The newsletter Marketing to Women reported in September that “more than four in 10 moms (44%), and 54% of moms with kids over age two, get annoyed that their husbands seem oblivious to attending to the childrens’ needs or to chores.” If this research is accurate, it means that about half of the married women in the U.S. are walking around feeling resentment and frustration with their spouses over housework.
Unfortunately, I found this data in a publication specifically targeted toward women, so I don’t know how many men are walking around with similar feelings toward their significant other. Regardless of what those numbers would tell us, though, isn’t it time that all of us stop being upset about chores?
In my article “Housework Equality,” I provide a method for splitting up chores so that everyone in a house is responsible for an equal amount of housework. Following a routine chart like this is definitely a great way to put an end to these frustrations.
But what happens when the other people in the house aren’t doing their work? What do you to do keep your anger from making you into one of those 50 percent of frustrated people? Try the following advice to keep your sanity:
- Open the lines of calm communication. Yelling and passive-aggressive behavior aren’t productive and they can damage your relationships. Instead of accusing the other person or nagging him/her endlessly, make time to have a calm, sincere, and respectful conversation instead.
- Most people overestimate their contributions to housework. We focus on what we’re doing, attach a sense of worth to it, and assume what the other person is doing isn’t as valuable. Have everyone keep lists of what they do around the house and then compare results after a few days. It could be an eye-opening experience for everyone.
- Motivate instead of complain. Play upbeat music that everyone enjoys during chore time. Keep the mood light and have as much fun as possible.
- Take care of the mess yourself. Check out the post “A lesson on mental clutter from the book Zen Shorts” over on Unclutterer to get the full perspective. I’m not suggesting you become the maid of the house, only that you should pick your battles.
- Seek outside help if you are having significant difficulty working through the frustration. This outside help might be in the form of a professional organizer, a couples counselor or therapist, or maybe a cleaning service.
One way to make “discussing” household chores easier is to use a chore chart designed for the whole family, not just the kids. (Unless your spouse is motivated by gold stars!) Household chores include more than taking out the garbage. The chore chart can include things often taken for granted, like writing thank you notes or researching summer camps. When it’s complete, and everyone has marked their tasks with an “X,” it becomes very apparent if one person isn’t carrying their share of the load. A bonus: having the chores on paper allows you to focus on the list, not each other, which helps make negotiations a little less “testy.” There’s a customizable, printable family chore chart, “Whose Job Is It?,” at http://www.habitudes.info/preview/family_chore_chart.