Get help. If you have depression like I do you cannot do it alone.

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Im struggling with depression right now alot of bad stuff has happen to me, i just want to fall down and end my life. In the past 10 days i havent ate that much ive been being alone alot listening to depressing music. I really could use some help

Since my mother had clinical depression when I was a teenager I have always been aware of the possibility of my having the same thing happen to me. A constant uplifting and 'others-oriented' attitude is what I CHOOSE on a daily basis. I avoid friends who are always talking negative about things such as the news, others, society. It is an easy trap to fall into especially if one is always tuned in to news programs. It is their job to report the shocking, negative, frightening and even dangerous events of every day living throughout the world. But what it doesn't show is the goodness of humanity. It is out there but we rarely hear about it. I like to be a bringer of good news, giver of compliments--noticing the good things people do, and the sender of thank-yous. Bring that positive attitude home and those around you will catch it.

The two things that help me to keep depression at bay:
1. consistant exercise... things I enjoy, like bike riding to the grocery store to get dinner, going for an afternoon walk with the dogs and a friend, perusing the farmer's market for that evening's meal. It all adds up. And when I get my body moving, the emotional energy gets drained.
2. volunteering
3. talking with a trustworthy pal

I didn't realize until my early 30's that i suffered from depression. i just thought it was normal because i never knew how to feel any other way. i'm still trying to completely rid myself of it, now it's just isolated to the winter blues. i'm trying to get through that and so far so good.. how i managed getting this far was a Psychologist that specializes in CBT not meds, because they didn't work and i got tired of being a guinnea pig. i also did alot of self help.. reading books about other people's depressions and how they managed, and trying their solutions as well. i also turned to my God, and Pastor joel Osteen helped to inspire me to think differently.. now after 2.5 years i'm pretty much ok, i now have a nice little thing called anxiety, and also insomnia.. i still go to diff. dr's to find out if the insomnia and anxiety aren't related to hormones or something. i'm happy, i look forward to tomorrow now instead of dreading it.

I have a story that most people don't want to hear, but I must tell it anyway, because it is very valid.
I was treated in the psychiatric system for quite a few years. During that time, I became sicker and sicker, despite all the doctors and therapists , hospitalizations and medications (27 at last count), psychiatric labels up the wazoo, not to mention ECT , which did nothing for me but destroy my memory. I cannot tell you all the ways I was abused in the psychiatric system - physically, mentally, spiritually and financially. Four years ago, near death (according to my friends and family), I left "the system", tapered off the medications and never looked back.
Today, I am no longer suicidal noram I mentally ill. In fact, I was recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia - an illness I believe was present all along. It all makes sense to me now - Fibromyalgia patients are extremely sensitive to everything (including medications which made me unable to function). Depression and anxiety are symptoms of Fibromyalgia (they DO NOT CAUSE Fibromyalgia). For many years, I kept telling doctors and therapists that I was in bad physical pain and extremely fatigued all the time. They ignored me, mocked me and told me I was "mentally ill".
As you can imagine, I am no friend of the psych system. I think it can misdiagnose easily and even destroy people's lives who are NOT mentally ill in the first place.
Perhaps you will not believe me nor like what I have to say, but there are many more of us survivors than you can imagine. For those who benefit from psychiatry, that's wonderful, but for those who should never be labeled with "mental illness" in the first place, there is hope, if only you listen to your inner self. I did and my nightmare ended.

Hi All, I have struggled too with depression which also started after the birth of my secod child. Before that I worked fulltime was very busy & never really sat still long enought to get the blues (I should say I had the blues like anyone else but went on with my life when I was younger) After child #2 I started to have panic attacks & generally lost interest in outside activities. With therapy, medication & talking to others it has lessoned. Medication is VERY IMPORTANT. Also looking back now I was in peri-menopause when this started as I had my last child at 38. Now I take bio-identical hormones, a small amount of anti-depressants & eat very few processed carbs (bread, pasta) because they make me lethargic. Good Luck to all those with depression, it is real & it can be so debilitating!

I should have included in the previous post that I take three antidepressants, one of which is NOT for the depression but rather for fibromyalgia but my present psychiatrist insists she be the one who writes the prescriptions. I also take valium and that too is not for mental health reason but the doc treats it the same was as the one antidepressant! So I feel as if I am a walking example of how one pyschiatrist wants to control my medical health.

