I have an acquaintance who is a serial date-breaker. I didn’t realize it at first so I always made the extra effort to be available on the date/time agreed upon whenever she said “Let’s get together for x or y.” After several missed drinks, dinners, and movie meet-ups, I realized that we we were just going through some polite calendar dance that was leading nowhere. Basically, I was wasting my time. Now I don’t even go through the motions. What’s the point?
I ran into this woman recently and got me thinking about about the daily exchanges we have with each other. How often do we really mean what we say? Probably not as often as we might believe. That reality becomes clear when we think about how we answer a basic question like: “How are you?” or “How do you like your job?” And on the flip side, how often are we prepared to hear an honest answer? Truthfully, most of us are only prepared for the polite response. If we get something else it may throw us off.
I am bringing this up to remind us all that there is power in the words that come out of our mouths. So why are we wasting it by using words that have no meaning? So think about what you say. And above all don’t say things you don’t mean. Ultimately, the cost of lip service can end up being pretty high.
I didn’t realize until reading this blog post that I am a serial date-breaker! I immediately emailed a friend of mine, whom I know has received the brunt of my “disorder” to apologize. I am committing not to commit..unless I really mean it.
Thanks!
Megan
I like the post. It rings true. But there is a grammatical error in the first sentence of the last paragraph. Either delete “am” or add an “i-n-g” to “bring.” Sorry, it just caught my eye.
How terrible of that person to value her time over yours and repeatedly set you up for disappointment. She wasn’t a friend at all. [Good for Megan for changing her ways.]
Way back when, I waited tables. I had a standardized never-fails-to-impress remark/joke for every situtation. Then when I started working in a professional environment, I realized those rehearsed quips only serve you for a week or so when you see the same people day after day.
I’ve noticed that the busier I get in life, the harder it is for me to remember ANYthing that someone tells me on the aside.
So, what I try to do is listen to the you-know-what-my-dog/kid/man-did stories and as I walk away, I will actually think out our next encounter as I ask them about it…literally predetermine my convo follow-up question. The envisioning part really helps to jog my memory so that I can feel sincere when I say something in passing, other that “hey, how’s your day” Words matter. So does genuine concern.
This is so true! I have a friend who I see once a week at a social function and she always makes the statement that she wants to get together. I inevitably have said yes and been let down.
I stopped answering in the affirmative to this and she stopped asking.
I find that I had to change how I talk to people in case I do the same thing. I also needed to listen to people more often.
When I ask, “how are you?” I usually ask it again with an emphasis on it. They then get the picture and answer straight. I found that people just need to know someone cares and not an advice columnist.
I’ve developed deeper relationships with people because of it. And more people end up “getting together” with me because I showed I truly cared. It’s helped me with confidence in myself. I needed that and I don’t say yes to things I don’t want to do anymore.