My 8th Commandment is to Identify the problem. That is, when you’re annoyed, angered, or frustrated, ask yourself, “What exactly is the problem here?” This rule seems so obvious that it’s hard to explain why it’s so tremendously helpful, but it has been the one of my most major happiness-project breakthroughs.

You might think, “This doesn’t make any sense. If I have a problem, how it is possible that I haven’t identified it?” But I’ve realized that I’ve put up with a problem or an irritation for years, because I haven’t actually examined the actual nature of the problem, and therefore, haven’t seen how it might be solved.

My mother applied this commandment brilliantly a few years ago. She said, “Christmas isn’t as much fun as it should be, because we’re all too stressed out about buying gifts. Everyone worries about it, and shopping takes up too much of our time together. For the adults, why don’t we each draw a name out of a hat? Each of us can just buy some stocking presents – small gifts – for that one person whose name we drew.”

We were all thrilled by her idea, and it has been a perfect solution. It cut shopping and anxiety down by a huge amount, and we spend less money, because the gifts are supposed to be small and fun, not expensive. We’ve done this for several years. Last night, when we were talking about gift ideas, my mother said, “What do you think? Should the adults give up exchanging gifts altogether? Would that be easier?” But we decided – no. If it’s not too overwhelming a job, it’s fun to do a little shopping and plan surprises for people. The tradition keeps us in touch with each other’s likes and dislikes. It wouldn’t seem as Christmas-y if we all just sat there while the two girls opened their gifts. We realized that the drawing-for-stocking-presents tradition was, indeed, the right solution and the right balance.

So if something is dulling the happiness of your holiday, take time to identify the problem. Are you spending too much time cooking? Are you worried about all the money you’re spending? Are you traveling too much? The first step to finding a solution is identifying the actual problem.

The days are long, but the years are short.

Gretchen Rubin reports on her daily adventures on her way to becoming happier on her popular blog, The Happiness Project. She is also a regular contributor to Real Simple's Simply Stated: Life & Soul blog.