I appreciate the article highlighting the problem with IF! My husband and I have been ttc for over 7 years now and I never thought this would be a problem for us. In 2004, we lost a baby at 5 weeks and haven't been able to get pregnant since then. During that time, my sister has been pregnant twice - one miscarriage, one beautiful nephew - my brother in law and his wife have a cute little girl, and my husband's stepsister has two children.

Last year, while on Clomid, I had an adverse reaction. My first side-effect was vision loss, but I didn't tell anyone because I wanted a child that badly. Then I ovulated on day 13 and again on day 19, which is very rare. The second follicle ruptured into my abdomen causing severe pain and bloating. My nurse (who is wonderful) held my hand and said "I know you don't want to hear this, but now is a good time to have relations."

That cycle went by unsuccessfully, but midway through the next cycle, I began having migraines with complete vision loss in my right eye. I had a migraine straight from July 10th until the end of September. The doctors found a thumb-sized cyst on my brain that didn't appear to be harmful but my head hurt! After surviving that and looking at ttc again, every time I think about fertility treatments I get so stressed I want to vomit.

In January, we contacted Bethany Christian Services about domestic special needs adoption and have recently finished our classes. If all goes according to schedule, we should have placement by Christmas! We won't get an infant, but we will have children who need us as much as we need them. We are specifically asking for a sibling group.

I still grieve every time I suspect someone is pregnant or any time someone announces a pregnancy. I still can't attend baby showers. I can, however, finally go into Baby's R Us and sit in the extra-wide rockers so that I can hug all the kiddos at once. I am finally able to decorate the other two bedrooms in the house that have stayed closed up because it hurt too much to look at the empty rooms in our perfect little house. I am finally able to pick out the perfect spot in the backyard for the swingset.

I may never be pregnant and I may never have a child with my exact shade of blue eyes, but I will be a mother and my husband will be a father. I can't wait!

I realized after the fact that I should include my wonderful doctor's name, for anyone who might need him. His name id Dr. Silverberg and he is with the Texas Fertility Center in Austin, TX. He is wonderful - compassionate, nice and will sit and talk with you to find the best strategy.

I really enjoyed the article on infertility from the May issue. We struggled for 3 years and 2 infertility doctors before we had our son. The first doctor said that there was nothing wrong, we we tried Clomid for 6 months. Luckily we moved to Austin and found a wonderful doctor, who, on the first visit, discovered I had a split uterus (which is when the wall that divides the uterus doesn't disintegrate during puberty). After surgery (covered 100% by my insurance) to correct that issue and clean up the Endemetrosis (from being off the pill for 2 plus years), we got pregnant with the first round of infertility drugs with IUI (for less than $2000). I would advise anyone who is struggling with infertility to get a second or third opinion. Don't wait years and thousands of dollars trying the wrong techniques!

Shannon

There is SO much about the WOMAN being infertile, but NOT about the MALE factor! I was surprised that when I read the infertility article, there was NO MENTION of this fertility problem. Honestly, I haven't read very much about this issue anywhere whether it be in magazines or the internet. I am looking for a "ray of hope." Not "you can use a donor" or "you can adopt." I'd love to know why Real Simple did not include the male factor issue?

My husband and I married in December 2002. After 6 months of wedding bliss we decided it was time to start a family. So, I visited my then OB/GYN and started prenatal vitamins and took a Natural Family Planning class to learn how to chart my BBT and CM patterns to optimize our chances of having children. The first time we found out I was pregnant was in February 2004. On Easter Sunday, we shared the news with both sides of the family. Four days later, I started to bleed. I was out of town on business and it was extremely traumatic. But, I held onto hope after talking with my mom from the hospital because she said that she experienced bleeding early on when she was pregnant with my older sister and when she was pregnant with me. Unfortunately, after I flew home, the miscarriage was inevitable. I saw my doctor a few days later and the ultrasound showed no heartbeat, and the only remnants of our first child was the sac. She sent me home with medicine and I continued to miscarry naturally. I bled for another few weeks.
Fast forward another 14 months, and I still wasn't pregnant. But, in June 2005, I was a few days late, and the pregnancy test was positive! Five days later, the bleeding began and I miscarried for the second time. The hospital confirmed it this time as it was over the weekend. My OB/GYN called me on Tuesday after hearing the news and told me, "I'm not really concerned about you. Why don't you try gaining 20 pounds and you'll be pregnant in no time!" I did gain the 20 pounds and decided to find a new doctor.
Separately, two friends recommended my current OB/GYN who specializes in infertility. He is also a NFP-only doctor and studies with Dr. Hilgers in Omaha. In our consulative visit, he was compassionnate, reviewed every single one of my charts, listened to my concerns, etc... He took a series of blood draws and tests. Ultimately, he diagnosed me with a luteal phase defect and sub-optimal hormone production. I began taking Clomid and injections of the hCG hormone (post-ovulation). It took five months before my hormones reached a healthy level. I miscarried once after this time, my third child.
In August 2006, my doctor performed laparoscopic surgery and discovered Stage II endometriosis which was removed at that time. I remained on the Clomid and hCG until December 2006, when I miscarried for the fourth time. My doctor decided to take me off the infertility medication and we told him that we needed to take a break. It had been a very long, heartbreaking 3.5 years of trying to conceive.
Currently, my husband and I are pusuing a domestic adoption while prayerfully considering our next step in infertility treatments. I will be seeing my OB/GYN next month to discuss our options.
What I've learned through all of this is that our desire to have children is so very strong, but our love for one another has grown even stronger. I've also learned how insensitive other people can be when you don't have children. I've been accused of not liking children; I've been told to relax and go on vacation; I've even been told to get drunk and just let it happen!. I've also been offended by those who think it's helpful to tell me how lucky we are that we don't have to get up in the middle of the night to console or nurse a crying baby.
What all of these people don't understand is that assumption, at least in our case, doesn't help us, but hurts us that much more. The assumptions by people who haven't dealt with infertility or miscarriage don't make sense, and aren't the truth. Just because we're considering adoption now doesn't mean that we'll automatically get pregnant once we bring the child home. It just doesn't work that way. And what we would give to stay up all night--every night--to wipe away the tears of our crying, hungry child of our own!
Thank you for including the stories of the infertile couples in this month's issue of Real Simple. I appreciate your sensitivity to the matter.

