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Observations
17 Pieces of Women's Magazine Advice I Never Want to Read Again for as Long as I Live
Posted on Mar 7, 2008 10:54:19 AM  |  By KristinVanOgtrop

  • Put grapes in the freezer and eat them whenever you want candy; they're just as good.
  • Give up buying coffee at Starbuck's and you'll save hundreds of dollars per year.
  • If you can't do 30 minutes of cardio per day, try adding up your little daily activities, like vacuuming.
  • If you are overcommitted, just start saying no.
  • Take an afternoon nap. Even twenty minutes can make a big difference.
  • Cut up vegetables on Sunday and put them in your fridge for the week; then you will reach for them instead of potato chips when you feel like snacking.
  • Don't go to bed angry.
  • Consolidate all of your errands instead of making many small trips.
  • If you feel like yelling at your kids, give yourself a time out instead.
  • Don’t go to the grocery store on an empty stomach.
  • Vaseline is just as good as mascara in a pinch.
  • If you are tired in the afternoon, don't have a cup of coffee; walk around the block instead.
  • You can reproduce the look you get at a salon by knowing how to use your blow-dryer properly.
  • Try ricotta on your whole wheat toast instead of butter or cream cheese--much better for you and just as good.
  • Instead of the elevator, take the stairs.
  • A good eye cream really will reduce the appearance of crow's feet.
  • If you find the right low-maintenance haircut, you really can just wash and go. And you’ll love your hair!


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    What about those "work day to night out" tips? Gold metalic skirt in the office and bright red lipstick after 5 pm -- just remove your cardigan and change your pumps to gold strappy sandles. Only in magazines does wearing pumps all day prepare your toenail polish for sandals. Really, will these tips erase the stickiness of 8 hours sitting in a 10 year old office chair and deodorize the secretary's burnt microwave popcorn, your socially inept co-workers garlicky take-out and the annoying new girls obsession with turning the thermostat up to such high heat no antiperspirant can handle. And, if you are wearing evening clothes under that cardigan, you are also wearing evening undergarments. I have never been able to think, much less breathe, in a girdle or a thong...

    And what about that taking the stairs thing or parking farther away from the building? Good if you live in a place where the temp gets below 60, but down here in Louisiana, a 15 foot stroll from the gas pump to the clerk causes straight hair to be stringy and flat and curly hair to full-out frizz. Waterproof mascara turns to gum and forget your blush, powder, shadow and liner. If dressed, for the gym -- sure. But really, if we had time for the gym, we wouldn't need this ridiculous tip.

    On that note, what about working out during lunch? On a good day, shower, make up and hair (without washing) takes about 45 minutes, an hour and a half if I wash and blow dry. I'm in sales, so I work by appointment, but really -- who has a 2 hour lunch hour? And if you do have one, why not just take half the time to eat, leave early and then go to the gym...

    Love the use your finger as your toothbrush after a one night stand...Really, you slept with him -- and you can't use his toothbrush?

    Posted by: katie| March 08, 2008 at 10:06 PM




    OMG! My mother-in-law told me the "do not go to bed angy" line.....
    I dont want to hear in in magazines and I especially dont want to hear it from her! There are times when you just have to sleep things over, you know. You dont have to talkt hrought every fight or every stressful situation, whether it be about youur husband or about work crap. EVERYONE NEEDS TO JUST STOP TELLING OTHER TO NOT GO TO BED ANGRY!!!!! That is the worst advice that I have EVER heard!

    Posted by: Heather| March 09, 2008 at 08:27 AM




    -another Royal Icing recipe
    -walk off 10 pounds
    Happy Birthday Staci, and "Amen," to Pattie. When you don't have kids 'til 40, you're too busy to worry about being 50 anyway (I received a card on my 40th birthday that said, "Cheer up, you could be turning 40 AND be pregnant). Ah, well...


