*sigh* I could have written this article myself! I struggle with the same thing with my husband. I have finally decided that it's better to pick up the shoes/keys/empty mail envelopes than to not have anyone in my life to pick up after. It's kind of lame, but it helps me keep a better perspective on it because I know he's just not "that guy" and it's never going to change! :)

I am a picker-upper. I figure either way it's annoying, but if I don't pick it up, it's annoying *and* messy. I have to say in my husband's defense, since we redid our kitchen and I got my long coveted farm sink, he is so taken with its white gloriousness that he cannot have a single fork marring its beauty, I dare say he's done the dishes every night since it was installed.

I'm not a neat-freak, but I don't like a mess. Of course I married a slob. He won't take his dishes to the kitchen. I guess I should be so grateful that he even takes it to the kitchen. But why can't he put his glass in the sink instead of just putting it in the dishwasher?
We've had 4 kids in 6 years. If he at least helped me with our kids (sterlize bottles, changing diapers, anything) I probably wouldn't get so upset. He won't put his socks away or his drinking glasses.
He knows how hard I work to TRY to keep up with the housework and yet he doesn't do anything to do help me. I can't help but feel like, "If he loved me at all he wouldn't do this to me."
Sometimes he'll tell me that he knows that i do more than he does and that he feels guilty for not doing more. I tell him that he doesn't feel TOO BADLY or else he'd change his ways.

My thought is that there just isn't a place for his stuff to live where they want to live. You may have decided that there is a place in your home for his magazines and shoes, but that place might not be the best place. For example, my husband's wallet usually lives in a valet on his dresser -- that's where he takes it out of his pockets and where he has a system to process its contents. My purse lives in a cut-out space in a windowsill near our front door. In both situations, the location is organized and designated for those specific items -- but we each made the decision as to where these locations were. If I had to trek my purse upstairs to put it away, it would forever be cluttering up another space. Maybe your husband needs a magazine stand near where he reads his magazines? Maybe he would benefit from a cubbie for his shoes in the living room? My suggestion is to look at the problem from a new perspective. It's not that he's being lazy or inconsiderate, it's that the underlying system isn't meeting either of your needs. Just my two cents.

Usually I get annoyed at seeing stuff laying around the house. Both the kid's and the husband's. Most of the time I end up picking it up after passing by it so many times that I calculate the time that it would actually take for me to pick it up, put it away and not think about it anymore would be less than passing by it once again and letting it stew in my head and annoy me further. I'm all for uncluttering the mind, and really, it doesn't seem to bother anyone else but me. I often wonder what would happen if I found a way to ignore the clutter altogether?

My husband will go away on business and I will tidy the house up while he is away...and then he returns and it looks like a bomb went off. He likes a clean house and will help clean the kitchen and vacuum, but he's pretty pathetic about picking up after himself. I clean the house (without complaining) because I can't stand it. Does that make me an enabler?

Though my husband is a neat freak about a clean house, he is still a man - which means he leaves his clothes all over the floor in our bedroom, clothes on the floor in the bathroom, and his shoes are everywhere in every room of the house (how does that happen?). I leave it for a while and then I pile everything up and put it on his side of the bed (hint, hint my love). This is also the trick I use to get him to put away his clean laundry. I do the laundry and fold - but I do not put it away - my husband and kids are responsible for that. With regard to my children, my son is okay for an 8 year old. Now, my 5 year old daughter - she is great! So ... is it a boy vs. girl thing????

We fall into the 'clean it if it shows' school. Doesn't help that I married a slob and that my name is not Martha Stewart. My coffee table is PILED with magazines and books. Yes, we have a magazine holder, but it's full. All three of us are voracious readers. And then there's my knitting stuff (I am of the 'if you leave yarn around until it becomes part of the landscape, your husband won't realize how much yarn you have' school of thought). And we won't even discuss the CDs, DVDs or VHS tapes ...