My husband and I married in May of 1999 and started trying to conceive right away. My cycles always seemed somewhat normal to me, although I had struggled with depression to varying degrees since I was a teenager, and I normally had bad cramps as my period began. The cramps not uncommonly sent me home from work or otherwise made me feel like I had to lay down and rest. Yet, I never thought of either of these things as health problems.

I first went to an gynecologist in February of 2000 when it was beginning to bug me a bit that we hadn't gotten pregnant yet. We had learned the sympto-thermal method of NFP charting, and this GYN was supportive of the CCL approach. He tested my thyroid levels and found them a tiny bit low, so he put me on synthroid at a very small dose. We gave that a chance to do its thing for a few months, but by the summer of 2000 I was really feeling distressed over not conceiving. My boss's wife suggested I contact the Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha. I called, and the nurse I spoke to was the first who used the word "infertility,"applied to our circumstance. Emotionally, I was sooooo not ready to hear that. The nurse explained that i would have to learn a new NFP charting method, send records out to Omaha, then possibly go out there for a slew of tests and possibly surgery. It was all so overwhelming I decided not to pursue it. We decided I would try our local resources first.

I made another appointment with the local GYN I'd seen before. I mentioned my problems with depression, and his response was "Oh, don't be sad!" He saw that I was producing a decent amount of mucus and concluded I was ovulating. He looked at my CCL charts and said they looked just like a textbook case of a normal cycle. He concluded there wasn't much more he could do and told me to pick a specialist to see in the nearest big city (Pittsburgh).

By the time I got the appointment with the Women's Hospital in Pittsburgh it was December of 2000. I went for a consult and was told I could try clomid, IUI or IVF. I was told I didn't have endometriosis because I didn't have any pain. I had just turned 33 and was told I was just the age they like to see. They explained that I would go through various tests for one cycle, but since that cycle was going to coincide with Christmas, when their lab would be closed, I had to wait until the next one.

So in January of 2001 we did the cycle of testing at this Women's Hospital. I had a hysterosalpingogram, which showed all was fine with my tubes. They told me we had to use "protection" during that cycle .... i.e. Not try to conceive, especially around that test. I had a few blood draws locally, to check my blood type, my rubella immunity, progesterone level and estrodial level. This was done once. They had me use a ovulation predictor kit to see when I would get an LH surge, and come that morning for an ultrasound. I remember the tech wasn't quite sure what it was she was looking at. Then later we did my husband's semen analysis, which was extremely mortifying for both of us. We had to stay in a hotel to be able to have relations and get "the sample" to the lab in time.

Then they called me in to go over all the results. I was told everything was normal, including my husband's normal sperm count, which was only 4% normal. 96% bad morphology. But the tech kept saying "we have to call this normal" because that was their cut off point.

While we were in the midst of that cycle, in fact, on the day we did the hysterosalpingogram, we did an introductory session with a Creighton Model NFP teacher (the system promoted by Dr. Hilgers in Omaha). I had spotted a blurb in our diocesan newspaper that a new teacher was starting to teach in our area, and after the initial frustration with this Women's Hospital, I decided we should pursue it. By the time I had my final phone consultation with the Nurse Practitioner from the hospital, my chart had told me there was a chance I had some kind of a cervical inflammation. I remember mentioning this new method and this finding to the NP, asking her what her testing may have shown about that, and she responded as if I had asked her what I should buy my mom for her birthday. As if it just had absolutely nothing to do with her and was so far off topic that I was being ridiculous. Before she hung up, she made some comment about how if we ever wanted to try to get pregnant (unspoken: "for real") to call them back. I have never called there and hope never to have to set foot in there again.

