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I love learning new words. I know that this may sound extremely dorky, but learning that there are words to express specific concepts makes me feel connected to other people. It's like a proclamation that someone else has had the same thought and desire to say exactly what I want to say. It's also fantastically humbling because it reminds me that the majority of my thoughts are anything but unique.

Recently, I learned the word "eisegesis." Eisegesis is the process of reading something into a text that isn't in the text. For example: If I wrote in a post "I had a glass of wine with dinner," and in your mind you thought "Erin in an alcoholic," then that would be eisegesis.

As a writer, I come into contact with eisegesis all the time. People will read my articles and then write me e-mails referencing things that don't appear in the text. I'll mention a product that can help handicapped people, and then I'll receive an e-mail asking me why I hate handicapped people. Or, I'll write about a baby crib, and then I'll receive an e-mail asking me why I hate people who co-sleep with their infants. The interpretations people make aren't always negative, but they are always baffling because they are so far off base. So much time and energy is wasted over misconceptions and misinterpretations.

As humans, we make hundreds of assumptions about people and situations as we go throughout our day. Some of these assumptions are good and keep us safe (read Gavin De Becker's The Gift of Fear for examples of these good types), but the majority of assumptions we make are incorrect and clutter up our life.

If you see a group of mothers from your child's class together at a local coffee shop, maybe your assumption is that they don't like you and are excluding you. When, in reality, they're all on the same PTA committee and just decided to have their meeting at the coffee shop. You weren't invited because you aren't on the committee. The incorrect assumption you made could create hours of frustration and hurt for you, or even affect your relationship with these other mothers and their children for years to come. Energy and time is wasted over a problem that doesn't exist.

The more assumptions you make about other people and their circumstances, the more time, energy, and emotion you squander. Here are some alternatives so that you can gain time and energy back into your day:

Give others the benefit of the doubt. Did some guy cut you off in traffic? Instead of thinking that he's a jerk, let it go. He could be rushing a pregnant woman to the hospital or really need to use the restroom. This strategy is particularly useful for when you come into contact with people who aren't a regular part of your routine. Admit that you know nothing of their situation, and spend your time and energy on something else.
Ask questions. In almost every situation, you can instantly find relief by simply asking a question so that you stop making assumptions and discover the reality. Did someone miss a dinner reservation? Pick up the phone and call him or her and ask why. Stop worrying and find out the answer.
Be the better person. Take a second to breathe, imagine how an incredibly kind and savvy person would behave, and act accordingly.

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