With all the talk about about what to give, lets talk about 8 gifts to potentially avoid. But first, I want to share another great shop that I suggest for all of your gift giving needs called Horne. I can imagine owning and cherishing all of their goodies for years to come because they have so many gorgeous things. Here are a few of my favorites, perhaps they will become yours too. And remember, after the photos we’ll get back on topic with important gift considerations that you may want to know about before you hit the stores with your list.
Linen Tablecloth – Natural Fog Linen Work (though you want to find out what size your friends table is first.)
Crosses Scotch Glass by Simplemente Blanco (not just for scotch of course – these work for just about any beverage).
So! When it comes to gifts, I always try to match the gift with the person in some way — either something about it reminds me of them, or a time that I spent with them, or I know that it is their taste and it would match perfectly in their home. But there is more I consider… here are a few that I avoid giving:
1. I’m careful to avoid anything with fur (even faux) though I never give real fur anyway or fallen horns (popular this time of year) unless I know for sure it will not offend my friend.
2. I’m not big on giving scented gifts either (candles, perfume, lotion, room spray) because I think this is a very personal gift that you’d only give to someone whom you know very well — and not everyone reacts the same to scent — it’s a tricky gift to give! And of course, some have chemical sensitivities…
3. I also consider pets, children, etc. when I’m selecting a present — will it be practical if they have a cat or a toddler?
4. When it comes to alcohol and food I’m also careful. There could be an addiction problem in the home or perhaps allergies to eggs, gluten, nuts… or your meat eating pal may have changed her diet completely and is not a vegan. I usually avoid giving food and alcohol.
5. Religious icons — some are not keen on having a Buddha or saint in their home no matter how many design stores seem to stock Buddha statues lately (have you noticed?).
6. I also avoid plants because they are sensitive little greens and well, they just may not like the light or environment in their new home. Also some plants are poisonous to cats, so if you do gift a plant to a cat owner ask the florist if it’s dangerous to pets. Some plants are flowering ones and again you have to consider allergies… I’m allergic to lilies for instance and didn’t realize it until my friend gave me a potted one. I nearly passed out! Plus, your friend may travel frequently or simply not enjoy plants or have a green thumb.
7. Music can be great to give but only if you know that the person has the CD on their wish list, otherwise I avoid giving music. Most of my friends don’t even cherish a CD like I do, they download everything online. Also some music may trigger bad memories for your friend. A Michael Buble album may make you feel like dancing, but it may be the same one that reminds your friend of their recent break-up. Tread carefully when it comes to tunes.
8. Memberships to things. Most people I already know don’t have time to eat breakfast, the last thing I want to do is give them something else to maintain or attend.
I know — what’s left? This is why so many resort to the good old gift card… but with a little imagination you can give something very special and meaningful to your friend that they will love for years to come.
What do you do to ensure a happy recipient?
(images: horne)
That pillow and those spoons instantly made my wishlist! =) Great tips too, Holly!
Wonerful tips! And that vase is so beautiful. We do our gift exchange (the grown-ups in my immediate family) at Thanksgiving. We keep it under $20 and pick names out of a hat. And everyone has to provide a list of a few things they’d like. No gift cards allowed. So there’s still a small element of surprise. And everyone’s happy (and thankful).
This is a great guide. Unfortunately, gift cards are taboo in my family — too impersonal.
So many of my family members exchange gifts (I buy for about 17 people every year, and that’s a narrowed down list!) that I have to be very organized every year. I have a two-part system (which I blogged about last week). First, I have a tiny closet that is devoted to gifts. So if I find the perfect thing for my sister, I’ll buy it on the spot and stash it in the closet until her birthday or Christmas.
Second, I use Wishpot to save online gift ideas. I have a public list for items I’d like to receive and a private list of gift ideas.
This system has been a life-saver for me.
I think avoiding music can also apply to books. I’ve given a couple of books as gifts and later felt like the book was stuffed on a shelf and forgotten because it was not something the person would have ever picked out to read.