By April of 2001 my Creighton teacher got me an appointment with a doctor affiliated with Dr. Hilgers somewhat locally, and I went to talk to him about my cycles and the testing I had already done. He pointed out that hysterosalpingograms actually often result in pregnancies and was very distressed to hear that this Women's Hospital suggested avoidance/abstinence during their testing. He said the tests they did were very, very scanty and not timed well. He said that while he'd seen pregnancies with lower sperm counts, my husband's sperm count was not that wonderful. He concluded that the Women's Hospital was essentially trying to sell me expensive procedures like IUI and IVF. He told me my next step could be to have extensive lab work done to check various hormones, and that this blood work would all be sent to Omaha to be evaluated there. I left that appointment for the first time feeling like someone understood infertility and that I didn't have to convince him I had a problem nor did I have to feel defensive.

I did the blood work in June and July of 2001. In August I got the results. I had low progesterone, low estrodial, slightly high prolactin and slightly low immulite testosterone. I immediately sent copies of my charts and my blood draw info to Dr. Hilgers for his analysis. At the beginning of September I got a letter back from him. He stated several things, including the likelihood of cervical inflammation, he pointed out my low progesterone, borderline low Beta endorphin levels and low pre-ovulatory estrogen. He said I had about a 75% of having endometriosis, and suggested I go out to Omaha for hysteroscopy and an ultrasound series.

Immediately after I got the letter I called to schedule surgery. I was able to get in in October as the wait was not long in those days. I drove out by myself (as this was just after September 11 and neither my husband nor I could handle the thought of me flying, and my husband couldn't take 10 days off from work). I had the surgery, and sure enough Dr. Hilgers found endo. What was more, it was on my rectum which he couldn't effectively laser during a laparoscopy. I was going to need a second, major surgery which would require a hospital stay of 3 days.

This is already a long story, so I'll leave out the part about how we were pursuing custody of my baby nephew at this time. But that was a factor in our decision to hurry along with the 2nd surgery during my very next cycle, in early December, 2001. Dr. Hilgers was satisfied with how the surgery went, I healed ok, and I started in on the medication regimen he suggested. I started out taking Vitamin B6, clomid, HCG shots, Naltrexone and mucus enhancers (Amoxicillan and Guifenisin). He told us our best chances for conceiving would be within 12-18 months. My husband also started taking L-Carnitine, Acyetal L-Carnitine and Transfer Factor Plus for his sperm count.

So, 2002 passed with us doing this routine. We did get custody of our nephew in April, so we became foster parents at least. Every cycle I checked in with the nurses. My hormone levels eventually got into good ranges, but no pregnancy.

2003 went by much the same way. I added in T3 somewhere during that time, but went off of it eventually. I tried mostly to just keep on keeping on. During that summer, I pushed my husband to go see a urologist. Actually, I didn't have to push that hard, because he went very willingly, but the hard part was me facing the frustration of not yet being pg and asking him to share part of the load of all this testing.

That urologist asked us to do another semen analysis, which we did at home this time. After reviewing the results, he called me and essentially said he couldn't see any way my husband would be able to father a child, his count was just so low. (However, the count was actually much higher than the last test we did.) He said "multiple collection IUI" was the only route he could see that might work. I was very distressed and called PPVI later that day. They had gotten the fax report as well, and Dr. Hilgers' comment was that he was very disappointed that a urologist would react that way, that the test wasn't wonderful, but it wasn't that bad either. He prescribed 5mg compounded clomid for him to take twice daily. We re-tested three months later, and the results, according to Hilgers, were "excellent."

Towards the end of 2003 when I called in for my cycle reviews, the nurses started talking about me going out for another laparoscopy, as this was Dr. Hilgers' protocol when no conception had happened yet. We arranged for this in December of 2003, the week before Christmas. We drove to Omaha, had the lap, had the follow up the next day, and drove back home. Dr. Hilgers had said during the pre-op appointment that he suspected mild endo regrowth which could be lasered, certainly nothing like what my first lap showed. Well, at the post-op appointment, we got the full brunt of the bad news. The endo had grown back worse than it was the first time. I also had adhesions everywhere, complicating my ovaries. I had endo in my ovaries. I have the pictures - - it was like endo scattered everywhere. Dr. Hilgers was very disappointed and frustrated. He said this type of thing almost never happens in his practice. He suggested I could do another major surgery where he would deal with all the endo, and then put gortex over my organs to prevent adhesions, and then I would have another lap 10 days later to remove the gortex. Otherwise, I could just continue the meds I was on and hope that something would work.

