If My Daughter’s a Flower Girl, Do I Deserve an Invitation?

Let’s say you live in the same house as your ex-wife, but are no longer romantically involved. Should you be invited to your her friend’s wedding if your 5-year-old daughter is a flower girl?

Should I repeat that one? If you had a hard time following along, maybe it’s because the situation is complicated. Here’s how a reader named MHoffman2 described it:

“I have a 5-year-old daughter. I co-parent with her mother. We  live in the same house; however, we are not a couple. We are close friends, though. Recently a friend of hers asked to include our daughter in his wedding party (as a flower girl). They are getting married on Nantucket and we live in Oregon. They offered to pay the expenses for my ex and my daughter to attend. I have never met the couple. Although my ex and I are not a couple, we do vacation together and raise our daughter together. My question is, was it uncouth for the couple to invite my daughter to be a flower girl without inviting me? My ex is not being invited with a guest to her knowledge, and wouldn’t bring one because we are not monetarily able to at this point.”

Im this case, I can understand why you would like to attend the wedding of someone you don’t know, MHoffman2: Who wouldn’t want to see his 5-year-old daughter tripping down the aisle adorably, scattering petals? But in this situation, there are a number of reasons why you have no right to feel insulted by not getting an invitation:

1. You and your wife are divorced.

2. The person getting married is your ex-wife’s friend.

3. You have never met either the bride or the groom.

4. The wedding is thousands of miles away, and for you to attend, the wedding couple would have to pay your airfare.

There is no reason for you to expect to be invited. I think what’s confusing the situation, for you, is the fact that you live in the same house as your ex-wife. Consider this: If you lived down the block or across town—maintaining a separate household—would you still expect to be included in the invitation? Although you live together and share parenting responsibilities, you have described a situation where you and your ex-wife maintain separate friendships. This is an event in her social life, not yours.

Do you agree? Or should the father of the flower girl be invited even if he doesn’t know his ex-wife’s friend?

(image via RealSimple.com)