Mattie take a deep breath and relax. your a mother of a beautiful baby God doesn't want you to do it all by yourself. if theres something u need and u can't get it a simple call to one of youe friends could do the trick, then maybe you can get that me time that your craving for.

I think the key thing to remember, which is so easy to lose sight of is that.... this is not forever. There will come a time of greater independence. I have a 6 and 8 year old and I am 39. I remember what those days were like, thankful to just be clean or have an adult lunch with someone. I am so glad though that you recognize the importance of having time for yourself, because although it will get easier, it will still be an effort for you to carve that out for yourself. Is there family in the area who would like to spend time with your baby? Perhaps you can find a local baby-sitter certification program and find a sitter you like and trust? Don't think your husband will begrudge spending the money, he won't, he wants you to be happy. Believe me, no matter what anyone says, it is easier to go to work everyday than it is to be a stay at home mom so lean on your husband!

I LOVE your 'mother's heart'! When I had young children I attended a mother's group that was a lifeline for me called MOPS.....Mothers Of Pre-Schoolers. Hosted usually in a church or community center by veteran mothers, it provided me with mentors, an outlet, friends for myself & my children. You can check it out at www.mops.org . It saved me in a number of ways when Iwas a young mother.

For Maddie in Atlanta featured on the last page of your Real Life, searching for advice on asking for help Girlfriend, let go ASK FOR HELP There is bravery in knowing your limits. Babies dont come with instructions and neither does life. Know what you know and recognize what you dont. People are always happy to give advice , look it at like a bunch of grapes pick the ripe ones that seem good to you, toss the others. Instinct, girlfriend, instinct

I am not sure if someone already said this but my first thought (and don't take this the wrong way) is swollow your pride. If getting help is better for your baby than do it. I had learn that when I started having kids. I slowing changed my way of thinking that whatever is best for the baby is what should be done. If you think about it it will probably be better for your husband as well.

Mattie, Your issue spoke to me. I too felt exactly that way when my son was born. He's 4 now, and sometimes I still feel like I should be able to do it all! What I've learned is that you need to be open to others help- your husband likely is as inexperienced as you are- so allow him time to care for the baby as well. Also, you can't function at 100% if you're exhausted so PLEASE use baby's sleep time as sleep time for you as well- I made the mistake of trying to cram in houswork or whatever I felt I was neglecting-bad idea! You have gone through a great deal of physical as well as emotional and hormonal changes when you have a baby- and you may not be the person you were pre-baby. Give yourself a break and learn about your new self. Raising kids is tough, but it does give your life a sense of purpose you never experienced before- good luck and stay sane!

Make that three MONTH old... see, my poor brain...

This was a really great article (and posting board) for me, as the first time mom of a three year old. I have an amazing husband, who wants to help, but I don't want to be a burden, or a failure... where does that come from??!! I've been learning, but it is really affirming to read that there are SO many of us struggling with exactly the same feelings. Thanks!

I think it's a compliment to reach out to others. It says, " I trust you enough to ask for your help." By reaching out you are using resources that are available to you and it takes a village.
Reach out so you're able to reach in!

We are women, that's for sure! I'm a divorced mother with three daughters, six pets, my own company and involved with many extracurriculars in the community. The caring, nurturing part of us as women I think make us sometimes feel inadequate or as if we are not doing enough, even if we are taking on the world. Delegating is very hard for many women I know, rather be full-time inside the home or full-time outside the home. Learn to do it! Start with small items for someone to help with and explain the task well with a big "thank you", then, you will have less pressure on you and begin to feel better as your new, most important role, as "mother". They really do grow up too fast!!!

After my son was born I started "The Strathmore Margarita Moms". It is a gathering of Moms who leave the kids with their husband/partner one evening a month. We then share stories. laughs, tears, advice and of course -- MARGARITAS! If you want, I did an interview with our local news station and typed up "How to Get a Margarita Group Started on Your Neighborhood". If you would like me to pass it along, feel free to email me at: natemia408@yahoo.com. Good luck!

-Stacy

Don't be so hard on yourself. There are no "supermoms" out there and if you think you know one she is probably a great actress that's trying to up you. It's okay to ask for a break. I was fortunate to have family to support me when I needed to walk or rest. My dad, believe it or not, has turned out to be the biggest saint of them all. After the birth of my second, he would pick up my older son and take him out for the afternoon. It gave me time to rest and readjust after giving birth again. You've heard it before- If mama ain't happy, ain't NO ONE happy!

Hi Mattie-
I completely understand and went through the same thing myself. I live in Atlanta as well and what helped me was a group of women in my neighborhood (but there are clubs throughout Atlanta) called M.O.M.S. Mothers Offering Mothers support. www.momsclub.org It is a great place to meet new friends that have children the same age as yours and are going through the same stages. I loved talking about what I was going through and others agreeing and offering me their stories as well. Plus, as the kids get older together you will have life long friends. My Mom's group has a monthly "Mom's Night Out" which I make a point to attend. It is always nice to get away from it all and be the composed "Super Woman" you used to be (and still are underneath!) Best wishes and you are already a great mom for understanding your limitations!