A friend of mine is a fantastic gift giver. She seems to remember the tiny details that make it so that I manage to get something I really wanted. I wish I could do that.
This is a gorgeous list Holly….gorgeous! I would love to have any of these lovely things and I appreciate your “avoid” list as well, some things I hadn’t thought of and really good to consider!
xo
Melis
I think the items listed in 4-7 & 8 make great gifts if you truly know the person you are buying them for. And honestly, if you don’t know what food the people like, what music they like, or if they would love a membership to a certain place, are they really your friends? Sounds like you have a lot of people on your gift list that maybe shouldn’t be there at all. They, and you, might be better off going out to lunch or for coffee together in lieu of gifts. And if you don’t have the desire or time to spend with them, again I ask, why are you buying gifts for them again?
Those bone china spoons are beautiful! Good gifting tips. But it does raise the question that if you don’t know someone well enough that you need a list of things to avoid, why are you giving a gift at all? Gift cards are probably a good solution–even for those you do know!–but beware of fine print, fees or expiration dates on gift cards.
I pride myself on giving thoughtful gifts. For years, I kept a list on my computer called “Gifts.” It included recipient sizes, preferences (dad’s favorite color is green), ideas (grandma needs a new coffee maker) and other notes (niece Lizzy’s ears are pierced, Katie’s are not.) It also included lists of gifts received and gifts on hand, which I started keeping after an embarrassing re-gifting faux pas involving something my mother-in-law gave me. I also kept a shopping checklist to keep track of what has been bought, where it came from, the price, whether I’d received it (mail order or internet purchases), and if it had been wrapped delivered or mailed.
The lists made it easier for my husband to share shopping/wrapping/delivery responsibilities. It also made gift giving easier on the next occasion because we had a head start on ideas and a record of what we gave last time.
These days, I keep all of my lists on “Gifts”, the application I designed for Habitudes.info, the online family organizing website. Using “Gifts, ” I’ve printed personalized wish lists for my husband and each of the kids. Now, if I can just get them to fill them out!
I would add clothes to that list. My mother has a tendency to gift shop at outlet stores and thrift shops. Sometimes she finds great buys for herself, but it’s far harder to get something for someone else (me, namely) when you can’t return it. I’ve reminder her a million times over that she doesn’t “get” my style, and that while I appreciate these finds, they don’t fit in with the rest of my wardrobe/size/aesthetic, etc.
This year, instead of buying gifts, I’m knitting something for everyone. Because of time, everyone is getting a cowl, a hat, or a set of mittens. And I’ve spent hours in yarn stores trying to find just the right color and fiber for each person on my list (whew!).
Finally, though, I do think that experiences are GREAT gifts. For years, my best friend and I have taken each other out to dinner and a show for Christmas and birthdays. It’s SO much more fun to be able to say, “remember the time that we saw ‘Chicago’ on Broadway!?”
Hm. Just realized that I contradicted my own rule about clothes. I think the knitted gifts are a little different, since a) everyone has been begging me to make them something, and b) I’ve taken a very personalized approach to it!
What about handmade gifts? They make for great conversation pieces and are generally very inspiring and thoughtful. Every object is guaranteed to be unique because it is handmade.
Here is a good example, wicked little candle holders: http://www.etsy.com/shop/sonyakolodij
I love love love the roller skate doorstop. I want want want.
I’d also say that a painting is a no no, unless you know the person VERY well AND he/she commented on a pic before that you were both looking at.
Recently I moved together with my bf and my parents brought us a lot of things when they visited us the first time. Most of it was food but they also brought yellow dried roses and a painting. It screamed red and showed a couple. We both don’t like it.