It took quite some time to process this emotionally. I felt like if Dr. Hilgers' protocol "failed", I had no hope. It was devastating. I didn't feel I could go through a major surgery with a toddler at home to look after. I had never felt like I could "give up" on conceiving, but I just didn't know where to turn.

I turned to the internet and researching alternatives for dealing with adhesions, which seemed to me to be the worst of it, since my ovaries were out of their normal place. I found a place that offered massage therapy that claimed over 70% success rate in achieving pregnancy. But they charged several thousand dollars and would not be covered by our insurance. We considered it for awhile, but my husband knew we just couldn't afford it. I was even more dejected.

At a social gathering that I really didn't want to attend, a friend told me about a chiropractor that had been able to help several women conceive. I thought maybe he could do something like the massage therapy, but without such a huge cost. It was two hours from our house, but I called, and found our insurance would even cover appointments. After hearing of my case, the doctor said he'd be willing to give it a try.

My first appointment was in January, 2004. Right away, he found that my left hip was way out of whack, and he explained that that could affect blood flow to my reproductive organs. He found other weaknesses which were all implicated in that region as well. He talked about ruling out food allergies with an IGG blood test, as endometriosis often involved food allergies or sensitivities. I had that done in February, and it showed I was sensitive to eggs and dairy and had borderline problems with wheat. I immediately altered my diet. February was the first month in my memory that I did not have any cramps with the onset of my period.

The chiropractor suggested we try 6 months worth of treatment, once a month, and at that point he imagined he would have done all he could. In April I was beginning to think that I should look into my other alternatives. A woman in my support group mentioned a book about Traditional Chinese Medicine for achieving pregnancy (The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis). After a list member announced her pregnancy after using TCM and acupuncture, I was sold. I decided there was no reason I couldn't double up and do both TCM and chiropractic at the same time. Turns out the chiropractor also had training in TCM and worked in conjunction with the TCM practitioner I chose and began seeing in May.

My TCM diagnosis was Kidney Yin deficiency and mild Liver Qi stagnation. Along with regular acupuncture treatments and some Chinese herbs, I followed the supplement and exercise advice in Lewis' book. The chiropractor suggested acupuncture points that he felt needed to be needled via his diagnostic approach. I also continued with Dr. Hilgers' protocol during this time.

In July 2004 I started getting anxious again, and had plans to next try naturopathic medicine. My acupuncturist had said we would try 3 months of treatment, and July would be my third. She also said that endometriosis was one of the more difficult conditions to treat.

On August 5, 2004 I woke up and took my temperature as I had gotten back into the habit of doing. My attitude around that time of my cycle was always "ok, go ahead, ruin my day first thing in the morning." It was cycle day peak + 16, and it was time for the temp to drop. But when I looked at the reading, it was 98.7. That was weird. I knew it meant I should do a pg test. I had to take our almost 3 year old to his music class that morning, so I raced out, bought a home pg test, took him to the class, and afterwards came home and did the test. It was positive. I couldn't believe it. My next step was to do the blood test that Dr. Hilgers recommended as verification, since I was still taking HCG shots. By that afternoon, I got the call from Omaha that the test was positive.

Baby Felicity was born on April 20, 2005, a beautiful and happy girl.