    Posted by: Cathy I| March 09, 2008 at 12:22 PM




    I enjoyed reading the list and everyone's comments. Amen to Katie in Louisianna! I also live on the Gulf Coast (North Florida) and have experienced the 100% frizz.

    To Staci, and any other curly headed ladies who are looking for wash-n-go hair, here is a website you might want to peruse - http://www.naturallycurly.com/. I am a wash-n-go gal, but I still have a straightening iron for the days (mostly weekends) I just want it to be tame. I've found when I'm going curly that the less I try to "fix" my hair, the better it looks. :)

    Posted by: Krista| March 09, 2008 at 04:12 PM




    Cathy I. -- Thanks for the BD wishes! It's silly, I always wanted to be 35!??! So, this year, when I turned 36 I wasn't AS excited??
    Krista-- Thanks so much for the website. I'm going to check it out as soon as I get these little ones to bed. (They have five more minutes with Dad playing Mario Super Galaxy!) My hair is not kinky curly but I have just enough wave that is a nuisance! So, I'm very anxious to check it out. Thanks again!

    Posted by: Staci| March 09, 2008 at 09:03 PM




    Staci - I use Garnier Fructis Curl Sculpting Cream Gel. I love it!

    Posted by: Anne| March 10, 2008 at 09:12 AM




    Just cracking up over these! I love that I never see them in Real Simple. So true that the same stuff comes up over and over in other mags. I keep my Simple in piles by my bed and just look through them over and over. Frozen grapes...pass the ice cream!

    Posted by: Em in IL| March 10, 2008 at 11:06 AM




    http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/22111/35240-curl-fate
    A friend sent this article to me sometime ago about those who have curly hair want straight and vice-versa...love to see that so many have embraced their curls :-) but thought it was funny.
    And I don't want to hear about frozen grapes or going to bed angry either...unless of course I have had time for my afternoon nap --- ha ha!
    Love the blog and I hope all have a great week.

    Posted by: LisaB| March 10, 2008 at 12:26 PM




    Anne-- Gonna make one of those unconsolidated trips to the store tonight JUST for the sculpting gel! HA! Have a good week everyone!

    Posted by: Staci| March 10, 2008 at 04:36 PM




    Michelle made me lol. One of the girls in my office is constantly getting cheap spray-tans. She is soooo pale, and then she'll come in looking like she's been mudwrestling and forgot to shower. The next day it starts peeling and she gets all blotchy for a week until it wears off. She does this about once a month. Why? Apparently being blothcy-tanned is more attractive than being white? I don't know.

    I hate all those quizzes about relationships/are you in the right job/do you have a problem with..... They are so general as to not even be vaguely entertaining to do, and certainly don't tell you anything that someone who is partially awake won't already know about themselves.

    Oh, and all the 'use this wierd thign as a substitute for somethign you like to eat' ones. No cottage cheese for me, thanks. It is NOT just as good.

    Posted by: Kate| March 10, 2008 at 08:48 PM




    Actually, after clicking over to the finance section, I have a new one: how to save money: don't be an idiot.

    So, if i already have only one credit card, no magazine subscriptions, don't eat out more than once a week... there's nothing I can do?

    Posted by: Kate| March 10, 2008 at 08:54 PM




    The "right" wash and go haircut would probably mean about 1/2 inch long all over. I might love it, but my husband would divorce me.

    I do take the stairs in work. But I work on the second floor. Now what?

    Consolidate your errands so that you have more time to spend at home putting yourself in a timeout to keep from yelling at the kids.

    It takes me about 20 minutes to fall asleep when I take my afternoon nap.

    I'm tired. I'm going to have a cup of coffee now, because I can't just get up from my desk at 3 p.m. and say I'm going for a walk.

    Posted by: pkzcass| March 11, 2008 at 02:25 PM




    I personally LOVE going to bed angry, because that way I get some sleep!
    Who wants to be up all night hashing things out!? :o)

    Posted by: Cindy H| March 11, 2008 at 04:03 PM




    What, we all do not follow these oh so simple rules. I do think they are interesting to read. Just that, when I am relaxing on the couch with my little chihuahua and watching American Idol. I have my own ways of doing things, I agree that we should have shortcuts, but some are way too 'simple.'