I can just hope that they never ask me where this painting is
I am going to throw out a no-no with caution. A gift card to a recipient’s favorite store is the perfect solution for a finicky kid or teenager, but just as well for the impossible to buy for mother-in-law or man in your life. Every store and online shopping site seems to have one. They can buy something on their wish list and it is likely that it will be remembered as Grandma knew I loved shopping on eBay or Macy’s etc. DO NOT get a gift card to Walmart or anyplace where they can buy everyday things like groceries. And never, never give money no matter how poor the person is. What a complete cop out. I second the “if you don’t know the person that well, why are they on your gift list.” The kids always get something for Christmas but for the adults I tend to remember birthdays (in my well maintained database) and skip a gift at Christmas. It is kinder to my budget. I also collect things all year long as I spot the perfect gift for so-and-so. I send “I Care” packages as I call them to friends that are out-of-town when they are having a rough patch. It is full of little things to make them smile and have become treasured by the recipient. If the budget is strained to the breaking point, I give something of my own that the recipient admired. It is the thought that counts. KISS – Keep it simple.
This is a terrible list. If you don’t know your friends well enough to know what religion they practice, what scents they like, what they’re style is, what food allergies they have, and what kind of music they like, then you’re not a very good friend… Why bother even giving a gift?
@lisa – Ha ha! Don’t hold back or anything. (smile). I totally get your point and you are absolutely right when it comes to close friends — but seriously I do not know lots of these things about everyone. Close friends and close relatives yes but a manager or work colleague, not really. This list (for me anyway) is helpful for those whom you are gifting that you do not know intimately like a manager, colleague, agent, publicist, a teacher, etc.
Well…I would personly agree to a few of these but not all I mean just because I will most of the time give money or something they have been wanting but I mean if you just ask realy if you want something like a oh I dont know a blender that cheap then maybe kinda show it…
Buddha statues, no matter how lovely, seem to me to be WRONG as an item of decor. They are religious or at least philosophical to many people. Would you like seeing Jesus statuettes treated as part of a decorating “theme”?
These are great tips but why would you purchase a gift for someone that you aren’t close enough to not know their lifestyle? (religion, diet, taste in music, whether or not they like plants, allergies to scented things)
I’ve pretty much broken every rule on the list…. except fur, memberships, and the kids/pets thing…. I guess it’s the thought that counts.
Hold off on all your comments about not knowing the person that well. We give gifts to teachers, office friends, and neighbors or others that have touched our lives in some way. We may not personally know them very well, but they have impacted us in some way that we’d like to show our appreciation. I think this list speaks more to those kind of recipients than to your mother or BFF. Even my best friends know not to buy me “scented” things because I have such a sensitivity to them, but my husband hits a homerun in this department every time. Happy Holidays! I think this list is nice and helpful to the recipients who we may not know so well.
seriously, how about you don’t exchange gifts at all? if you aren’t close enough to the person to know whether they are allergic, or what scents they like, etc. why give them a gift at all?? gift cards are also considered taboo half the time.
The only gifts I agree on that should be avoided are the religious icons.
I do not agree with having to be careful about all the other gifts. If I know the person I am giving a present to well enough, I know what not to give.
And when it comes to teachers, neighbours and other people that I do not knwo well: I think food or scented candles are a good solution. Anyhthing that can be “used up” is always the best. If they don´t like chocolate or the scent of roses, they can always pass the present on.
Giving gifts to people I don´t know well usually is about showing politeness and giving thanks. Its more about the gesture. So I am not too bothered by the thought that someone might not go crazy over my gift!
I am in complete agreement with Cindy. I only buy gifts (well in my case make, mostly) for the people that I am close to. I guess there are people who would give gifts as token courtesy for business or “the doorman” or whathaveyou… perhaps this is what you mean? I think that many of the gifts on your list though should be labelled as things to consider (as in put some thought into it and remember that just because you adore the scent, doesn’t mean your friend will,) more than avoid, because many of them fall under my category of eco gifts. If it doesn’t stick around (ie candles or food) and take up space or become obselite with the changing seasons like home accessories do than it might be a better consideration for the planet. If you DO give “stuff” the idea that it was handmade by you or an artisan makes it so much better than buying it on sale at your local West Elm.
Just a thought.
