How Emma Watson Has Changed My Life

security-officer-patch_300So I was intrigued by the photo I saw online of actress Emma Watson at her Brown University graduation this past weekend. Seated next to Watson was an older woman wearing a cap and gown, who later turned out to have been packing heat, as they say in ‘70s action movies. The whole thing is so confusing and intriguing to me, I hardly know where to begin. So many questions!

• Why was the woman wearing a cap and gown?
• Who paid for her cap and gown?
• Did she have to return them after the ceremony, which my friends’ daughter had to do?
• (And, come to think of it, WHY would you have to return your cap and gown? Shouldn’t you be able to keep it for posterity, like a wedding dress?)
• If you are wearing a badge and a gun but have a gown over top to hide it all, what’s the point?
• Should she have worn red lipstick like Emma, so people might have at least thought they were related?
• Should she have been younger, so she looked like a more plausible graduate?
• If she is not employed by the Providence police, what exactly does her badge say?

Clearly I could go on and on. But now I’ve become completely obsessed with all the places I would like to take a “noticeably older-looking woman” wearing a badge (I think I’d ask her to leave the gun at her house. You know, in a locked safe.)

1. To the dinner table, to help enforce asparagus eating

2. To boring work meetings, to help long-winded colleagues to get to the point

3. To the grocery store, in case I got into an argument about a parking space

4. To Christmas morning, to encourage orderly gift opening

5. To my teenager’s room, to help him “see” the giant pile of clothes on the bottom of his bed…

…again, I could go on and on. Really, I just want to know: Emma, are you willing to share?


  1. ES

    Why would a young woman celebrate her college graduation with an armed bodyguard at her side? Most likely as a result of a threat to her personal safety – unless Emma Watson is suddenly departing from the low-key public persona she has projected for most of her life. So the above – while clearly an attempt at humor – seems grossly insensitive.

    May 28, 2014 at 3:30 pm
  2. imdb

    Thank you! The list at the end is hilarious, as anyone with a sense of humor would appreciate. Not sure who Emma Watson is, but glad that she graduated.

    May 29, 2014 at 3:08 pm
  3. BT

    Can’t imagine her not having a bodyguard at all times.
    Like the other suggested uses for an enforcer.

    July 13, 2014 at 9:21 am
  4. Kenneth

    This is my first time visit at here and i am really happy to read everthing at one place.

    July 24, 2014 at 5:40 am

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