Mother in Law’s Lament: ‘They Left Me Out’

January 26, 2012 | By | Comments (12)

How do in-laws avoid hurt feelings? LostMom13 wrote to say she felt snubbed because her daughter-in-law’s family didn’t invite her to attend a christening.

“My son and DIL were godparents,” LostMom13 wrote. “This was a family affair of my DIL’s, and I am usually included. Am I wrong to feel hurt?”

I doubt anyone was purposely trying to hurt your feelings, LostMom13. I wonder if the family even knew ahead of time that you wanted to attend?

Did you drop hints before the event? If so, a better approach would have been to tell your daughter in law, “I’d love to see my son become a godfather. May I come, too?” If you had, your daughter in law would have asked her relatives if it was OK for you to attend.

If you were less direct or waited in silence, hoping for an invitation, the family had no way of knowing your wishes.

Next time, remember there’s no shame in asking. Your daughter in law’s relatives may not be family, but your daughter in law is.  From the shorthand way you refer to her as an acronym — “DIL,” as opposed to the way you refer to “my son” – it sounds as if you may keep her at a distance. Even so, I’m sure she – and her relatives – would be flattered that you want to be more involved with her family.

Do you socialize with your in laws’ relatives? Have you ever felt offended after they didn’t invite you to a family event? How did you handle it?