While medications only gave me nightmares and no benefit, cognitive therapy helped me (see "Feeling Good", by D. Burns). I am naturally inclined to depression and I fell into it at a difficult time of my life, when I was under great stress at work and at the same time I had to face my parents' strong disapproval of my boyfriend. A disappointment from a close friend (now ex-friend), a conflict with a coworker and the break-up with my boyfriend were the last straw. I recovered within a year or so, but the scar is deep, and still now I have to work hard to keep my balance. I am unable to tell my parents about my new relationship, because I am sure of their disapproval and I am not ready to take it.

I was a police officer in MI for 12+ years after the birth of our first child I began to have some common marital difficulties. After a while my problems filtered over to work where I eventually was forced to resign. Everyone thought my problems were Attention Deficit Disorder. After I was terminated I began to see a new counselor who stated I do not have AD/HD but stress (depression) related to a failing marriage. The stress as confirmed by the Dr. mirors AD/HD. Love and Stress cost me my career and there is no way of getting the position back. I would do anything for ONE chance - but know one is willing to take that chance HELP. The problems at work seemed to mirror AD/HD poor judgment, inattentive, distractibility. As a Law Enforcement Officer this initial diagnosis has bared me from the entire occupation. Now I discover myself at 40 years old unable to support myself so I need to relie on my wife. I see no way out -

Sorry, The Highly Sensitive Person is the proper title.

To Dawn: You might want to check out the "Highly Sesitive Person" series. It teaches you how to work with or around the sensitivity. Look on Amazon. I'm not that sensitive compared to some of the scenarios in the books, but it's interesting stuff. And don't be shy about going to the doctor. It is okay to say you don't know what you need and ask her for several different treatment options to consider. You asked for suggestions, that's mine...

General Self-Help I Like, Others May Too:

"How To Be Your Own Therapist"
Not a substitute for real therapy, but it could be used along with it or to gear you up to try therapy. No magic, just practical excerises and self-reflection.

"Sink Reflections"
Is a disorganized home or closet bringing you down even more? Mara Cilley writes about cleaning up her act as part of her recovery from depression. Google "fly lady" to read her articles for free. It's a bit corny in parts, but this offers a ton of strucure for those who need it. Gives a plan for the week and the tone is loving and encouraging. For even the most die-hard pack rat. Also great if you struggle with perfectionism.

"I Could Do Anything, If Only I Knew What It Was"
And all the books by Barbara Sher. I like the stories in these books of people remaking their lives, finding joy again. Quick, easy reads that encourage you.

"Forty Over Forty"
Brenda Kinsel, other fashion books
I'm not in my forties, but this was the first book of hers I read. Gives you a push to clean out the closet and feel deserving of flattering clothes and treating yourself well. Gentle but firm instructions. Read her artcles for free on her website.

Any good reads for me?

I'm 41, and have been going through depression as long as I can remember. Funny, I thought I was doing pretty well until I read this month's article. As I was reading it, I realized there are definitely some things I need to address with my doctor. I'm glad I picked up this month's mag at the store...

I am 59 and all my life I have been prone to depression. In 1995, I had what I call my nervous breakdown. I own a very successfuly business and could no longer function. I started seeing a string of doctors and denying that I had a problem. I was on medication but kept trying to go off. My first psychiatrist was arrested for seducing one of his young patients and that set me on a downward spiral. I finally contacted my ob/gyn doctor who advised me to see my current doctor. At first, even with the meds, I sunk even further. I was driving down the road thinking how hopeless I was and though about suicide. I immediately turned into my doctor's office and sat there crying until he saw me. He wanted to commit me but I refused. From then on, I admitted to myself that I couldn't do it all by myself. That was 12 years ago and now I take 4 different combos of meds daily. I have come to the conclusion that this is a lifetime effort for me. I will never get off these pills and I know if I try, it will only be devastating. I still have the same successful business. And I work at it daily to stay motivated. I've turned to my faith in God to keep me going. That is the one rock on which I stand that never wavers. I would advise anyone with any kind of faith, to go ahead and let go and let God. It works if you believe.