I don't pick up after my everlovin' husband, though. There is a huge mound of his clothes on the floor of our bedroom and I refuse to touch it. He does his laundry, I do mine. My daughter asked for a big bookcase for her stuff, to get it off the floor. I said, First we have to get rid of the stuff where the bookcase will go.

they say that a simple way of getting your husband to pick things up after himself would be kindly ask him to do so, never be angry or negative about him not doing it, and not pick up the shoes yourself,
but each time he does it KINDLY REWARD HIM, with a thankful kiss or something of the sort.
so that he really knows that his effort was appreciated.

i read this in an article of a woman who was working with (or something) with exotic animals... and she decided to try this on her husband....
that's the way you treat creatures who don't really understand :D

I do pick up after my husband but not always. If im having a moment when I don't feel like I should be the one to pick it up then I just ask him to do it. It is yours after all!! He does it and tells me he's sorry for leaving it out in the middle of everything. I have learned it is better for the thoughts in my head if I just ask him to do it. He does have a pattern, the more I ask him the less he leaves behind. Then I pick up cause well he's not leaving so much out but then it starts all over again. Just ASK all the time.

When my husband comes in the door from work, he immediately begins removing articles of clothing and leaving them wherever he happens to be at the moment. We end up with shoes in the laundry room, a shirt and belt in the kitchen and pants on the floor next to the hamper. I tried telling him that when he does this he is indirectly saying that he believes it's my job to clean up after him, but he disagrees. He says he'll get to it. I'm still waiting. I end up doing it because I can't stand the clutter. However, if he leaves clothes, say, in the computer room where I rarely go, the clothes don't get picked up, don't get washed and he eventually puts them in the hamper to be washed.

we have a policy. If one finds something on the floor where it doesn't belong, one immediately picks it up and throws/ takes it into the farthest corner of the garage.

The policy applies to anyone over the age of 6. Items belonging to people under the age of 6 are brought to the attention of said owner who must immediately put it away where it belongs.

My number 3 (of 4) is about to turn 6 this month and he's thrilled that his stuff will soon be thrown into the garage if he';s not a "big boy" who remembers to put things away.

So far, the three oldest in the house have acclimated and almost never need to go foraging in the garage...

My solution to this is to put all clutter in a box and leave it on his side of the bed. He'll get the hint! LOL!

I read this and laughed for 5 minutes straight. This is the argument I have daily in my head...fabulous husband, great father, totally unaware and uncaring that his stuff is in mini piles all over the house. He honestly doesn't even see it - my Eldest is just like him, too (we have 4 kids ranging from 8 to 5mo old twins). She is happy to pick something up and responds right away to my asking her, but doesn't mind living in a room/house where things are all over the place. Makes me crazy. I have a system and place for everything. One piece of advice...no...two. First, teach your husband your systems you have in place. Mine told me once that I invent new order and new rules and "your shoes are now supposed to go here" type of things all of the time, and expect everyone to abide, but don't really explain what has changed. That makes him follow House Rules (but only for a day or two). Second, I occasionally listen to my mother, who says: Why fight his way? It's never going to change and will cause you ultimate frustration (and...you know who you married)...why don't you just STOP doing some of the important things that he needs to have done and see what happens? For instance, I stopped doing his laundry, because he was never putting away his own clothes, and said nothing about it. Funny thing - one Saturday afternoon he was throwing in a load of clothes (after wearing no underwear for 3 days, but still!). Dry cleaning - I just stopped taking it. You know what? After not 1 shirt left in his closet, and me answering with a smile, "Sorry Honey, I forgot to drop it off." He did it - and picked it up. (Funny thing was, one time when I picked it up for us and left it hanging in the garage, I asked him once to bring it in - and instead of doing that, it hung there and hung there - I morally refused to have it up - and finally he started going out in his t-shirt and putting on a shirt from the garage before work - TOO FUNNY. His mom and mine got a great laugh out of that one) After a few of these things and lessons learned (quietly, with no animosity), I said with a smile, if you would like me to help out with some of your stuff, help out with some of mine - and he uses my systems for awhile. Then we do the whole routine over again. 10 years of marriage later. :)

You've been with your husband way too long to take the martyrdom role here! Pick up the clutter when you want it cleared up, but don't let yourself get into a huff over it. It's your decision to pick up his things; take responsibility for your choice in the matter! (and don't do it if you'd rather not...)

I think it's better to hide the shoes! Then when he goes to look for them, you tell him if he's put them away, he'd know where they were. That or tell him to pick them up. Maybe I'm just lucky but my husband does half the housework in our home. He cleans the toilets and does the dishes. He also does laundry. So since he does these things I'll put up with a few of his qwirks, like moving his shoes -- mostly I just kick them out of the way in the laundry/mud room. And when there is a need for actually picking them up, I enlist our 3 year old. He thinks he is so very helpful when he puts ALL THE SHOES ON THE SHELF. My husband is the one who gets annoyed more quickly with the mess. I don't like it, but will deal with it longer.

