Ridiculous Products, Entry #4597

Longtime readers know that I do get a kick out of wacky products, and as a Real Simple writer/blogger it’s only natural that I love inventions that solve problems. But these two new items sort of push the limit of problems in need of a solution.

I present to you the following:

1. Picnic Jeans. Ever wanted to be able to eat off your lap? To be able to do away with those pesky tablecloths and picnic blankets entirely? Why not mash-up the two, by wearing these flattering jeans with a food-catching triangle of fabric built right in. (See pic, below.) To me, these pants from the Italian brand Aquacalda feel like an unholy union between MC Hammer-harem pants and a tarp. (price unknown)

2. The Joey Bra. This one is simple: A bra, with a built-in pocket along the side for your phone. (See pic, below.) Yes, a piece of lacy lingerie, bedecked with a special pouch for your iPhone, or credit card, or ID or stash of C-notes. Again, I am not one to snark or sniff at things that help you go hands free; I’ve probably tried nearly every belt, pouch, bottle or other product on the market that allows you to run or walk without holding your phone/credit card/ID. I’ve even worn sports bras with built-in sleeves (atop the chest) to contain my iPod! But I just can’t quite figure out why you’d need this one?? Nights out at the club, in a super-tight “bandage” dress? Prom night? Raucous Vegas weekend? Whatever happened to clutch purses and its ilk?? If it does appeal to you, the product is in pre-order stage—set to ship in June 2012. $30.