At the end of my senior year of college; I became aware that something was seriously wrong. I began to see that I had always been "down", and I began to question whether or not I could ever feel normal and happy. I went to see a therapist at my school, who, because I was insisting I didn't want to kill myself, didn't seem to understand what my problem was (if she had probed further, she would have heard me say that while I didn't want to kill myself or to die, I wanted life to stop, because I couldn't handle the pain it held--this seems to be a common sentiment among depressed people, I later learned). I thereafter went on with my academic career, and began work with a new therapist who began to draw me out of the condition I was in. It has taken me 16 years of therapy on and off, but I have depression at bay. I have never taken any medication. I don't view this as a negative or a positive thing, it just happened that at the beginning, medication seemed too extreme to me, and in recent years, I have felt that I could cope without it. I fear that, once on the medication, I would never be off it. On the other hand, I have had two or three major events that triggered bouts of severe depression; if such an event happened again, I would consider taking medication. These days, I have small periods of depression occasionally--about three or four times a year. My way of coping with these is to see them as organic: almost like being sick with a cold--you're laid low for three or four days, then you get better. I know I will get better, and I just treat myself kindly for that time and don't try to rush getting better. I would also advise anyone who feels there is something wrong to keep talking to different doctors, experts, etc. until they find answers and help--don't let anyone tell you nothing is wrong if deep down you know something really is wrong.

I'm a health care lobbyist and thus often know far more about medical issues than the average person. I was not prepared, however, for the tail spin that came after giving birth to my daughter. I now know that so-called "postpartum depression" is far more common that most people know, and that it manifests in many ways -- rapid heart beat, a giant knot in your stomach and/or an impending sense of doom. As I told my husband, I didn't want to kill myself, I just wanted to die. Fortunately my husband isn't an ignorant person -- given the stigma of mental illness, I gather many men leave. We contacted our ob-gyn, found she knew some about this, but really, in the United States, it's the psychiatrists who understand anxiety, depression and panic disorder. This is primarily a function of the fact that the nation's Medicare program pays for all physician training in the U.S., and the teaching hospitals parse the body fairly narrowly. The folks trained for "above the ears" as my psychiatrist so humorously puts it, are psychiatrists. While internists and ob-gyns are often caring and even able to help, the best help is from a psychiatrist who works with "pharmacotherapy," which in this case means, talk therapy and medication. Who knows why this happened after birth? But I love my child and want to be a happy, healthy and loving mother. With the aid first of Celexa, then Lexapro and now Effexor (gets at more than Seratonin), I am able to function well. I know people don't want to be thought of as "crazy" so may tend to avoid psychiatrists, but the logical comparison is avoiding insulin because you don't want to be known as a diabetic. I also know it's popular to hate the drug companies, but medications like these anti-anxiety medications weren't available during my mother's day, which is, I'm fairly sure, why somewhere in everyone's family tree is "crazy Aunt Lucy." Don't let ignorance or fear of mental illness win the day. Know this is common, you're not alone, and thanks to investment in quality therapies, we can now take medicine which, along with a respectable diet and exercise regimen, allow us to lead good lives.

Your story about Sherry Walton in the October issues of "Real Simple" magazine really "hit home." As someone who has suffered two major depressive episodes requiring hospitalization: in 1990 and 2000, I found Sherry's story about her anguish and struggle in coping with this disease heartbreaking. Depression, like most mental illnesses, still carries a stigma since many people, even now, do not understand that it's a physical illness requiring treatment with medication or psychotherapy (usually both) to get well. Depression is a disease of faulty brain chemistry not a character flaw. Following, are the coping mechanisms that have kept me well for ten years: find the right medication and stay on it; keep stress to a minimum; be upfront about your illness with friends, family and even co-workers as they will usually be very supportive; get plenty of sleep; join an exercise program/gym and immediately seek help from psychiatric health care providers if you find yourself slipping back into depression. Above all, remember that it's not your fault and that help is aways available. I wish Sherry and her family continued good luck.

I was diagnosed with anxiety following the birth of my child. I couldn't eat or sleep. Thankfully I had a great OB-GYN who recognized it right away and sent me to a psychiatrist. I went on Klonopin for a few years and was doing fine for a year or so after going off it until I suffered a relapse. I then went on Lexapro, which works wonders. I still see the same psychiatrist and I'm tying to work on being less of a control freak. Exercise helps a lot as well.

I found out that I was depressed about 10 years ago. I went on Prozac and got out of the "slump". The problem is, I felt nothing. I'm sensitve by nature and like it that way. I cry at weddings, commercials, thoughtful cards from my husband... I'm back in the same slump and feel that I need to contact my doctror. I want an alternative. Any suggestions?

