Your list is great, and I definitely use #1 and #3 in my personal discernment process when I meet someone.

if I might add these from my personal list:

6) The first thing she tells you about her husband/marriage.
7) What makes her laugh.
8) How she reacts when she hears a crying child in public. (Hnt - the less of a reaction, the better)

I agree with everything but #2. Not everyone grows up in a rosy world with lovely parents. This is also why I loathe the saying, "She comes from a good family." I had an emotionally abusive parent, but I am a good and kind person. I have sought opportunities for myself, and I have worked hard to build a good life and to be a good mom. I will not be defined or judged by the sins of my parent. I hope my face would tell you that even though I was raised in a nightmare, I am resilient and strong. I wish very much that I had grown up in such a secure and safe environment that I could believe in #2. You're luckier than you know.

Aren't there 2 more famous ones - how he/she spends a rainy day and something about what they do with the tangled Christmas lights from last year. Actually, the older I get, the less I feel I know, about anything. Or maybe I am way more tolerant that I was as a younger woman.

Telling indeed. I was walking with my toddlers yesterday and my older daughter eagerly ran to tell a woman gardening what her soon-to-arrive sister's name would be. When my other daughter and I caught up the look on the woman's face spoke volumes. Contempt and resentment. I apologized and hurried away. I don't expect everyone to like children, but they deserve at least the same polite indifference you'd give an adult bidding you hello.

I'd say that just about covers it! And I like Chris and Michele's too.

To Lori in MN: It's hard when a person is proud to have just SURVIVED her family, and it is assumed people can be judged by how much a family is loved and appreciated...but there are plenty of us out there (including you) who have become that family we always wanted, and can just smile and be glad for those who will never know how hard it was to get where we are. Real life (Real Simple life) not withstanding, we are happily ever aftering, arent' we? Best to you.

...gosh, I guess my last posting sounds like I think Real Simple is...out of touch. Not at all. All you have to do is read it to know it speaks to real women, with real lives. Sorry if I made it sound otherwise.

#2: A good response might be, "I'm sure they did they best they knew how to do, given the circumstances." Forgive and move on. Learn from the past, but don't dwell on it. Live in the present. Remember Disraeli's dictum, "Never complain, never explain."

I don't know about #1... I've worked in Food Service Management for 20+ yrs and I am always very critical of my service when I go out to eat. Pretty much all a waiters job is to bring the food to the table and fill the beverage glasses. If you can't do that, don't expect a very good tip... On the other hand, because of my Food Service background, I also tip on the 30 - 50% plus side if my service is good.

@Wendy: I think judging someone by how he/she treats waitstaff is not advocating tipping extravagantly for lousy service, but about treating your server -- good or bad -- as a human being and not as an automaton. There are people out there who consider themselves "above" anyone in a service job and treat service workers accordingly, be they restaurant staff, checkers in grocery or department stores, janitors, receptionists, and so forth.

Lori, by #2 I don't mean that the look on your face when you talk about your parents has to be a good one. What I mean is that your expression when discussing your parents says a lot about your relationship with them. It sounds like you have made it through--and it sounds like any negativity you express (even unspoken) is deserved. But I'm not luckier than I know--I KNOW I'm lucky. Believe me!

Too funny - my sister and I were just talking about this and we covered all of the items on your list as our way of determining the character of a person. I might also add ... the look on her face when talking about her husband.

How interesting all your posts were.

I have always told young women who are newly interested in a young man, that they should pay particular attention to how that young man treats his mother...
For the most part, this is a great indicator of what to expect in the future!

So true.

Re: Michele

While I generally agree with you (babies do cry after all), where the baby is crying in public is certainly a consideration. I had no issue shooting the stinkeye at the parents of a screaming baby during high tea at the Ritz in London, and neither did the other patrons. Places that require a coat and tie for tea are not places that a two year-old belongs. In any case, if it's possible to remove the baby from the situation, it should be done quickly and with minimal fuss. And, I might add, how parents react to the situation speaks volumes about them too!

hmmm...I might add how she handles herself when confronted with crises big and small........

hmmm...I might add how she handles herself when confronted with crises big and small........