I saw a therapist for the first time after seeing a lawyer about a divorce. Her suggestion was marriage counselling, so husband #1 agreed. After a number of sessions, the therapist knew I had problems that had nothing to do with the marriage, so I saw her on my own for a period time. Did eventually divorce husband 1 and remarried not long after divorce. That marriage meant a move from an upper midwestern city to one in central Texas. I was very glad to be out of the marriage and with man who is presently my husband. But in a very short time frame, I was having a terrible time; would call a friend at work -- she finally said I had to do something, she was not able to talk as much as I needed. Finally bit the bullet and called the therapist I had previously seen to see if she could possibly give me a name. (I think having a referral is much better than picking a name out of a box, etc.) 20 years after I first started seeing that woman, I would love to have her close so that when I need someone who made me dig as much as she did, she could be available. After a few years in Texas, we moved back to midwest and following the advice of the therapist I had been seeing, I tried to see a doctor with whom I could go through pyschoanaylis, but I could not get past the "screener" and I also felt that that person was undermining all of the work and progress I had made in the past several years. That person was a grad student and rather than answering me directly, she would mutter subtle comments just loud enough for me to catch some of what she had said. So I tired another resource that I had used previously but was told the organization I called did not have a support group but they did give me a name. Called, made an appointment and from either late December or January, I saw the woman on a weekly basis. As my birthday grew nearer, I started having very big problems and the therapist decided it was time for more intervention. I called our mental health insurance, they had me come in, gave me a test --- Minnesota ???, a pretty wellknown test. After I finished the test, I was left in the room where I had taken the test, found myself tired and cold, eventually curled up on the floor and a staff person did eventually find something for wamth. They then set up an appointment with a pyschiatrist! That was a joke --- he couldn't control his office, was an hour late, his daughter whom I have no idea if she had any training decided to start the intake interview. Doctor/father arrives and the two have a discussion about other patients IN front of me. He then sends daughter out, asks several questions, wrote a script and had me make another appointment. His push was for me to become a part of his day care program for a period of 2 weeks. I saw him one more time, called our behavioral provider and said the doc did not have a functioning office, therefore, I didn't think he was qualified to treat me. I had the name of another pyschiatrist, but he was out of network, so they said I had to see the original one until they could make arrangements for me to see the other doctor. Finally saw him --- probably last appointment of the day, he spent 2 or more hours getting history from me. And at one point, I finally asked him how he could understand or relate to some of my remarks; turned out we had grown up not far from each other so he knew much about the area and the impact that could have had. He did switch the medicine and also, I think wrote a script for valium. With in two days, I had taken an overdose of those! after an argrument with husband. Mind you, I was functioning enough that I was going to work everyday! Anyway, husband or therapist insisted I call the shrink and he ordered me to go to the hospital that night! I protested that order as the following day was my birthday and I DID not want to spend it in hospital. However, I was not given any real choice in the matter. Well, the two weeks I spent in the hospital was one of the best experiences I have had! I had a very of therapies that I participated in daily --- from meditation to art therapy and a daily meeting with the pyschiatrist. While I was in the hospital, he began to put me on an antidepressant, gradually increasing the dose to what was determined to be the appropriate level for my body and condition. Diagnosis was severe, major depression. Upon discharge, I saw him either on a monthly basis or a quarterly basis but did continue to see the "talk therapist". One thing that I had realized in the past several years was that my birthdays were always a difficult time for me, and had been for as long as I could remember! One day, while looking at a family genealogy chart, I suddenly realized that my older brother had been killed in front of our home exactly 3 weeks before my 2nd birthday. At some point I talked to my mother about it and learned more than I had known previously --- seemed I was standing at the door with her watching for him to get of the bus and saw the car, driven by a drunk driver, hit his body and watched as his broken, bloody body flew in the air before coming to rest!
So, what much therapy and digging, I realized that flashes that I would have from time to time, were actually flashbacks of the accident. And as he was 4 when I was born, he and my mother had been very close during the war years, our father had a government contract that took him away from home often, so Mother had watched in horror as the son who had survived spinal mengitis just months before, was killed. She always said she had to go on because she had 2 babies to take care --- my sister was 5 months old at the time of my brother's death. But she had to have had anniversary reactions each spring and my birthday was almost an after thought.
Later, when I was between the ages of 9 to 11 or so, I was sexually molested by my grandparents neighbor. So, there was another trauma in my childhood.
But I had finally connected some dots about what triggered the serious bouts of depression that would occur sometime after moving --- we had moved the day my sister was born, so each time I moved as an adult, I would and still do have an anniversary reaction. That was very clear several years later when my husband and I moved for a second time and I took a very serious overdose and had to have my stomach pumped and was again hospitalized for 2 weeks. That was in a rural hospital and I didn't have the services available that I had had access to in the previous hospital. But with each move since that time, I have learned to be on guard for another reaction!
I see a pyschiatrist on a quarterly basis for med checks and I really am counting the months until we make our final move and I no longer have to see her! Of all of the doctors I have seen, I can't stand her! I do meet bi-weekly with a therapist for an hour and she is so calming and has helped me a great deal in the past three months. But I know that this is a beast that can rear it's head at a bad time and am now waiting for husband to retire and we will move back to the area I grew up in and will have a support system that is aware of part of my history. I cannot tell you how many people will say something to me about my brother --- but it is in a caring way and I also know that when I am in the church I grew up in, I feel as if I am at home!!!
I will always need the medicines and someone to talk to but I do have a much better understanding of what can trigger hard time for me and can often do things to ward it off!
Thank you for reading and to everyone else who battles with depression, I can only hope you find professionals in the mental health field that you can relate to, if you need medicine, that you get the ones you need and know that you are not alone. We are all unique and our stories are so many and have so many different aspects!

