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Occasionally I'll write something in my editor's note for the Real Simple monthly issue that makes readers mad. Sometimes they think I'm frivolous and sometimes they think I'm a horrible person and sometimes it's somewhere in between. Well, I've done it again, and this time it's more on the horrible person end of the spectrum. In the June issue I wrote about ordering a Dumpster and throwing out lots of the dusty rubble that seemed to make up most of my basement, particularly after our renovation last year. It was a liberating act, and I said so in my letter. A number of readers who are either mildly disappointed or genuinely angry have taken me to task for not trying to donate the things I threw away. Now, when I read the letters, do I feel a twinge of guilt? Definitely. Were there things I threw out that, with more effort, organization and thought, I could have either repurposed or somehow given away? I suppose — hence the guilt. (Although the thought of trying to give away mice-infested snow boots just seems tacky, unhealthy and maybe insane.) I honestly did not regard cleaning out my basement as an environmental act, as perhaps I should have; I just wanted to get all of the crap out of my basement. I have also frequently donated to my local Salvation Army and have seen the mountains of stuff in the lobby and warehouse; the stuff I was throwing away did not pass donation muster, at least not in my book. The most distressing part of the reaction (and we're talking a handful of letters here, not hundreds) is that some readers are assuming that both I and Real Simple do not promote environmentally friendly living, which is not true, even if it may have looked that way in this editor's letter. To those readers I apologize, and urge they not judge the magazine by what they read in one letter from me. (But honestly, I do wish I'd taken photos.) Now the condemnation of my Dumpster moment has taken on a mini life in a couple of blogs, as you can see: I Suwannee and Decorno. One commenter even called me a "socialite!" When I started this blog, the staff of RealSimple.com warned me that the blogosphere is a mean, name-calling place, and not for sissies. I have to tell you that my experience in writing Adventures in Chaos has been refreshingly vitriol-free. While I do get a little laugh in being called a socialite, let's just say I'm glad it doesn't happen every day.
Posted by: kristin van ogtrop| June 04, 2008 at 01:51 PM When I read your editor's note in that issue, I was reminded of my in-laws who needed to fill a dumpster after their basement had flooded. I was almost waiting for you to say the same thing had happened to you (so hopefully you'll feel glad that wasn't the case). Obviously even if things in their basement could have been donated or recycled, reused, etc. nothing could have been saved after the flooding, unfortunately. What my husband and I took away from his parents' experience was that it is not worth saving things you don't need and will never use again. Then reading your letter, to me, was more about removing unnecessary clutter - alway a valuable lesson. When we moved recently we were able to sell many things at a garage sale, donate as much as possible, and unfortunately throw out things that simply could not be used by others or us. Thank you for the note, again, about how reducing your unnecessary "stuff" is actually quite liberating! Keep writing and we'll keep reading. Kristin, I really think that reduce, reuse, recycle is an important mantra. It's not your dumpster of junk that hurts, it's the stuff that we do everyday. The plastic shopping bags, water bottles, etc. that never get recycled are what is really hurting the enviroment. I read your comments and never thought twice about your basement cleaning dumpster. I like to think of myself as a greenie in training (I'm lime green now, but shooting for the kelly green range :) ) I use cloth shopping bags, refillable mugs for my coffee binges, and I recycle everything I can. All we can do is try our best. And let ye without green sins cast the first stone....... I understand just what you went through when you were purging your crap! I used to be like you. Now, I put everything in a green garbage bag and let them make the decision about what they want to keep. I then let my husband deliver the bags. Why is it that women always feel so guilty about everything? I just went over to i suwannee's "blog" and told her to get a life. I'm sure that had any of the stuff you threw into the dumpster been usable or in donatable condition, you would have done so. After clearing out my daughter's room and the closet in there, our tally was 6 big bags/boxes of old toys and household items donated to the thrift store and 6 bags of trash. Next up is our bedroom and closet and believe me, a lot of clothes are going to be donated. My personal donation test is, Could anyone wear this in its present condition? If a piece of clothing has an un-removable stain, is ripped, or is missing buttons or has a broken