5 Telltale Signs You Have the Right Perspective on Current Events, Circa Summer 2011

People reading newspapers

1. You are reading and watching nearly everything you can about the whole Murdoch thing, but mostly because you want to get another look at Rebekah Brook’s hair. Why don’t more CEOs have hair like that? Does she ever try to blow it straight? Is that her real color? Isn’t it really hot on her neck in the middle of the summer? Will she pull it back if she ever has to testify before Parliament?

2. Naturally, you watched the Women’s World Cup. But regarding that ESPN commentator Ian Darke: Why don’t more commentators use words like “rapier” and “obdurate” when they are watching major sporting events?  (I don’t know what goes on in your household, but I told Eldest that he didn’t even have to study for the SATs, as long as he kept listening to that guy.)

3. You do in fact care about the debt ceiling, but you wonder: How much does it matter? Really, really matter? All I know is that at a wedding a few weeks ago I sat next to a guy who works in finance and he said the whole debt ceiling issue was really a crock of you-know-what. Might we all save some time if we skipped those front-page articles, and instead thought about the J. Lo and Marc Anthony breakup?

4. The presidential election next year. You wonder: Isn’t it sort of creepy how alike Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin look? And do either one of them secretly have really curly hair, like Rebekah Brooks? In fact, could America ever have a president with crazy, long, Brooksian, Tess of the D’Urbervilles hair?

5. Finally, could you possibly be living in world where there are people who have enough time on their hands to show up at the jail in the middle of the night when Casey Anthony goes free? And what do those protesters do: stay up until then, or have a little nap and then go protest? And then do they go back to sleep? Or do they join other protesters and find an all-night Denny’s?

Ah, so much to think about. And, yes, I know I skipped the Beckhams’ baby and the meaning of “Seven” as a middle name, but there’s only so much we can digest in one summer.