I'm in the middle of a terrible time with major depression after being in a car accident and getting a tree in the head resulting in a TBI (traumatic brain injury)...I LOOK fine, but the loses have stacked up. I'm currently seeing a renown Neuropsychiatrist who is very compassionate and patient. Along with Effexor, I see a Phsychologist who is helping me to regain skills and organization, etc. It has been 3 years now. I have a caring and wonderful Spiritual Director whom I also meet with, along with a loving and supportive husband and 3 adult children. There's no easy way out...but God will not give us more than we can handle. This I truely believe--tho very hard a times. Count the blessings in your life. You may not FEEL joy, desire or any of the once familiar emotions but remember that you are loved by God just as you are, where you are, for who you are because He made you. And God does NOT make junk.

My family has battled depression for generations, and it has affected me as well. After a bad marriage in my 20s, I sought out therapy and spent many years off and on figuring things out. I have accepted the fact that I need to be on medication all of the time. I use the cognative therapy approach all of the time, and it is very helpful. No longer will I tell myself that I'm stupid, or take blame for things that I can't control. No that I'm in my mid fifties, it is time that I'm getting rid of non productive or destructive relationships in my life.

When I first started using the cognative therapy approach, I'd tell myself how well I'd backed out of the driveway, how well I'd matched my clothes, and spend all day giving myself compliments! After 15 years, I've erased all of the negative scripts that I was handed as a child.

Accepting that I need medication all of the time is huge, and it comes with the realization that depression is a disease to be treated like any other.

My best friend in the whole world proved it a million times over to me when she and her husband had my husband renovate their perfectly fine laundry room in the basement so that we had something to "do" each evening for a few weeks and that gave everyone an excuse to have dinner together each night so my husband didn't have to try and make me smile (talk, eat or really just breathe) all by himself! Nancy in Danville, PA

Its nice to see a posting from Mike. I feel like women are better at talking about depression than men. My father experienced a depression so bad, he took the life of my mother and himself before he could get help. Apparently (I found out from my therapist), men who take their lives will also take those of the people they feel responsible for. I had always struggled with severe anxiety, but my parents death triggered a severe depression that hit, surprisingly, two years later.To everyone else I was the "rock", but then I crumbled. Therapy, exercise and an extremely supportive husband got me through it. I had minor ups and downs after that mostly related to stress until the birth of my child. PPD hit me hard-again therapy, exercise and medication got me through it.
As you can tell from most of these postings, no one's an expert on how to treat this. And when you're in the middle of it you have no idea how to get out (FYI, I called the TX PPD hotline during my bout and found it disconnected). Hormone fluctuations played a big part in my depression cycles -I figured that out on my own, but until the medical and social communities start bringing the problem of depression out into the open, people who suffer from it will still be left to guess and try and hope.
If there's any one thing I learned from my father's depression, and my own, its that you HAVE to hold on. Things WILL get better.