    Posted by: Tiffany| March 11, 2008 at 09:17 PM




    Hahaha...yeah, I'm totally up for never seeing those again. :)

    Posted by: Sarah| March 20, 2008 at 11:05 AM




    Walk around the block instead of drinking coffee? Riiiight. I'd walk around the block, sure but then I'd need to drink that cup of coffee. :-)

    Posted by: Christine @ Serenity How?| March 20, 2008 at 11:38 AM




    i just found your blog + i actually agree with all the tips (never heard of vaseline on eyelashes though). you're profile pic looks like you've got the great wash + go haircut :)

    Posted by: mod*mom| March 20, 2008 at 03:14 PM




    If you can't do 30 minutes of cardio per day, try adding up your little daily activities, like painting your toenails or quaffing wine....

    Posted by: Goddess| March 23, 2008 at 05:06 AM




    Sing it, Sister! I've said this for years.

    I know what to eat, don't need a magazine to tell me, but a carrot is not a substitute for a potato chip! Grr...

    Posted by: Busy Mom| March 23, 2008 at 06:25 PM




    HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!

    Are you the funniest woman on the planet? I think you might be!

    You put a smile on my face this morning with this piece and the "Paint it Black" lullabye expert (I think I may have to buy that CD)

    Posted by: Charlotte| April 22, 2008 at 07:15 AM




    This is very funny!

    Posted by: Tuni & G| May 05, 2008 at 06:09 PM




    I have always hated the advice about not going to bed angry. Sometimes you just can't stop going in the same circles and if you're tired it will only get worse. For the love of god, go to bed angry - and then talk the next day!

    Posted by: sherry| May 05, 2008 at 09:41 PM




    This is too funny. Trite advice in magazine articles is one of my all-time pet peeves (and I'm speaking as a person who writes magazine articles herself). I nodded and laughed all the way through this list. You know it's bad when we could recite these things in our sleep... -Julia :-)

    Posted by: Hooked on Houses| May 06, 2008 at 10:29 AM




    Very clever. I just wanted to let you know that I was reading the May issue of Real Simple today, enjoying very much (as I always do) the "Road Test" section, when I came upon an article that saddened and disturbed me. I have decided to never read your magazine again, and felt I should tell you why.

    I believe that children have the right to be born into a family with a mother and father who love them. I know that not everyone believes this way, and I respect others beliefs just as I expect others to respect mine. But the article about Sarah Ellis and her partner bringing two kids into the world with the help of a "donor" was very disturbing, and I think out of place in a magazine such as yours. In the past I've read your magazine for organizing tips, make-up tips, simple menu ideas, and such useful information as "which swimsuit will detract the most attention from my "full" hips" :-) etc. I do not read it expecting to be bombarded with certain staff member's agendas. Perhaps you are rolling your eyes at this point thinking I'm "one of those people", and you'd probably be right to think that. For, unlike Sarah and Kristen who look upon Easter as a holiday in which they will now need to find a "little pink dress and shoes, [and]...tiny suspenders", I am one who looks upon it for an entirely different reason. Homosexuality is a moral issue, and cannot be easily argued in a secular way. So I will not attempt that here.

    I finished reading parts of the magazine, but couldn't get through it. I literally felt sick for those babies. Your magazine has become tainted for me. Everything now (every picture, every article...), feels fake, untrue, and like it it has an agenda behind it--and it's an agenda that I don't agree with. So I will no longer buy or read your magazine, and like my several of my friends who are subscribers, will do what we can to convince others to do likewise. Thank you for your time in reading this.

    Sincerely,
    Amelia Kynaston
    Las Vegas, Nevada

    Posted by: Amelia Kynaston| April 13, 2009 at 06:26 PM






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