My first official struggle with depression was about 10 years ago when my father was diagnosed with cancer. I would have crying fits and feel so overwhelmed with every thing. If I was out with friend everything would feel muffled and I would feel like I was watching from afar and not connected to what was going on. I would flare up and get angry at most inappropriate time or just fall apart and have these crying jags. I attributed it to my father being sick but one day a friend took me aside and told me point blank that being around me was like have a albatross around her neck and that if we were to stay friend I should go and talk the schools doctor. The next day I went to see her and we did all the test and a week later I was diagnosed with major depression. Over the next 10 years I have done counselling and medication after a number of doctor and counselor I learned what my triggers are and how to deal with them. I have also stopped taking anti depression medication and for the last four years have been taking st john's wart three time a day. But I found that my very best strategy is talking with my mother both she and my two brothers have been with me through every step of my recovery. Neither my mother or brother live in the same city as me but when I feel overwhelmed I know that they are there for me. Looking back over my childhood and the talks I have had with my mom regarding time when I was young have lead me to believe that I may chronic depression and that both my paternal grandmother and my father may have also had some form of depression ths allows me to know that it is not all in my head and with the help of my family that I am going to be okay .

I am a teacher that was working on a graduate degree when the spiral downward slowly crept up to me from behind. Even though it had happened to me before-I didn't have a name to put on it yet and I didn't see it coming. It took me several years to get my health back because at the same time I was also diagnosed with Mono. My doctor said he had never had a patient over 35 with Mono--I was his first. I began therapy with a great therapist and reluctantly began a drug therapy. The medication was the best thing that has ever happened to me. My mood improved so much!! I didn't realize how 'down' I was until I was on the road to getting/feeling better. I also do yoga which helps a great deal--it seems to take away the cloudiness. I quit working for several years while I tried to sort things out and figure out what happened to me and what I needed to do to keep it from happening again. I have returned to work--perhaps one day I will complete a graduate program. I thank God every day for each day and for life. While no one really understands what happened to me, I now understand the many facets of depression. While I was not in a car wreck physically; mentally these years was the worst wreck of my life.

I was glad to see Sherri found an anti-depressent that worked. I am drug resistent. Nothing works for me. I have been on as many as 14 various anti-depressents a day and still been depressed. I tried herbs, improved my diet, exercise, talk therapy and a psychiatrist's care for 16 years. In the spring, I had shock therapy (E.C.T.) as an in-patient in a Boston hospital for almost 4 weeks. I did get better. Now 5 months later, I am slipping into depression again. I don't want the E.C.T. again. I have a masters degree, but I am unable to work. When I am really depressed, I crave carbohydrates, so I do try to stay away from too many carbs.

I've gone through several long periods of depression but have never used medication as treatment. I have always held the belief that having high points in life are balanced out by the lows. I do believe that medication and therapy are the proper treatment for many people suffering from depression but for me, it's all in life choices. Exercise, healthy eating habits, and having fun with friends and family keep me balanced- no meds needed!

Why do you always put wine ads by stories about depression?

I have dealt with depression and severe anxiety since age 12. I am now 40. I have tried different medications over the years, and now have my symptoms in remission. I worry about my kids--I know they have inherited the tendency for depression from me and my husband, so I keep a close eye on them for similar symptoms. I know I can never stop taking my medications, and am so happy (as a doctor who treats depression) that there are so many medications options available! It is so important to seek treatment, even when it feels like the most impossible task just to pick up the phone and call.

I totally related to Sherri Walton's story. I was diagnosed with chronic depression six years ago, after fighting it all of my adult life and most of my childhood. One of the most frustrating things about depression is that until you begin to feel better, you don't really understand how terrible you felt in the first place.

I take medication but I know it's not a cure-all; I still have to take responsibility for taking care of myself and recognizing when I need to take a time-out. Sometimes the maintenance gets tiring, though, and if I find myself on the downward slide, I'll go see a counselor to help me through it.

I have had to learn to recognize my own boundaries, when to ask for help, and when to say No. It's an ongoing process and I feel fortunate to have a good support system.

I really enjoyed this story. I have recently have been dealing with a bout of depression and anxiety. I am a SHM with two boys that keep me running. What I have realized through the course of this path of therapy, doctors and dealing with the questions... it's okay. Things are better when you are dealing with the problem instead of ignoring it.