For over 20 years I struggled with depression and chronic fatigue, brought on ,I thought, by extreme stress over several years time. Prozac helped, but my energy level and ability to live a normal life were severely compromised. It wasn't until I read "The Sexy Years" by Suzanne Somers that I realized I had gone through early (I was 45) meno-pause during those same stress filled years. I found a doctor who prescribed natural hormone therapy and within days I felt much better. I had more energy and really felt good for the first time in years. That was 5 years ago. Since then I have resumed a normal active life (I am 71 years old). I swim, go to Curves, play organ for my church, lead a Bible Study, read, cross-stitch, enjoy my grandchildren and life in general. For post menopausal women, I definity recommend having their hormone levels checked. It was a real life saver for me.

Sometimes depression is, as you say, inverted anger, but it doesn't have to be. I hear you blaming yourself unnecessarily. Depression does not need to have a reason or cause AND you can recover from depression without finding and "fixing" the "reason." The human spirit is mysterious, and we can't always understand everything about ourselves, and that's okay.

Medication, therapy, changing thinking and behavior, can all help a lot. Many people try about three medications before finding one that works, others try more. Also, therapy every other week for depression is better than nothing, but imo, if it is financially possible, twice per week really speeds progress. Just my opinion. You may need to try several shrinks before you find the right one. After about three sessions, you may get a sense that someone is right, or you can move on.

Please be proud of yourself for trying and don't give up. You are worth the effort. It's unfair that your earlier treatments were not effective, but keep trying.

Ease up on yourself about making friends and finding a guy. You're so young. I remember feeling sooo old at 25, which makes me smile now. When the time is right, you can rekindle old connections or make new friends. I know of many women who met their husbands in their early or mid 30s. No one should judge you if you are not dating now, and your dating history is no one's business but your own. Try just taking some excercise or art classes or doing volunteer work to be around people, but it's okay to keep things light. This is a good time to focus on you.

I am not aware of any depression boot camps per se, but I know Outward Bound does a course for veterans with PTSD and depression and other issues. Outward Bound is wonderful for building character and inner strength overall, maybe they could help you find an appropriate trip. There are some health spas that do have weeklong programs that focus on health and wellness in a holistic way, like Canyon Ranch, but are not designed for depression. They could be useful to learn about self-care and meditation and so on.

Good luck. Be kind to yourself. Every single person is valuable and deserves compassion.

I'm 25 and have all the potential in the world, but I feel as if I am locked in a prison with only a window to watch life pass by. I've been struggling with major depression for as long as I can remember...and I have no real reason to be. I have been given everything in life: money, smarts, looks, family, and health. I get so angry and disappointed that I am not strong enough to kick this. I understand that depression is a form of inverted anger, but I can't help but feel shame and embarrassment for my depression. It seems so self indulgent and I don't want to burden anyone with my depression. For this reason I cut myself off from the world. I have neglected friendships and hid from all potential relationships with men. I desperately want to live life. I've been through a # of therapists and drug treatments ever since high school. But one hour sessions every other week or so has proved absolutely fruitless. I feel I need something more intensive -- like a holistic approach that will attack this problem at every angle and finally give me a jump start to begin enjoying life. Is there any kind of program out there that is something like a depression "boot camp"? Maybe a couple of weeks or a month long program. Someplace that looks at every aspect of your life, from thought patterns to spirituality to nutrition exercise and blood work. I think almost a "rehab" kind of place is what I need, but I have no drug addictions. Although I do have some bad habits I need help kicking. Please give any thoughts or ideas of places I could look into. I haven't been able to find anything like this around.

Suzi:
You still have everything going for you, you have just hit a really hard road bump. It might sound funny, but it is good news that you are upset about being depressed. What this tells me is that you care about feeling well and are a fighter. You're not giving up. Keep up the good work of getting professional help. That will make all the difference.
Your pregnancy will be healthy and safe. Be aggressive in asking any questions you have and airing all your concerns with your doctor. Their whole entire job is to help you and assure you. That is why they are on this earth.
Your girls have not lost their mother. You are continuing to fight in the face of something really tough. That is setting a great example of perseverance, and that is what being a good mother is all about. You are young. You will be able to share many good memories in the future. Yes, children are blessings from God, but being a parent is really hard at the best of times. You may be a mother, but remember that you are also someone's child. Be gentle with yourself. There is so much of life still ahead of you.
If faith is important to you, you might try www.explorefaith.org. It is not a touchy-feely, hearts-and-flowers kind of site. It addresses topics like feeling disconnected from God, dealing with hardships in life, and many other issues. I personally like the "Spiritual Life Coach" essays. There is also a feature where you can email questions to a pastor (Episcopalian, but I don't think it matters what denomination or even what religion, really). Of course, I know faith is not for everyone, and trying to feel close to God in a time of distress can feel like just one more burden to carry. But you might find something helpful there.

