Well, I think the man in my life and I are just about equally happy; however, I think it's also safe to say that he is able to roll with the punches far more easily than I am! I think he feels less pressure to be perfect than I do, and I'm sure that has at least partially to do with the fact that he's a man.

We take turns being happier usually.
My husband has been out of town for 10 days and I had kid #2 (of 3) puking this morning. I told the sitter we wouldn't be coming today and took the time to watch some Noggin w/ 2&3 and then folded some laundry...and discovered your blog, Kristen!
I'm sure I'll get caught up on the work...eventually...

Wow! First off...I can't believe YOU get cranky? You are the perfect person in my eyes! As I'm writing this post, my eldest son is trying to blow play-doh through a cake decorating squeezing thing...meanwhile, I'm trying not to be "unhappy" about the fact that there will be play-doh everywhere for a week! Wonder why we are stressed, overhwhelmed? I think that my husband is MUCH better about handling life and being happier because he can put things into a better priority than I. Meaning...he's much better at saying, "so what that there is play-doh everywhere...didn't he have a great time? After all, he is a healthy sweet 5 year old!" Ugghh, makes me feel guilty then! I could go on and on but now, my 2/12 yr old boy is joining in on the play-doh blowing! BUT WHO CARES, THEY ARE HAVING FUN AREN'T THEY? Have a happy day!

Two things: Maria, hilarious, reminds me of a quote from some interview I was watching with Whoopi Goldberg; I even wrote down the quote b/c I thought it was so funny: "Anyone who is living with you who isn't you is a problem." Ha!
And Stac, my husband also doesn't care when there's play-doh (or mud from soccer cleats that no one can remember to take off when they enter the house) all over the place, pretty much for the same reasons. But the mess drives me crazy too. And I both admire and resent him that he doesn't get all worked up about it the way I do.

How embarrassing! In the midst of the play-doh "fun", I didn't check for typos! My name is actually Staci and my little guy is really 2 1/2 not 2/12!! Hope you are making it a happy day---my husband reminds me sometimes it's CHOOSING to make things happier....yea, yea, yea : ) Just another thing to admire and resent them for!

This is so my life. My husband often asks why I seem stressed and don't let things "roll off." Yesterday I came home to all sorts of "Amelia Bedelia" like attempts at help from my new nanny and my husband was saying just how wonderful she is. Yes, she's great but all I could think about was how to give her constructive feedback about buying and serving distilled water as drinking water, making the beds with mis-matched, too small sheets and using half a tank of gas in 3 days. It's no wonder women are more stressed!

Wow... maybe David Leonhardt is really a woman... because his analysis is dead on. At the end of the day, my husband can look at the things that he DID accomplish, while I focus on the many, many things on my to-do list that I didn't check off. And I let it make me crazy (like the play-doh STILL in the carpet from Grandma's last ill-conceived play date). I'm new to the blogging world - but I have to say it's so nice to have a forum to share, commiserate, celebrate, etc. with other crazed moms. Maybe this will make us happier? (Although, my blog reading time is always after 11 p.m....)

There are definite pluses to not having a husband -- #1 no negotiating! -- but also minuses -- noone to keep your toes warm at night. Maybe I'm just fantasizing about the pluses...

Ok, technically, we don't have any children yet, but I frequently tell people that I'm the single mother of a 35 year old man. I'm certain he is happier, because he doesn't see that the carpet needs to be vacuumed, or the dishwasher needs to be unloaded, or even that the toilet needs to be flushed sometimes. He makes me laugh though, and that counts for a lot.

Building on Sammy's Mom and assuming you have a nanny then a huge factor driving stress levels is being the one who communicates with the caregiver. In my case and in almost all of my friends' cases, it is the mom of the household. I spent yesterday morning before I left for work giving my nanny a pep talk on why Max is old enough to go to preschool and that it's ok her to leave him there even if he doesn't want her to leave. My husband spent those minutes reading the newspaper. Which sounds more relaxing?!