My advice -- hide them. He'll learn awfully quickly to pick up after himself. Plus it's a fun distraction for you to watch him hunt for his stuff. And get your kids to help.

Persistence without nagging works best. It's a fine line but I'm working on it. I refuse to do his laundry. He tries, oh believe me he tries. He asks if he has any clean socks/pants/shirts (suggesting I "help him out") and I always reply the same way. "I don't know, I don't do your laundry."
He leaves his dirty clothes and other items on the stairs. I put them in his closet. Papers and mail that is left everywhere gets put in box in the dining room. He gets upset because he can't find that almost clean shirt or a letter and I reply, "If you took care of it, you would know where it is." I have been saying this for about 6 months now and it's finally sinking in. Last night, he asked if he had any clean socks and before I could give my standard reply, he said, "Never mind. You don't do my laundry." Then, he took care of himself. Sort of. He stole a pair of my socks. I said I'm working on it. At least we don't wear the same pant size.

I do the EXACT same thing. My husband have only been married about 9 months and it is quite obvious that we grew up in households with differing rules on who picked up what. He is in the army and has decided that a chair in our den is the perfect place for his uniform when he gets home each day; instead walking the 10 or so odd steps to our bedroom to chnage along with leaving his boots under the coffee table. I've come to the conclusion that as the saying goes... "one must choose their battles" and this is not one worth fighting. He is making progress in other areas... i.e. putting his dirty dishes up and putting his dirty clothes in the hamper instead of on the floor. I'll take those wins and consider the uniform and boots a necessary evil.

Wow!! I must have the perfect husband. He is not an animal or an inconsiderate slob. He is my partner. He occaisonally leaves his shoes or the mail out and I occaisonally leave my shoes or the mail out. We share in the chores. I wash, fold and put away the clothes for my husband. I like it. It's a small easy task that I can do for my husband (and he thinks I'm amazing). My husband takes out the trash, every time. I hate that job and because he does it, I think he's amazing. I think a lot of it has to do with respecting your partner. When you get to that "fed up" point, take a break, go on a date or stop and think about why you married him in the first place.

This is why I read this blog! I love this post!
I am a neat freak--emphasis on the freak--and my husband is completely oblivious to any mess. He is very nice about picking up something at the specific time that I ask him, but it gets old having to ask him time and again to pick up his socks or take out the garbage.
After several months of "grrs" on my part, I finally just thought, "If I want the house clean, I'm going to have to be the one to clean it." So I do. And I'm working on getting over my hesitancy about asking him to do stuff.
If I remember those things, for the most part, we do OK. :) Of course, we haven't quite been married three years! Check back with me after 20!

Honestly, my husband always tells me the same thing about any mess I don't want to get up, he says, "LEAVE IT!" And eventually, he will get annoyed by it and get it up. I have also taken piles of his stuff and put it directly where he will have to deal with it, right on his computer chair! If I feel I am being overly clean conscious, I clean whatever up myself. So I am always evaluating why I want something done, and how urgent it really is. Also, I totally agree with Chris, the bin thing totally works, I had to do that with a sloppy ex-roommate. Sometimes, with other things, it really helps me to tell my husband exactly how I fell about something that I have to do that should be his responsibility. (Such as, " I really feel like I am your servant when I have to clean up after you constantly.") Hope that helps!

I'm also lucky that my husband isn't disrespectful of my feelings or inconsiderate. But I did read that article mentioned earlier about the woman who trains exotic animals. She tried the same techniques on her husband and it worked with great success. I decided to do the same thing and was shocked at how well it really worked!
Here's the article from the NYTImes:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fashion/25love.html

I pick up after my husband and the pets (who knew cats could get toys out by themselves?), mostly because I hate having clutter around the house. Every now and then I will treat myself to a little something nice (new shoes, manicure, etc). I get rewarded for my efforts around the house, and my husband doesn't have to listen to me complain about picking up after him. Everybody wins!

I do pick up after the kids to a point...we do the basket on the step thing so people make "productive" trips upstairs to their rooms...but I am embarrassed to admit that I probably add more to the clutter than dear husband does...am working on it and all of your posts amused me. Just a view from the other side :-)