zipper, or if footwear is all torn up inside (or mice infested, ha ha!) the answer is NO and it will be trashed. Are you seriously going to take criticism from someone who can't punctuate? ;-) Well, I don't think mean-spiritedness is right, online or in real life, but I think the point is that this *could* be construed as saying that getting a dumpster is the answer to simplifying a chaotic life. What was thrown wasn't exactly clarified. Things that are in the editor's letter set the tone for a publication, and I think THAT is what some people were responding to. It was less a judgement of YOU and more a judgement of what you wrote. (At least that's how I felt--how could an editor in this "green-trendy" day and age do that?) Frankly, though, reading this made me more upset because it's so utterly defensive and most of the comments are so Pollyannaish. I love all your "Adventures in Chaos" and pass them along to my friends and family. I save them until I really need an uplifting moment at work. I suspect the folks writing have likely not cleaned-out their basement, attic or closet in years. Tell them to pull up their socks and get on with it. I am so glad you blog, Kristin. It's wonderfully refreshing to read someone so real, and honest and interesting. You post what we all think in our heads as women, but are afraid make us monsters. To know that a magazine editor who is a mom and a wife thinks the same thing (and I think it's really evident by reading the comments that a lot of readers identify with you) is liberating and reassuring. Thank you, thank you. Don't feel bad. People will have internet (or letter!) flame-wars over anything. Remember that people need to be angry sometimes. It's not so much pointed at you as it is NOT pointed at themselves or whatever hurt them. For every overreaction there's an under reaction hidden somewhere. Don't feel bad. People will have internet (or letter!) flame-wars over anything. Remember that people need to be angry sometimes. It's not so much pointed at you as it is NOT pointed at themselves or whatever hurt them. For every overreaction there's an under reaction hidden somewhere. Oh good grief! I've always wondered about the lives of people who go on rampages like that. Seriously, do they not have anything else more important to worry about?? There are times when it's either do it imperfectly or not do it. You do what you have to do. I say forget them, and enjoy your cleaned out basement. Hello Kristin: I think you're GREAT like Tony the Tiger says. I read this post a few days ago, and several times have had tried to comment, but in the end, a quote I ran across on Ariane Benefit's organization blog says it better than anything I could ever write. ""...for those who suffer from the feeling of being completely overwhelmed and not knowing where to start, even a simple decision becomes crippling and the clutter piles up, contributing even more to the feeling of overwhelm and shame." Sometimes good enough is good enough -- you have to save yourself before you save the world. In my eyes, you probably helped more people just by being honest and showing yourself to be human, than you would have had you used your letter as a "platform". You just earned yourself another subscriber. Thanks, and enjoy your clean basement. Re: discontinuing newspaper subscriptions--please re Editor: I was dismayed to read that you recommend stopping newspaper subscriptions as a way to economize. While I understand that this step may be necessary, I hope readers will consider the effects on their communities. Our local newspapers keep us informed on local issues. Newspapers in Seattle and San Francisco are close to closing forever. There will be a huge gap in these cities if their newspapers close. Maybe some day there will be a way to pay for my local paper online, but right now I support mine by subscribing. Wynne Hayakawa Aldra Robinson's "A Witness to Grace" is probably the best story I've ever read, anywhere, and I'm a big time reader of newspapers, magazines, and literature. Most of us feel that we stumble through life's catastrophes, railing at the unfairness of it, grieving at the loss, endlessly wondering "why me?" As I watched my 50 year old husband make his 7-year long,painful journey through early-onset Alzheimer's, I hoped for the kind of grace the family in her story showed. She reminded me that each of us do indeed have a story that would break someone's heart. The grace comes from learning how live a full and meaningful life that moves beyond heart break; teaching us how kind we can be to ourselves and others we let into our lives. |
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Thanks, everybody--I appreciate the comments both encouraging and critical. Yes, I try to do the right thing when I can, as most of us do. Yes, I've got too much stuff (as most of us do). It's a good reality check sometimes to be reprimanded by readers and bloggers, even if, well, certain standards just aren't attainable but this one semi-crazed working mother of three. Anyway, thanks for reading, one and all.