I am a happy person, but my husband thinks I am NOT! I admit we have different styles of handling the kid-mess around here (similar to what's been said) and that I always have a to-do list going. I do let off steam to him about the things I have to do and I think he interprets that as deep unhappiness. I need to remember to whine to my girlfriends who would join me in whining. Once I've whined about it, I'm over it, but apparently hubby as stored it up as more evidence of my supposed "unhappiness." sighhhhh

Margo - I completely agree with you. I have come to learn over the last year that I need to vent less with my husband and more with women who understand what we go through. About a year ago, I noticed my husband becoming more distant from me and snapping at our children. We rarely talked one-on-one, and when we did, we discussed all of our to-dos. I felt very alone and sad, and blamed him even more for everything that was wrong in my life. Months later, we finally talked about what was going on, and I learned that he was deeply unhappy with our life. My stress had affected him to such a degree that whenever someone spilled some milk or the week's meals weren't fully completed by 8:00 p.m. on Sunday night or my husband wanted to go out to watch a ballgame with his buddies, he would get anxious and feel on edge. I had transferred my anxieties onto him! And it was making everyone miserable. So, I have made a very conscious effort to roll with more punches than ever before. I'm quieter when I feel stressed, and I'm trying very hard to enjoy the ups and downs of my life. It has been challenging, but at least now, my husband talks to me more, and my kids seem happier. Talking with a few women I know has also helped, so I can at least get some of my frustrations off my chest before I come home from work. Am I happier? Jury is still out.

My husband and I BOTH tend to get too worked up when we're stressed and take it out on each other. This causes both our anxiety levels to rise and an argument usually follows. I have been trying hard to go with the flow lately, which seems to help. If I stay calm and don't get upset it usually rubs off on him. When something goes wrong I remind myself that it's not the end of the world. So what if the laundry doesn't get done until tomorrow? I am trying to be thankful for what we have and remember how lucky we are. And if all else fails, I call my best friend to vent instead!

To HMM and Jes--
A couple of things that work for me:
1) my book group. nothing better than sitting around with a group of women and griping about our husbands. It is free therapy, with drinks and lots of laughs.
2) my husband (and children, for that matter) just hit an internal OFF switch if I try to explain something that's bugging me and I'm clearly angry. If I want to get through to them, I get much better results if I don't sound angry (good acting, in other words)
3) I try--*try*--not to discuss anything important with my husband or children after 9 pm. Ninety percent of any argument that occurs in our household involving me happens after 9 pm! I should just go to bed at 8:30 and then I'd never argue with anybody.

Happiness is a hard problem. I think happiness is individual and rarely a condition of our circumstances. When I choose to be happy regardless of what is going on in my life I most often am. But I have to make this choice everyday. I have also noticed that happiness comes in short bursts most of the time and is not prolonged. For instance, I was building a lego model with my son last night and for about 30 minutes we were working very happily together, listening to music and having a good time. Later, he started complaining about bed time and things turned very sad. I decided to remember the fun we had earlier rather than the struggle later and found myself happy again. I wonder if happiness is like my grandmother used to say: "Think happy thoughts and you will be happy".

I feel the same way most of the time, but then I tell him you know I can't do it all by myself anymore. So what I feel like I can do does get done and then I take a day at a time. And sometimes he does try to help. It may not be alot but what he does is enough to me. Besides now my two girls are old enough to help do things to. So it does get better.

OMG! Unbelievably accurate. Right down to the hubands solution. Would love to have coffee with the woman/wife/mother who is happier. Thank you for posting this...

He is definitely happier!!! He has one predictable job that he goes to everyday and I have, let's see, 3 ever-changing jobs (not including the job of being the mom to 3 boys). Oh but I think I might me happier on Thursdays at 10am, when all 3 boys are in school and I am having coffee at Starbucks with my dearest friend for one quiet hour!!

dear sammy's mom:
Amelia Bedelia! I remember her! Sometimes I feel like her around my own house :-) It is hard being the woman, caring about mud on the floor because you're the one who has to clean it, but alternately just wanting everyone to relax and have a good time. The thing that bugs me is men who come and tell you when something's dirty... um, excuse me, why are you telling me? you can clean it too, you know!

He is happier, but this just means I am normal...

My husband's happier because he walks all over me and turns his back.