I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) at th age of 17. This is a condition where the ovaries have csts on them and women have very irregular periods, difficulty losing weight, as well as other symptoms, mostly because of hormonal irregularities. I had very irregular periods, sometimes only 1x in 4 months. My gyno put me on birth control to even out the cycles, and said that I may have a little difficulty getting pregnant when I was older. At 17, I didn't take it too seriously. I was still planning on having a huge family-- maybe 6 kids! Well, I am thirty now, and I don't have 6 kids. I don't even have 1 yet, though I am working on it.
My husband and I started trying to have kids in 2004. I went off the pill and waited to get a period. And waited... and waited. A year passed, and no period. I went to my gyno who induced a period with progesterone, hoping to jumpstart my system, and I did get a period, but not again on my own. She did a hysterosalpingogram too. She eventually, in 2005, gave me progesterone to start a period, then I began taking clomid and metformin. It worked and I became pregnant. Unfortunately, I miscarried at 9 weeks. It was a missed miscarriage-- I didn't even know the baby died inside me. I needed a D&E to remove it. I was devastated and fell in a depression. My husband was my anchor and helped pull me out of the trough i was wallowing in.
We went to see a fertility specialist in early 2006. He put me on a high dose of metformin (2000mg daily) and we waited to see if I got a period. No go. i began taking progesterone to induce periods. Eventually, we decided to do IUI. Most people who are fertile don't realize the procedures to do IUI or IVF. They think, "oh, they did that and now they are pregnant." They don't realize the daily grind of getting pregnant using these methods. A few days after I got my period (induced), I had to begin injections of follistim, which are given in the lower abdomen, around the navel. Then, daily vaginal ultrasounds and bloodtests are done for up to a week to check the progress of the follicles. My arms were black and blue from all the blood they took! The nurses would call me every afternoon to tell me if the dosage of the drugs needed to be changed. Then, other injections are administered if you are developing too fast, and then there is the trigger shot which releases the eggs from the follicles. The day after the trigger, my husband had to go to the clinic with me, produce a sperm sample, and several hours later, a catheter with his sperm was inserted into my uterus through the cervix. Fun, eh? Two weeks later, I got a pregnancy test. It was positive. I was thrilled, but again my joy was short lived. My HCG levels dropped, and the pregnancy failed to establish. A very early miscarriage, I was told. Strike two. I had a sonohysterogram to check to see if there were any abnormalities of the uterus. All was fine.
We tried IUI again a few months later, but had to abort the attempt mid-cycle because I had too many follicles and it would be too dangerous to trigger them.
So my doctor applied to my insurance company and we began procedures for IVF. The injections began again, this time with Lupron first, then follistim was added. Yes, sometimes 2 shots a night. And again, the ultrasounds and bloodwork. Finally I got the call saying My ovaries looked ripe for the egg retrieval. i had to arrive very early in the morning, wearing no perfumes or make-up b/c it can damage eggs extracted. I was put on an IV, and walked into the surgery room. I was put to sleep for the extraction. In it, the doctor uses a long needle to go in through the vagina to get to the ovaries and the eggs. They got 18 eggs from me. I was very sore afterwards. My husband had to learn how to give me a daily injection of progesterone in the upper buttock. Three days later was the egg transfer. They put 2 eggs back in. Another catheter, like in the IUI. My other eggs were not developing well and wouldn't survive being frozen, so they were discarded. I went home and prayed. Then I started blowing up like a balloon. My abdomen began to distend, and I gained 10 lbs overnight. I could barely walk. I called the doctor and he told me I had ovarian hyperstimlation. I had a lot of fluid I was retaining, and my ovaries measured about 11 or 12 cm across, each. The normal size is about 3 or 4 cm. So then I had to go on bedrest! The bright spot was that the IVF worked! I was pregnant. But, I was on bedrest for 3 weeks, with little change in the swelling, so the dr. had to bring me back into surgery to drain the fluid. Again, long needle through the vagina. Not fun, and I was awake for this one, though sedated slightly. Because I was pregnant, drugs couldn't be administered as liberally. But, the procedure worked, and I felt much better. My ovaries started to shrink, and I could walk and breathe better.
A few days later, I began bleeding and though it was over! I spotted for several days, went to see my doctor and had an ultrasound. I had a hematoma in my uterus. So I am back on bedrest. I have missed a lot of work, and am on medical leave for the foreseeable future. But I am still pregnant! I am in my 10th week, and I pray everyday that I don't miscarry again. I am looking forward to week 13, when I can stop the progesterone injections. It will be all worth it in November, when I hold my baby.
So, to end this long saga, if you have children easily and naturally, don't take it for granted. Be sensitive to those of us out there for whom it is a constant struggle, and don't ask women who have been married awhile when they are going to have kids. Thank you for reading my story.

I just wanted to thank Real Simple for profiling these women. My husband and I have struggled with miscarriages and are now ready to start IVF. Until I started down this road, I had no idea how many women suffer with infertility. Pls continue to share these stories, it really helps bring women together.

From 1997 to 2007 I have suffered through six miscarriages, yet to have a baby. My husband and I have done IUI and IVF with PGD in Dec. 2006. I heard from a friend of a friend that a lab in Chicago can test for immunologic responses to fertility. My highly-regarded fertility clinic here in Nashville never mentioned this lab to me. I had my bloodwork sent to Chicago and the results showed I have very high level of Natural Killer Cells. I am an immune-system dream, which is great for every other area of life except for infertility. My hearty NK cells attack fertilized eggs, embryos and even sperm, because they view these as intruders like cancer. We talked with a wonderful doctor in Chicago who is leading the research on these cells and miscarriage. Our two options are to have IVIG which is plasma from 20,000 donors or Intralipid, a more natural product. Both options entail transfusions lasting hours, which, according to research, should stabilize those NK cells. The Chicago doctor says we are accepted into a research protocol. At first I was all for it. I was ready to book those Southwest tickets asap! But, as a few months have passed, I am now "over it," in regards to what I've put my body through. My body is tired of all the shots, miscarrying, pressure. So I and my very understanding husband are pondering adoption or surrogacy. I am one of those girls who thought when I grew up I would have as many babies as I wanted. It has taken me many years,but I have finally cleared the top of the mountain and have reached a season of peace about the infertility. Somehow, some way, we will become parents.

for all of you fertiles

Well I have thought long and hard about wether or not to write this and well you can see what I decided. I am sitting here sipping my rasberry leaf tea to increase the lining of my uterus and thinking how clueless the fertile world is. After suffering for many months on infertility drugs I thought I might invite the fertiles as we IF's like to call you into my world.