I wish all that have commented the best and don't ever be afraid to talk about it...

I want to share this link with readers.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm

There are great suggestions for self-care and recovery from depression, and the tone is realistic and sensitive. I hear what people are saying about how depression is not just a chemical balance and how it seeps into everyday life. At the same time, I think some improvement is always better than none. As women, we are all too accepting of things that lower our quality of life, but we need to take good care of ourselves. Feeling like nothing will improve IS the depression, not necessarily reality. It can help to just allow the depressed thoughts to surface, not fight them, but just be aware that it's the depression talking, and let the thoughts pass. That can help you stick to your recovery plan or to continue to fight to find the right plan for you. My two cents.

I don't think what most people understand about depression is that it's not just a disorder or a chemical imbalance, or an illness; it's part of daily life. For the world at large it's hard to comprehend what goes through our minds. I've suffered my whole life and when I was younger I found myself into many self destructive habits as a result. As an adult I came to the realization that no matter how much therapy, support, or sympathy that I can get from the outside world, the most important person that can help me is me. I've accepted that I can't fix everything in life that makes me feel low-especially those things that I can't put a label on. In the evening I take a kitchen timer and I give myself 30 to 45 minutes (depending on my level of depression that day) to myself so that I can feel bad for everything that is bringing me down and then I take myself on a walk and process all of those bad feelings out by cranking up my iPod and rock out or talking it out with myself. and don't care if I look crazy-It's more important that I feel good.

I have had trouble with anxiety and depression pretty much all my life, although the depression didn't really set in until college. In any case, after years of therapy and drugs, the thing that I have found the most helpful has been meditation. I am not one who is really into new age or alternative medicine type-stuff- I actually got to the meditation through doing cognitive-behavioural therapy. My therapist gave me a book to read, Jon Kabat-Zinn's Full Catastrophe Living, which subsequently led me to a class that taught the meditation techniques he discusses in the book. I never thought I would be able to do something like meditation, as I am one of those people whose mind is constantly running- I always thought meditation entailed clearing your mind, which I can never do. However, what it really did for me was not to banish my issues with anxiety and depression but to help me accept them. Things don't go away just because we want them to- in fact, this often makes it stick around longer or get worse. The most important thing I learned was just to recognize and accept my thoughts- and realize that they are thoughts and that they don't last forever. This, along with (finally) finding medication that works (although the medication issue is still a constant struggle) has helped me immensely- an eight week course seemed to make more sense of things to me than years of therapy. I see now that alot of the therapy was saying much the same thing, but in a way that I didn't understand or to which I was not receptive. Therapy often made me feel like there was always something wrong with me, while the meditation course taught me that I am who I am, that everybody has stuff going on, and that I am not a bad person for having issues. I think ultimately there are so many different types of treatment out there, that it is really a matter of finding the one (or ones- I would definately recommend taking multiple routes) that speak most clearly and make the most sense to the particular individual.

I was diagnosed with major depression (unipolar), severe generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and OCD when I was 16. Beware of labeling behaviors of other people as "normal" just because you've experienced them yourself; my mother assumed that my anxiety was normal because she went through it the same way, as did my father for his OCD and mine. I'm completing my BA in psychology and I also think most women don't know this: my Abnormal Psych professor, who was previously a clinical psychiatrist, warned us that anxiety disorders and depression often go hand-in-hand. This seems especially true of women. That knowledge would have saved me a lot of confusion in my time. I'm 22 now, and happier and healthier than I've ever been due to medication and therapy. One more thing: don't just go to one doctor and assume that is that. Get tested for *everything* if you're depressed-- it could be anything, mental and/or physical, from trauma to prescriptions to hormones to thyroid problems and everything in between. It's never as simple as it looks in textbooks or brochures (or magazine articles!), because everyone is different and no two patients with the same illness are exactly alike. Listen to your body and get in touch with your thoughts. Don't sit still for people who won't help you or take you seriously. Again, women are often not taken seriously by their doctors, even their female doctors. Insist on being examined, counseled, and guided to a solution you can live with. Be your own advocate, and fight for your health-- your life may depend on it! I have a lot more advice from years of dealing with this junk, problems both mental and physical, and I'm thinking about writing a book someday. Take care, stay well, and fight for what you need-- Alice

whoops, should read "absolutely." and Ms. PB&J's lunch break is now over...