I had trouble asking for help for two reasons - fear of criticism and fear of disappointment. My mother had already passed away and my mother-in-law was a book of "you shoulds." If I ask and some one turns me down then what? I started by asking for help from those I felt safest with - my husband and by children's Godmother. It really helped to find other people who supported my journey without making it there own.

Surround yourself with real women who talk about how difficult it is to stay home and successfully avoid mommy mush-head. If you find yourself having tea with a friend who has just repainted her living room yet looks like a really hip model from the Anthopologie catalog; who has made a castle birthday cake for her third child and balanced the books for her husband's business - you may want to limit your exposure to this powerhouse of energy. She may be a great friend, but you need to check in women like me who, at 43 with two young children, happily admit I can't do it all. Here's what has helped make me happy. I make a list of things that need to be done - a small important list. Everyday I make a goal of accomplishing two of them. After I do that, I congratulate my self in some small way - a cup of tea, a long distance phone call to a friend, buying a new flavored lip gloss while on a diaper run. You need to honor the energy level you were born with and not set yourself up by comparisons. You will find, hopefully soon, that your pace has its' own rewards! You will most likely grow up to be the Kool Aid mom, because your house will be relaxed and lived in. You won't be following the kids around with a dustbuster to retain perfection.

Mattie - I am so proud of you! I remember you as the enthusiastic college student who knew everyone and loved being involved in everything, even when you had mono! Whether you get everything done when you want to have it done doesn't mean that you are not super-mom. You are! I hope you can figure out how to have your much needed "me time." You deserve it. I just know you are a WONDERFUL mother! As your former "big-sis", I wish I could help you!

Nobody does it all! And we can't compare ourselves to each other anyway. We're all given different gifts and challenges.

As a mother of a 16 month old, I've had many of these same feelings. One of the best things that I can tell you is that people actually want to help. But you just have to give them the chance. Think about the joy you are "taking away" by not giving them the opportunity!

I loved reading your "real life" column this month. Thanks for sharing. Your not alone!

Having raised three children I remember wanting "me" moments. My advice is to take them. When the baby naps, you nap. Leave what can be done by others (dishes, dusting, folding clothes) and read a book, watch a Masterpiece theater program. You can nurse the baby and watch a Netflix, listen to your iPod, sit outside in the sun. The key is not to feel guilty when you do take time for yourself. Everyone around you will do better when you are doing better when you take time for yourself. Take doesn't mean stealing--everyone deserves down time. Be good to yourself, and forget the guilt.

Please ask someone for help!!! If you don't, you'll go crazy. Babies don't come with instructions and nobody automatically knows how to "do" it (being a mother that is). And to all of those mothers who put up a front like they have everything in control, they're just faking it; trust me. I'm an attorney and there is no law that says you have to love it; motherhood will grow on you and you don't have to be ashamed if you don't know all of the answers; nobody does.
As for time to yourself, close and lock the bathroom door, put on your favorite song, light some candles, and soak in the tub or take a long, hot shower. I don't care who knocks on the door, if they're not bleeding, ignore them!
Peace and Blessings,
Machelle***

Hi Mattie,
I'm a new stay-at-home mom too and I have struggled with this issue a bit. I usually take "me time" during my seven-month-old's nap. I shower, watch "Ellen" and eat lunch. But one thing that really helps is carving out some me time during the weekends. This is hard to do because I want to be at home with my husband when he's home, but I've found it's really important to get out and do something fun with a girlfriend or just by myself (and it's not such a bad thing to let my husband and baby have some Daddy time either!). Having a couple hours to myself on the weekends leaves me more refreshed for the week ahead! Good luck!

In marriage counselling before my husband and I got married, the pastor looked at me and said "it doesn't make things less romantic if you ask for it." I remind myself of that all the time ... my husband can't read my mind, so whether it's asking for help, a hug, a date night, or what, it doesn't negate his sweet action if I've had to ask him for it.

you should make your needs known, don't think that your husband or anyone else, can read your mind. start with simple request and never add ugly comment. just say thank you and go take care of your self and say i love you.

p.s. Sorry about the spelling, one of the three was in my lap helping me type!

For me it is all about redefinition. FOr me finding me time means listening to my I pod (full of songs that make me feel young) while I do dishes or vacume. It energizes me and scince I do both things daily I get this kind of me time a lot more often than the spa! Try redefining your idea of handleing it all. Remember that truely being capeable and dynamic means being able to delagate. Lookking to others for help makes you a better, more cappable, happier mom! That truely is th definition of having it all under control! I wish I could have realized this before my third child! Good Luck!