I was diagnosed with fertility problems at the age of 25 but it was not a suprise to me. I was assured I would just need a "little help" & "in this day and age everyone get pregnant". AHHH no! Well after several failed months of clomid and metformin my husband and I visited our trusty Reproductive Endocronologist or RE as we say for a consult. After MANY mood swings and no sign of ANY follies we are now moving onto injectable hormones.

So where do these hormones come from you ask - well don't b/c it is gross it comes from the pee of menopausal women - serious! Of course it is washed before I inject it. So I am looking foward to 8-10 mornings of mixing some weird pee substance and then injecting it into my belly! Which I have heard stings ALOT! Then I will have a 3rd job (liked I needed to work more )of visitng my RE for ultra sounds - the yucky kind not the belly kind and blood work every other day until the follies are ripe. I will then get another shot in my poor belly called a trigger shot. Then 24 -36 hrs I will be inseminated. Yeah no champange and choclate here!!!

So if you are not worried yet what are the side effects you ask. Well aside from mood swings and stomach problems and fatigue ... my belly may swell b/c now I will produce TONS of follies. YEAH! Plus I am not allowed to practice serious yoga b/c my ovary could twist and die - serious. So now on to the death part. Apparently these drugs are serious and casue blood clots and dehydration so that is why I will be monitored so closely. If not cared for properly you risk death. Should of seen my husbands face for that one.

So this brings me to your part if you know anyone with IF problems which you probably do b/c it is one out of ten couples.

1. Don't tell them relax it will happen for some of us that is NEVER true!!!!

2. Don't call them test tube babies unless the woman jokes first!

3. Don't tell stupid stories like my friend adopted and then got pregnant!!!! Like that is why one should adopt!

4. Don't say why don't you just adopt ESPECIALLY if you have bio kids yourself. It is VERY costly like $40,000 and may not be what someone wants.

5. Do listen ask if it is ok to ask about a cycle and DON'T be afraid to show your love and support!!!

... b/c if I get a BFN (big fat negative) this cycle it is back to the gruesome drawing baord!!!

So hope that was a somewhat helpful glimpse into the world of infertility

namaste ~ b

Thank you for your Infertility Tales article. I have been through two back to back miscarriages recently. At times, I feel like I am the only person in the world who has gone through this. Its especially hard when everywhere you look, is a bulging belly.
In my case, I got pregnant right before my wedding. Knowing about miscarriage, I told my fiance I would rather tell everyone at the wedding, and make it a suprise. I ended up losing the pregnancy three weeks prior to the wedding, and never told anyone. I was crushed. I wished I had told someone, my mom especially. I didn't want to tell her after the fact, becuase I didn't want to upset her either. Luckily, I had my wedding to focus on, which pulled me through.
My second pregnancy was discovered about 3 weeks after my wedding. It wasnt ideal, by any means. The nurse told me that we 'should have waited' at least three cycles before getting pregnant again. When I told her it wasn't my intention to get pregnant at all, she told me I should have used birth control. (Which I was using.) She then warned me that my risk for another loss was greatly higher because I wasn't healed from the first. I was obviously, immediatly on gaurd, and very hurt that I was being talked to in this way. She then consulted her calendar to try and figure out a date of conception- our wedding night.
The pregnancy seemed to start off on a better note. I had some actual 'pregnancy symptoms' this time. But, started having light spotting a couple days into knowing I was pregnant. The OBGYN had me come in for an ultrasound, which revealed a nice gestational sac, but no obvious embryo inside. I was about 6.5 weeks at the time. (In my previous pregnancy, I had an embyro and heartbeat at about 6weeks.) He told me I was either earlier than we suspected or possibly not doing well. He gave me the option to wait one or two weeks for a repeat ultrasound. He told me he would wait two, so I waited two. It was the longest two weeks... A few days before the two week mark, I began spotting more and it got worse each day. I phoned his office, only to get that same nurse. She basically told me that if I was going to miscarry, I should just let it happen. I hung up on her, I knew that already.
The day of the appointment, I was bleeding at a steady rate. Luckily, the nurse I had been dealing ith previously was there for me that day. I already knew it was bad news. The ultrasound revealed the same empty sac. I had been bleeding for days already, and hadnt passed anything obviously. The OBGYN gave me options to wait for it to empty on its own, D&C, or medications to speed up the precess. I ended up not wanting to wait it out, and had the medication.
I was crushed. I began to question everything. Was this some sign that I shouldnt have gotten married? Would I ever be able to have a child for my new husband?
If there is one thing in life I truely desire, its to be a mother. I didn't understand why this was happening. I knew there was nothing I could do to save either pregnancy. I also knew that pregnancy would never be the same for me. I found myself digging a deep hole of depression, but I made a point to stop it before I got in. Its been hard, but I have found a way to look towards the future and still hold out some hope.
Its been several months now. The due date of the first pregnancy passed recently, which was a hard day for me. I could have had a baby. The one thing that would make me complete.
I have come to terms that maybe it won't happen for us. Maybe not the way we want. I have always been open to adoption, and perhaps thats the way it will come to us. Someday, I have to keep telling myself, we will have what we want.

