go by in a flash; however, I am not afraid to do something I want to do. Sometimes it means enjoying that cup of hot tea, while also playing a fun game with the kids. Or, perhaps, it is catching up with a long distance friend while the kids are watching a favorite show. My biggest advice is maximize your time. I do try and capitalize on "my time" every chance I get. Five minutes here, a few more minutes there can mean the world. Good luck and hang in there. Children are a precious gift and one that should be enjoyed. Live, love, laugh and make the most of these busy, hectic days.

Mattie, Letting your husband have time with the baby is not only a break for you, but it is time that Father and child can have to bond. I bet your husband cannot wait to come home and spend time with the baby. It will probably give him some mental time off from his day at work. Your article did not say if you had a boy or a girl, but if you had a girl, remember someday she too may have a baby and who will you want her to turn to? Her mother of course! My mother helped me to learn things while giving me a little break as well. My daughter just left for college, and it just seems like yesterday I was going through the new mother delema. We are not suppose to know it all, but we should have the wisdom to take care of ourselves first so we can care for the ones we love. Best of luck to you, the fun has just began.

Actually we arent doing it all.
So many of us are in your shoes, myself included. Sadly I used to wait until I was just so flustered with stress and on the verge of tears before I would ask if I could simply shower before 5pm.
Now, if things dont get done, they dont get done and I try to resist feeling guilty that my floors havent been cleaned in two weeks. But I say to myself, my kids are clean and healthy and fed. I took them to the park and read to them, they got a lot of mommy time today so forget the floors and move on.
Just give yourself permission to prioritize what is important to you. You cant do it all alone. Just because you stay at home doesnt mean that some chores cant be for your husband.
My partner works crazy long hours, but he has things he does when he is home. Im trying to "train" him to ask what he needs to do as soon as he gets home. I have a list for him when he is home and he can take as long as he needs to to complete it, but he feels like he is helping and I can focus on other things. We also have a rule that when he is home he takes care of our older son, espeically at night. The baby is my responsiblity and our pre-schooler is his. Our older son's routine is simpler and has been in place longer since he is the oldest so my partner cant forget what comes next!

My best advice is to use naptime for you and not laundry or toher household chores. Have a cup of coffee and do something that makes you happy. Anyone who says that they can do it all is lying. I have a 6 year old and a 1 /2 year old. Some chores will always be there.

As a stay at home mom of four and small business owner that works from home home I have walked in your shoes for many years now. I still appreciate a bubble bath ad quiet time at the end of the night to break away from the routine. Now my kids even enjoy the break, I emerge not cranky and ready to play cards, curl up on the sofa, whatever...and my husband knows that he'll gain in the new and improved me , too.

Quit being such a whiner.