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We had a conference call with our officiant this weekend. I was in the office, catching up on some work, and completely forgot we'd scheduled a call. Fiance was at home, so we decided to have a conference call with the Reverend. "Are you there? Reverend? Hello? No? Ugh.") Our Rev was much more skillful with the telephonics; she conferenced us in on her end. "So. Where are we?" She asked, existentially. In fact she meant, with a little over a month to go: Which rituals have we decided to include in our ceremony, what readings do we want, who will be our readers and have we written our vows... oh, and did we get our marriage license yet? Answers: Sort of, not sure, yes and no. And no. We were close to a decision on the rituals she'd suggested: we'd decided on sharing a glass of wine and possibly having a few key guests drop flower petals in a ceremonial bowl of water as a blessing. We weren't sure about the unity candle, didn't think handfasting was for us (although in scanning the web, it seems to be really popular) and would maybe jump the broom (my husband-to-be is African American and we like the tradition). But we still weren't sure. By the way, here's a great resource of a variety of wedding rituals and here's Real Simple's list of other wedding customs from around the world) We know our readers but had yet to figure out our readings. Our officiant had given us a few suggestions, from biblical passages to Shakespeare to Rumi. There's a great repository of readings here on IndieBride.com. We scoured the list and found many we really liked but it's hard to find exactly the right one. This one from Maya Angelou is lovely. But we also love this more silly passage from a little orange-covered children's book from 1965 called, "I Like You" by Sandol Stoddard Warburg. It kind of says it all. Because sometimes the fact that you and your husband really like each other is just as important than the fact that you love each other. A few excerpts: <>
When I think something is important In terms of funny readings, I also like Ogden Nash -- my grandfather was a big Nash fan and it would be nice to honor him with one of Nash's silly poems like this one, "A Word To Husbands": "To keep your marriage brimming Ok, maybe not. :-) Another idea I got from a girlfriend: if you can't decide among all the wonderful readings, is to do smaller quotes at each table at your reception. But I'd love to know.... NearlyWed Asks: What readings or rituals are you using at your ceremony? --Margit Detweiler
Posted by: Adrienne| May 29, 2008 at 05:15 PM Since I'm Jewish we are doing the Seven Wedding Blessings, and having our bridal party read them in English after the Rabbi reads them in Hebrew. We'll do the circling, but the modern way where we'll circle each other 3 times and then at the same time once (traditionally the woman circles the man 7 times to signify making him a good home, our rabbi likes to do it together to signify that we are both responsible for making a home). We'll also do the breaking of the glass. funny, I JUST shot a wedding a few days ago where they read "I Like You" to each other in their vows! I hadn't thought of that book since I was very young, it was a fun and lovely treat. i am a very traditional bride, so we will be reading the traditional vows instead of writing our own. as far as readings, we haven't decided on all of them yet, but i really want to read the bible passage from my parents wedding, an excerpt from the end of ecclesiates 4, which talks about how 2 are better than 1, and how with god as your third, your relationship is as strong as it can be. Definitely jump the broom Margit!!!! I love the idea of quotes at the tables. You're a writer, it is fitting! Or what about quotes inside the place cards? I can't wait to see some pics! As you remember from our wedding.....he stepped on the glass at the end....song in the front song at the end....and our officiant quoted from a Native American poem and Bob Dylan's song Forever Young. 11 minutes and perfect! I wish we jumped the broom though! We wanted something that truly reflected our personalities and represented us (the unofficial theme of our wedding), so we are having a friend read the following before we take our vows: From Robert Fulgham's "Union" "You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks, all those sentences that began with “When we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will.” Those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things we’ve promised and hoped and dreamed—well, I meant it all, every word.” Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another: acquaintance, friend, companion, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world: this—is my husband, this—is my wife." The best book for finding readings and vows is "Into the Garden: A Wedding Anthology" by Robert Hass and Stephen Mitchell. It was recommended to us by our fabulous NYC officiant. My mother and father used Kahlil Gibran's "On Marriage" from the book The Prophet as a reading at their wedding. It's beautiful--you should check it out. Good luck! How funny! The afternoon we got engaged my fiance and I stumbled upon this book at a little shop in Boston. Neither of us had ever seen it before but we loved it and he bought it as a present for me : ) |
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Since I'm Jewish we are doing the Seven Wedding Blessings, and having our bridal party read them in English after the Rabbi reads them in Hebrew. We'll do the circling, but the modern way where we'll circle each other 3 times and then at the same time once (traditionally the woman circles the man 7 times to signify making him a good home, our rabbi likes to do it together to signify that we are both responsible for making a home). We'll also do the breaking of the glass.
We are giving the rabbi free reign to say some remarks including saying something about my father who died 2 years ago.
We asked him if we should do any other readings and he left it totally up to us- but like you experienced it was too overwhelming to choose, so we just stayed traditional.