My husband and I started ttc in November 2001. After a year, my OBGYN wasn't concerned because I was only 31years old. After a few rounds of clomid, she referred me to a colleague, an RE. By spring of 2004, we were still not pregnant despite 10 rounds of clomid and several IUIs. My husband's boss referred us to another RE in March of 2004. I didn't respond well to the medications and produced only a few follicles despite heavy doses of drugs. However, we went ahead with IVF in that September and our amazing daughter was born in June 2005.
After my daughter's 1st birthday, we contacted our RE to try for a second child. After my day 3 bloodwork was taken, the doctors contacted me and told me my FSH was too high (24) and I would conceive only with donor eggs. We were devastated. I had just turned 36 and was told my eggs were no longer viable. This diagnosis seemed ridiculous to me so I began researching other options.
I read Julia Indichova's Inconceivable, started acupuncture and taking chinese herbs, and changed my diet. It's been 6 months and though I'm not pregnant yet, I feel like I'm taking control of my fertility.
Perhaps, traditional chinese medicine can provide our second little miracle. Keep the faith.

My husband and I were 20 and 22 when we started ttc in September 2004. I had always feared that ttc would be hard (my mother was infertile and took 11 years to have me, and I'm the only). After a year we went to my OBGYN to ask if perhaps there was anything he could do (before going to an RE) and he said it would happen and put me on clomid. After a couple months of that, I'd had enough and we asked to be referred to an RE. Our OBGYN refused because I was young, and so I researched them and called one myself and got our records transferred. I thought, you know, we're YOUNG, so it SHOULD have happened already. We were anxious for a family, too, and tired of having our lives put on hold.

We started seeing an RE. He said clomid wasn't needed, I was ovulating on my own (something I knew from charting). We did all the regular tests and everything came back fine. We started with unmedicated IUI's and moved to injectible meds and IUI's. On the second try (a little over a year ago) I got pregnant, only to lose the baby around 6 weeks.

We moved on to IVF and the embryos and fertilization were perfect. I always stimmed well. Blood tests all came back beautifully, but we still were not pregnant. We did a frozen cycle and we were not pregnant. Four more medicated IUI's and no luck.

By this time we'd moved on. We'd started looking at adoption after the first failed frozen transfer and had been working steadily on it. In January we went for a consult with our RE, mostly to ask what he thought the next step was and sort of take an extended break. In the waiting room we noticd the shared risk program, a program we thought we couldn't get into anymore because of the failed IVF and FET. We asked about it anyway, figuring it would be a sort of "hail mary" play and then we could have done all we could do. After all, there was nothing wrong with us at all.

Since there was nothing wrong with us, we got in easily even with a failed set of IVF. We cycled in March and put back three (perfect as always) embryos. And to my great surprise, we were again pregnant.

The day after our beta we had a birthparent interview scheduled. They matched with us that night. The next day the second beta came back perfectly, so we told them that we were pregnant, and again, to our surprise, they didn't care and still wanted us to parent their daughter.

My third beta came back perfect as well and my u/s to check for a heartbeat is May 2. The baby girl we hope to adopt is due in June. Hopefully this year is our year. So very far to go, but after all this time, it's just insane that it all happened in a week's time!

My husband and I have male infertility. He was born w/a birth defect so we knew it was a possibility when we got married. Sure enough, it turns out that he is sterile. We opted against donor insemination, and began researching adoption. I grieved for a long time. It took me a while to come to terms w/not being being pregnant. Especially as I watched my friends have children. I found myself so envious and jealous. Only now (4 years later) am I able to feel honest to goodness joy for others. Luckily for me I have awesome friends that understood.

We chose domestic adoption. We are paying for everything through a home equity loan and generous parents. As we wait (we're in month 8) I cope by keeping myself occupied. I am learning how to play golf, I'm making an herb garden, I exercise regularly, and I belong to a book club. Do I feel depressed sometimes, YES. This is a time when my emotions are all over the place. I have never had such mood swings. But more than anything else the waiting and lack of control over anything is mind boggling!