Wishing you peace.

I had everything going for me at the young age of 32 years. A great job, a new Masters degree, 2 beautiful daughters, a wonderful husband, and a brand new five bedroom house. I completely crashed (it occurred slowly without me knowing it during the second pregnancy). After I had the second baby and while we were buying our new hosue, I began to experience very vague unexplainable physical symptoms. I went to numerous doctors, emergency rooms, and they kept telling me nothing was physically wrong with me. I couldn't believe it became so consumed by all of it that I also had a complete mental breakdown and had to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I was diaghnosed with major post-partum depression, anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. In addition, I recognized that an teenage bout with an eating disorder completely resurfaced during this time without me really recognizing it. I went on meds, but they did not really help, I have been to therapists too. I am now pregnant (accidentally)with a third child and am very terrified that I won't phsycially survive the birth, nor mentally be able to handle it. I have good providers caring for me, but is it enough? I feel hopeless much of the time, and am fighting every day to enjoy my time with my children. I never imagined this would happen to me. Children are a true blessing and gift from GOd, but I look at them and feel they have lost their mother, the one human being whom they need the most (yes they need Dads too). I will probably try meds again after the pregnancy because I want to beat this and be a survivor, but there are times that living like this is not all that appealing. Help!

By the way, the login is to access the chats part of the site. You can read the articles and so on without it. Sorry if that was confusing.

That's psychcentral.com. Sorry. Hey, there's a reason I didn't make my username, "The Speller."

This might be of interest to some folks. I know it was to me. I stumbled onto this site after reading a New York Times article about communication between couples. There is a site called pyschcentral.com. It is run by a psychotherapist and there are various chat rooms for different mental health issues. One of the chats is sponsored by the therapist once a week in the evenings, I think it's around 9 pm Eastern, which is good for those who work or have small children. There is also an "Ask the Therapist" feature; you can email in your questions. Lots of articles on mental health, maybe something will strike a chord with you. I get the feeling some people have more stories to tell than you can in a few paragraphs, and you might enjoy the chats. You do have to create a login to access the site. Wishing everyone good health and recovery.

So I want to write a story that I hope will help. I have suffered from depression probably since I was a teenager. I had my first major episode when I was 19 but didn't know what it. I nearly failed out of school and it was a very stressful period in my life. I went to a doctor who became convinced that I was "faking" because of my issues in school. She actually yelled at me because she thought I wanted a note as an excuse. I had my second episode when I was about 25 and then another the following year. At that point I reached the realization that I really really needed help but I was terrified of asking for it because of the reaction I had the first time. But I did ask, I did get help in the form of therapy and life got a little better. The following year I started in a downward spiral again. This time I finally decided to consider medication. It worked. The inital side effects were troubling but I stuck with it and life was GOOD for the next 5 years or so. Then I got pregnant. I was feeling so good during the pregnancy I went off the medication (celexa) because I knew it would be better for the baby. My husband and I knew there was a risk of post partum depression but didn't think about it too much. Then Alex was born. I crashed. In all the time I've been depressed, I have never felt that bad. It was the darkest, hardest, most awful month of my life. In the beginning I was numb, then I was scared. Scared of becoming psychotic, scared of killing my baby, scared that I was never going to get better. I started medication again and the side effects were even worse this time. I needed valium to sleep a couple of times...BUT it got better. Fast. I am lucky, I have a fabulous doctor, an amazing support system, the most extraordinary husband and medication that works. I'm even considering the possibility of having another baby one day! The important thing is....you CAN get better. Different things work for different people. Yes, there are a very small percentage of people who never feel happy. But it is small. Most people get better...but you will never get better if you don't get help. Sometimes help means therapy, sometimes it means medication. None of this is easy, but it CAN get better. You can feel better. I just wish more people out there were willing to say that. It would have been a great comfort to me in my darkest hours.

after a lifetime of struggling between vague sadness and paralyzing feelings of hopelessness, i finally sought professional help. although my psychiatrist did all she could to help, i resigned myself to surviving chronic depression by withdrawal. only by retiring from my job and minimizing participation in many "everyday" life activies, am i able to function without breaking down. side effects of medications were debilitating; talk therapy wasn't making a difference. deep down i understand that i should probably keep trying to get help, but for now i have accepted that i'm not going to be a "happy" person.