I love a great parenting book, and my all-time favorite remains How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I think this is the best parenting book out there.

One of that book’s most important lessons is simple, and just as applicable to adults as to children: acknowledge the reality of other people’s feelings. Don’t deny feelings like anger, irritation, fear, or reluctance; instead, articulate the other person’s point of view. Sounds easy, right? Wrong.

Here are some examples of what I’ve said to my kids: “Don’t be silly, you always have fun when we go.” “Just keep trying, it’s not hard to do.” “You can’t be hungry, you just ate.” “You can’t possibly want another Polly Pocket set.”

Here are some examples of what I’ve said to my husband: “Don’t be silly, you always have fun when we go.” “You should be thrilled, this is great news.” “It won’t be that much work.” “You can’t be hot, the car is freezing.”

But telling people how they should feel isn’t effective. To the contrary, Faber and Mazlish argue, denying bad feelings intensifies them, while acknowledging them allows them to dissipate. And this strategy really works – when I can remember to do it.

The other night, my nine-year-old popped up out of bed fifteen minutes after she should have been asleep. She came into our room and started half-crying, complaining that she’d had a bad dream and now she was scared. This kind of appearance often leads to protracted fussing about not being able to sleep, not being tired, etc., etc. These conversations make all of us frustrated and cranky.

But instead of saying, “Don’t worry about it, go back to bed and go to sleep,” or “You couldn’t have had a bad dream already, you just went to bed,” or something along those lines, I said, “Come here. You had a bad dream and now you can’t sleep. Why don’t snuggle next to us and watch the Olympics for ten minutes, that will take your mind off your dream, and you’ll be able to go back to sleep.” And she did! It was that simple.

What's nice is that, not only is this approach effective, it's also a much nicer way to behave. Instead of spiraling down in pointless arguments about "No, I don't," "Yes, you do," I much prefer to behave in an understanding, sympathetic way.

Does this approach ring true to you?

The days are long, but the years are short.