I was married for 3 years when we decided to adopt. My husband has two adopted sisters and I have an adopted cousin so it wasn't a hard decision for us. We adopted our little girl from birth. The facilitator we went through was www.lifetimeadoption.com We had a baby 10 months after we filled out the application. We were going to adopt again two years later but had a surprise pregnancy which resulted in another girl - praise God! Domestic adoption was the best way for us. It was cheaper and the birthmother has been so wonderful with us. It's a beautiful thing she did and I want my daughter to appreciate that.

My husband and I have been trying for over two years now. Early on, we were diagnosed with Male Factor Infertility. It's something that people just don't talk about. I hear a lot about PCOS and Female Factor Infertility, but the male side goes along with societal rules that manhood is somehow tied to sperm count. Therefore, if you have a low sperm count, you're not a "real man". So not true for my husband!!

In our two years, we've been through a varicocelectomy for my husband, a half-completed IUI, and an IVF cycle with ICSI. We are currently trying donor insemination. Again, on this subject, there isn't a lot out there in terms of support or understanding. Donor insemination is "hush hush". You hear and read a lot about donor eggs, but not about donor sperm. Even on the Internet, you can find a lot of support groups for couples using donor eggs, but not those using donor sperm.

We've just started this latest leg of our journey ... we tried last month, with no luck, but we will try up to 6 or 7 cycles. If that doesn't succeed, we will look at adoption.

Money has been difficult. Our costs are ALl out of pocket. I think that so far we have spent about $18,000.

Our relationship through this, thank goodness, has been strong. We talk a lot, have a plan and support each other through the hard times.

My husband and I recently shared the joy of our first pregnancy, soon followed by the sorrow of our first miscarriage. Never before have we been tested in such a tragic and hearbreaking way. We have been both amazed and taken aback at the reacations of others, including their flippant remarks about "trying again" or something being "wrong" with us or our baby. Our hope is to not only someday have a family, but to advocate for ourselves and for others who have shared such losses.

We were married only 4 months and were pleasantly surprised by our first pregnancy. We had a beautiful baby boy who is now almost 4 years old! Then about 18 months ago we decided to try again and we got pregnant right away- then at our routine 20 week appointment we found out (to our shock) that the baby had passed away. . .later pathology showed that baby had down syndrome. This was such a shock to myself and my husband, I went through a deep depression, lost 20+ pounds and eventually went and got therapy. It wasn't until about 9 months after the loss that I felt ready to try to conceive again . . .well nothing happened for 3 months and we were very frustrated so I began doing acupuncture and taking Chinese herbs- that definitely helped me to gain some weight and to get my body strong again, however we still haven't been able to conceive yet.
Through all of this I have been on a major spiritual journey, and have realized to truly appreciate the family I have and to look for all of the blessings in life. Fertility was something I took for granted, I never imagined that infertililty would be an issue for me.

So now it has been almost a year of trying and Doctors say nothing is wrong, so now we are thinking adoption, I don't think I could handle the disappointment of failed IVF attempts, etc.

I agree with the other reader, every child is indeed a true miracle and blessing from up above.

In October 2003, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. I had no trouble conceiving her and after the morning sickness, really enjoyed being pregnant.

My husband and I decided to try for another child in June 2006. We became pregnant immediately and, sadly, lost the baby by week 6. My doctor said that 20% of pregnancies end that way and to try again whenever we wanted.

We had two "chemical" pregnancies after that. (Chemical pregnancies are miscarriages that occur before week 5.)

I begged my doc to put me on Clomid and progesterone to improve the chances of carrying a baby. We tried again in December and again became immediately pregnant. At our 8th week checkup, we saw a beautiful baby with a heartbeat. We were so relieved. Naturally we were shocked at our 9th week checkup when the baby's heart had stopped.

By this time I was in shock. And I was mad, mad, mad, mostly at our doctor for not referring us to a specialist earlier. Four losses is a lot.

We are currently seeing a specialist, but for the time being, we are taking a break from trying to have a baby. My body has taken a toll and needs to feel strong again.

I have learned many lessons from these trials:

1. Listen to my body. If I believe I am getting pregnant every month I try but my doc won't verify it, I should get a new doc or impress upon him/her how I feel.

2. Name the baby. I named this last one Simon Michael. It prevents people from calling him a "tissue".

3. Share. I started blogging and found that others find comfort in my situation as well as I learn to heal and move on.

4. Marvel. I learned to appreciate many women who I would not have naturally gotten to know as friends. They told me their story to encourage me. I'm amazed at the courage of women who keep trying as well as those who accept that they may not be able to have more.

5. Gently correct. I try to help women who plan out their families (two boys, two girls, please) before they are even born and to let them know that each child is a gift from God, no matter the gender, condition or quantity.