How sad that we have to tread so carefully in giving gifts for fear of offending or causing allergies. No music? No candles? No plants or food or drink, etc.? Are we really all such frail, hothouse flowers with such highly pitched sensibilities? Thankfully, no. I think this list is only useful only if you don’t know the recipient, or if all your friends are insufferably correct. Otherwise, buy them that faux-fur throw and a bottle of single-malt Christmas (sorry; holiday) cheer!
Throughout the year, I add comments in the notes section of my cell phone. I jot down favorite musicians, colors or specific needs or wants. It makes it easier to pick a gift during Christmas.
If it is a close friend or family member, I pay close attention during the year and jot down anything they mention that they like or would like to have. I use this list for birthdays and Christmas. If it is for someone I work with, especially those who you know already have everything, a donation to a charity in their name is great. It’s easy and you don’t have to fight the malls, or bother with wrapping.
While I’m not a fan of gift cards, the past few years have completely changed my mind. For my family this year instead of buying a gift for everyone, we are going to have a “white elephant” gift exchange with a limit of $50 each person. While $50 may seem rather extreme to some, it will end up saving everyone hundreds of dollars. As a family, we agreed to this amount at Thanksgiving. After mulling over suggestions from some friends who have done this before, we got a gift card to Omaha Steaks and grilling tools to go along with it. For the other one, we chose a Barnes & Noble gift card and a digital picture key chain to add to that. The “extras” that I tossed in with each card were almost freebies since I use promo codes/coupons. Gift-giving in our family had just become out of hand IMO, especially since I am a much better gift giver than receiver. We don’t buy gifts for work associates; instead we enjoy a night out for dinner. For our hairdresser this year, we did get her a gift card since they just bought a new home. They only other person we “gift” is our newspaper carrier and will probably be a local gas station gift card (since his tips are taxed).
Honestly, if you don’t know someone well enough to avoid the pitfalls inherent in most of these, why are you giving them a gift at all? This may be great advice if you need to give corporate or client gifts, I suppose, but plants, edibles, music, experiential gifts (such as museum or arts event memberships) and scented soaps and candles will always be central to gift list for our family and close friends. They’re inexpensive but meaningful gifts that require a significant degree of personal knowledge to choose well.
I can’t imagine anyone I care about being delighted to receive an overpriced “designer” pillow in gray or any other color. (Unless I’m in a position to purchase a piece of artwork I know they’d love but can’t afford or don’t have access to, I leave the home decorating to them!), And ubiquitous cat ownership and parenthood makes most ceramic, china, and glass gifts impractical (cf. your own advice).
Nice list. Another thing to avoid is a gift that’s going to cost the recipient money to maintain. One year someone gave me a satellite radio and even though I loved it, I couldn’t afford the monthly fee at that time and felt so awful when my friend and I took my car somewhere after that and I had no satellite radio. Point? Best to stay away from gifts that has to pay to use.
Do you really think it’s a good promotional technique to feature a store and its products first in an article titled, “Gifts: 8 Things to Avoid”?!?! As I scrolled down after linking to the article, I thought these were the items you were telling readers to avoid!
FYI for gifting plants to cat owners… all members of the lily family are extremely toxic to cats and can kill within 24 hours if any part is ingested. seek veterinary attention immediately. have a safe and healthy new year!
Ah, but the gift card CAN be personal! Follow your same advice and turn any gift card into a thoughtful gift. “Match the gift (card) with the person in some way — either something about it reminds me of them, or a time that I spent with them, or I know that it is their taste and it would match perfectly in their home.”
Does your friend like to cook? Get her a gift card to the cooking store and attach the treasured family recipe she always asks about. Are you book club buddies? Get a gift card to the bookstore along with a list of your all-time favorite books, homemade bookmarks from the kids, or laminate photos of the two of you and turn them into bookmarks yourself. It’s not easy to match a person’s home, but you can match a gift card to their style of home instead. Get a gift card to Pottery Barn, for example, and tell her you admire her style.
I could go on…but you get the point. Gift cards can be personal with a few personal touches.